There’s a banana to the left of me, and to the right is a mouse. On this desk sits a laptop upon which I use to type these words.

Okay, this is absolutely brilliant writing right here. Couldn’t get any better.

I’m trying to work out where all my silliness went. Trying to find where all the ridiculousness flew off too. What is and is not absurd and how I lost it all. Where did my flippancy go off to. It has been lost along the way, and maybe that says I’ve been doing too much of this. I don’t know.

I do know that I’m sitting here and I’m tired, but that’s the norm, really, so not much to say there. I do also know that, by the end of today I’m going to be feeling even more tired as it’s going to be a bit of a blasting day, of sorts. Charging through the work and the drudgery, but it’s a nice drudgery to have. Having the boredom of stability is nice. But I also want my flair for silliness back.

Not saying I’m a good writer; just that I’m good at being silly.

I don’t think I lost it from moving toward the boredom of stability, mind, but rather I lost it along the way. Something happened and I guess I grew out of it, though rather in this instance I feel it was more that I kind of forgot how to be, or something. I don’t know; I’m just trying to work things out here.

But something has been lost and I feel I know what that something is, but I should be able to get back to it, right? I should just be able to work on it and pick it back up, without issue. Except, maybe I’m spending too much time thinking about how I’m writing and what I’m writing, and that gets in the way and I should stop, but sometimes things are better left behind, even if you miss them. There’s no point in trying to force something. There is a point in trying to work toward it, but forcing it to be, unless doing so is necessary, is not something worth doing.

Well, there are times when it is worth doing, but I don’t think so in this case. There are other things I want to work on anyway, and maybe I’ve changed enough that trying to pull that silliness back to here isn’t going to work, unless it too has changed and we’re in alignment. Who knows.

What I do know is that, perhaps there still remains a little spark inside somewhere, and maybe it’s waiting to turn into a nice warm fire once more. A fire of all these ideas and bits and pieces that make little sense, or make whole sense but aren’t considered serious enough. However, they might just have their day of return, but until then there is no silliness, and a spark shall remain silent.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:46:88

I went in just wanting to write and I got a little introspective.
Doing a little introspection this morning. Business as usual.

Written at work.