Another cold day and all that stuff and you get the so on and so forth, blah blah blah. I’m listening to These New Puritans, and it’s not the worst day outside; nor is it the worst inside, but I have to wonder how much I have been defining my life based on whether I am outside or inside, and now I’m wondering if I should be bothering with ideas of defining my life at all.

Life is meant to be lived, isn’t it? That’s what I should be thinking about more, and of course I’m alive and I’m living it, but I mean living it, rather than just being alive.

The gaps are filled with so much nothing and getting along to the next big thing, and all the planning and saving, and then that big thing may never come, and we just keep on going on and struggle and rise to the top and succeed, and then struggle some more as we slide on down, and maybe we don’t get to do what we want to do, and then we wonder if life was wasted, but it wasn’t… was it? Does it really matter, so long as we are still getting on with things?

I think there’s a great deal of a lack of care because “that’s just how it is”, and that sucks. Surely we could do more for each other, and show some more genuine care for our fellow people; especially those that we callously trample upon along the way to victory. Surely we could be more conscious about other people, and do more to help them have a quality of life some people think they don’t deserve. Surely we could make sure that we don’t disregard their struggles and help them have a better quality standard of living.

But maybe we can’t. I don’t know. I’d like to believe that we can but we won’t, because then at least we can work toward turning that kind of thing around and work on making things better, but we have to actually put in the work. A lot of battles don’t end just because we get what we want. They keep on going, and maintaining a base standard requires a collective effort. It requires enough people being willing, but they have to keep going, and you have to get more people involved over time, and everyone has to work for the betterment of everyone. You can’t settle just because you think everything is okay, because the likelihood is it’s just okay in your backyard and your group, and not in others.

Sometimes I wonder if the way things are should be allowed to continue instead of working on change and improvement. Sometimes I wonder if maybe society should be allowed to collapse, because we’re certainly good at treating others poorly. We’re good at being dismissive because we choose to not recognise that our paths are simply one and we got lucky. But that’s just how it is.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:17:51

I guess I’m a bit angry today, or despairing. Not sure.

Written at home.