My gut has been churning and now it is no longer churning. Change is happening and perhaps all moves to a state of equilibrium or something else. I don’t know.

Anyway, I was hoping to write something more grounded this morning. I was hoping to capture a sense of the mundane and find myself returning to a place more firmly rooted in consistency, but I do not think that that is to be on this particular morning.

I think I’ve let myself slip quite a lot over the past year or so. I think there is more that I could be writing about and I could do a lot more writing that is, at the very least, of a good quality, but I don’t think I’m going that way. I think I’ve gone off the rails and instead of continuing on, I’ve just sat there after attempting to drive the wheels into the ground.

Of course I may not have been going anywhere at all, but that’s not for here. Maybe another post some time down the track, when I’ve worked more things out. Maybe for the last post here. Who knows at this point in time.

It has been a long morning but I think that might be a good thing. Waking up early, eventually going back to sleep, only to wake up after a few more hours of sleep. Gone for a walk, ate and now I’m here. Now I’m here once more wondering what it is that I want to convey and how to get it across. Of course I might not be thinking that at all and really I’m just stretching an idea so thin you can see through it, but I don’t want to admit that.

Sometimes you sit somewhere and you think about nothing but you don’t think about why you’re thinking about nothing. You stare off into space and thoughts drift around but you don’t recognise them, maybe. You’re elsewhere, detached and floating away. You’re lost in one particular thought but it’s so intense and you’re so lost in it that you don’t actually recognise it, and eventually you snap out of this and you end up coming careening back into a place of awareness. Maybe the idea of the thought lingers. Maybe it’s gone. Maybe you do remember it and you talk about it with someone, but often you just get back on with the getting on with things. Sometimes that’s just how it goes.

You walk through a space that is one you inhabit and people go on by and maybe you wonder as to where they themselves are going. Maybe you don’t. It’s possible that you’re just weaving around them as you need to get somewhere, but the leaves in the few trees that are around are pretty at this time of year and it’s a bit of a shame that there are fewer of them every year, it seems. The city would be nicer with more trees and maybe it would feel less uncaring and callous. The natural environment can seem callous in its own ways, but that’s how we perceive it at times. Nature just is and we recognise things in it that we associate with our own behaviour. That’s not to say that those things are not the same as ours, but just it’s what we recognise.

But it would be nicer to have more trees and so it’s a bit odd that they keep getting removed, but you go on and keep weaving around people as you need to get to the office at some point, but really you’re just wanting to walk and get around people and not have to worry about dealing with them as much as you are, and it’s sort of a nice day and you’ve got your coffee in hand so you just keep walking. Besides which, it’s a day off and so why are you hurrying to the office anyway?

There’s a park somewhere that people associate with the centre of the city and maybe it’s not, but that’s how it’s seen. It’s a place to relax but most people just walk through it, treating it as a shortcut of sorts to get to wherever they go. You do see people there though and some of them are relaxing and you remember how you used to do that once, and you liked how doing so seemed to cut into all the human traffic and seemed to remove it, or at least space it out, but now you’re part of it and you wonder if maybe you could relax a bit too, but you’re going on this meandering walk and so there’s little, if any time to relax. You still want to make good on time so you jsut keep on walking and you’ve got your coffee and the leaves are dropping from the branches and there still are quite a few trees here, but over time it’s feeling more and more like an isolated pocket.

It all used to feel like a park that was stretching lines outward, but the trees are disappearing and it’s a shame as the trees are pretty at this time of year and you’d want to see more of them. Maybe it’s time to move out away from the city and maybe it’s time to say goodbye to the hustle and bustle and eventually you do, but that’s all creeping toward wherever you go anyway. It’s all a temporary reprieve.

Perhaps you start zoning out whilst you’re walking and eventually you decide to just go home but you do so without realising, but the next thin you know you’re on the bus, or maybe the train and you’re reading a book and you don’t remember how you got there, but that’s because you were elsewhere and now something is doing the moving for you so you distract yourself for a bit as you’ve seen this view more times than you care to try and remember.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 13:20:84

To be honest I wasn’t expecting to write something of the mundane after starting off saying I wanted to but didn’t think it would happen. I think this bit of writing would be much better had I written the whole thing about just walking and sitting and all that, but I’m still happy with the result. It all came out with little difficulty and that’s nice.

Written at home.