I’ve been home for a short few minutes as I went for a walk this morning. During the walk I realised that my hands were pretty warm from the walking and so I figured that I should try and write as soon as I got home (or shortly after) so as to capitalise on this as I’d be able to write a bit faster and I still want to mash out a bunch of words which is much easier to do when my hands aren’t cold, though it would be a bit easier if I spent more time practising instruments or at least exercising my wrists as injuries have that fun way of slowing things down when you don’t pay enough attention to them, but I digress.
Well, there isn’t much I can say at the moment as I’ve thrown myself into this. Really I’m just going to see how quickly I can get this done. Then I’m going to do another one and that will probably also be a bit quicker than recently, but it will all be a mess. Sometimes a mess is good but you do need to clean up after a while. I also like self-sabotage and in a way this is a form of that and so really I’m just engaging in that and maybe this is what the whole thing is about.
Now that I think about it, I’ve moved far away from what the initial scope of this little blog was and maybe that’s a good thing. I don’t know and right now I don’t care. I’m just racing ahead with no will or desire other than to get to the end and hope that somehow I make it in one piece. I’m not sure how long this bit of writing will be but I’m sure it will have length. We’ll just have to see what happens when I reach the end and then I’ll look back on it and wonder as to why I wrote any of this; Well, maybe I won’t, but we’ll just have to see what happens.
Maybe there is no happening really. Maybe I’m just imagining all of this in the hopes that this all becomes reality and then I’ll wake up and find myself elsewhere. It will be somewhere unfamiliar but I won’t feel lost and if I don’t feel lost then… well, I don’t know. It will all be mysterious in some manner that I will not be able to easily understand and maybe trying to understand will not be the best thing anyway. There are other things to worry about and all that and so I’ll just get on with life and try to make the most of what I can.
Maybe there will be a community and they will accept me, but not without some trepidation and so I will need to earn the trust and integrate myself. I’ll start by doing the things that I need to do and trying to be helpful and maybe I’ll end up opening a bakery of sorts and that will help the people by supplying some sort of comfort food that isn’t all that helpful, though maybe it will be; I am yet to find out. Then I will find true happiness and all that other stuff and then I’ll just go on from there.
Of course I may have to go on a journey at some point and in that journey I will need to do things like cut down a mountain with the mightiest shoat and challenge the skies using the finest of coelacanth. I’ll need to face the grandest of ravines and the direst of situations, and perhaps during the whole thing I’ll learn that the mightiest villain is not external, but rather internal to the existence of the self. I’ll come back changed and resume my being a baker in the most appreciated of bakeries, but I won’t be able to settle properly and after a good many years I’ll have to return whence I came. Then I’ll wake up again and realised that I lived a whole life in a dream and find myself needing to go for a walk so that I can get on with the day. In doing that I’ll go for a walk, find my hands are warm and then need to ramble on when I get home whilst my hands remain warm so as to be able tow rite out a whole thing about the experience and disguise it as a lengthy rambling, but of course that won’t happen, though maybe it will. I’ve yet to experience and yet to not experience it, though I guess I’m not experiencing it right now, so we’ll just have to see.
Anyway, with all of that being said I really should just get on with the day. There is much to do and there is little time in which I have in order to do it. I want to get things done but I want to finish mashing the keyboard first, so this needs to be done first.
Well, actually it doesn’t need to be done. I don’t even need to finish this off. There is little in the way stopping me from ending this here. However, I feel a sense of obligation and a sense of desire to keep on going. Perhaps it is all the rambling I have done. Perhaps my whole existence is now just rambling and I don’t exist outside of my creating these lengthy bits of aimless rambling. I have become a pure form of rambling but it’s all rambling that is poorly done, but that is okay as it is something that I do and I will have to keep on doing it for that is all I do and there is nothing else for me to do, other than the things that I need to do, of course.
Alright, I think I’m done with light existentialism for now. Time to do other things.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 09:27:73
I’d argue that this went places and none of them worthwhile.
That said, there sort of is a flow, albeit a rough one. Maybe that’s a good thing; maybe bad.
Written at home.