So I feel like I may be opening a can of worms here, but I always find it interesting that when I’m expressing something dire here, such as my concerns about being homeless soon, or how we need to start taking better care of the environment, if often gets overlooked more than it doesn’t. I know it’s not what people want to see but I cannot be the silly person all the time.

I also know I shouldn’t expect people to engage with anything I do, but I mean, if you’ve been willing to visit for years on end and derive some sort of pleasure or engagement from what I write and share…

Look, I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m thankful for having an audience, but it just vexes me that people tend to disappear when the going gets tough. I can’t afford not being able to pay rent and I can’t afford a lot of things. I can’t afford to go see the family I talk to. I’m glad I’ve my partner in my life, but we’re both sinking at the moment because I’m not earning enough, and whilst she earns a good amount it’s not enough to support two people, and it would be nice for things to change.

Where am I going with this? Nowhere. I just want to go back to writing silly stuff and sharing things and all that, but it’s difficult to do so when there’s a great deal of uncertainty mixed with a great deal of “this is the likely outcome”, and it sucks. It’s not easy and it’s pressing down, and I have other stuff to deal with that could involve suing an organisation and it’s just continuous, and it would be nice to have a bit of a break for once. It would be nice to actually be allowed to survive and have some sort of sense of comfort in my life instead of being poor, remaining poor and quite possibly being homeless soon, because I’m done.

I’m done with the constant job hunting and no success, and I’m done with being told how good I am with my photo work and people who can get me work dipping. This isn’t anything new, but I’m just done with the help not being there when the people who can get me into paid work tell me how good I am and how I deserve better disappear. It’s frustrating.

Well, I guess I know what I am saying and I’m not saying much of anything that I haven’t before, but I’m over it and things keep getting worse and I try to work hard and keep throwing myself at things and little, if anything changes other than things get worse, and hey, that’s life, because no one is owed success or financial stability, it seems. That’s a harsh thing to say, but maybe it’s true. I don’t know. I don’t want to think it’s true. I would much rather be more optimistic.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 11:05:39

Rather slow. Not great writing either.
Feels like a self-pity party, but it’s what is coming forward.

Written at home.