Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1220: Struggle

There’s a lot of struggle that goes behind constantly churning out here, and sometimes I wonder if it’s more of a coping mechanism than it is a way to progress through things.

You spend so much time being told you’re this and that, then when you get into a position where you need genuine assistance it’s often not there, but such is the way of things I suppose.

I’m sitting here listening to the sound of cicadas and very much anticipating more than one person telling me that it will get better, or they hope things work out and even though I understand the sentiment that’s not something I think is helpful. Once more it is a need of financial assistance, though of course it’s more than that, but I’m sure you understand how these things go.

I’m continually punching on and pushing through and sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t, but the weight I’ve allowed to be placed upon myself and the weight that others have thrown upon me has gradually grown in difficulty to handle and I’m trying to overcome, but it’s hard. I need support and I ask and it’s not there.

Everyone’s making their own way through life and you can only take so much of other people’s time, but you can also only offer so much of yours, and how much can you keep offering if it’s not coming back? Realistically you shouldn’t help people with the expectation that they help you at some point down the track. You should help people with the hopes that they end up in a better place in life, but if you need help and you’re not getting it then what do you do? You keep pushing on through and you keep on trying.

You can’t always be strong, however, but it’s a lot harder to not be strong when you’re not in a position with a safety net, and I think that’s something that a lot of people don’t understand. You end up spending a lot of time having to harden yourself as you’re surviving on the paycheck and you’ve little wiggle room. You keep trying to get into a better position, you hear promises and guarantees that go elsewhere and you keep on trying and it doesn’t change. You remain in a state where you’re constantly having to be tough and pushing through and persevering, much like others, but you don’t get a break, but you’re still told that something good will come your way so you keep doing the things that you’re doing and you keep networking and you keep on pushing through and ultimately it amounts to a lot of wheel spinning whilst you’re off the ground, but you see others get ahead around you, and you’re happy for them.

When’s that going to happen for you though?

So I sit here and I keep struggling and persevering as right now that’s the best I can do, but I need help, but I can’t.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 09:44:49

This is a really uncomfortable write for me, but I’m still sharing it here. It’s where I am now and it’d be dishonest to scrap it and do something else, I think.

Written at home.

About Stupidity Hole

I'm some guy that does stuff. Hoping to one day fill the internet with enough insane ramblings to impress a cannibal rat ship. I do more than I probably should. I have a page called MS Paint Masterpieces that you may be interested in checking out. I also co-run Culture Eater, an online zine for covering the arts among other things. We're on Patreon!
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