Another job application done, and another one tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow… and it keeps on going forever until I finally find success, as that’s what I need to do. For now, however, I’m gonna churn out a few words whilst I still have some energy. Whilst I don’t feel too dizzy, because I’ve been going in and out of it and it’s been a struggle, but I need to keep on going.

I see a small gap and I hear traffic and right now I’m just trying to unwind, de-stress, decompress and see where all the words lie. See where it all falls onto its side and see how everything comes together. I’m feeling pretty dizzy, but I think I might just be dehydrated. That’s what I’m going with and that’s what I’m hoping, of course. For now, just going to keep on typing., Rewarding myself with a bit of rambling and once that is done, straight back to work. It’s the way it all goes, really.

A tough year; a rough year. A rough time overall. Dire situation, low on money. Gotta keep on going, keep on churning, keep on getting back toward stability. There is low time but I can do it. I’ve survived some pretty horrible shit in my life. I can get through this. I can succeed… maybe. It will take time. Always does, really.

What the hell would Ewe be thinking right now?

He’d probably tell me that I’ve got this and to keep going. He’d know I would anyway. Then we’d talk about other stuff. It’s the way it goes, really.

Life doesn’t stop now and life continues on, and it’s all a bunch of stuff that circles around itself and I can do it. I can do it, and I need to remind myself that I can do it, but I also need to remind myself that in order to do it, I need to keep on going and rethinking and changing things as necessary. I will get there, but only if I keep on going.

The writing wave is yet to end, but I stumbled, and maybe it has left me, but there’s another wave coming and I’m about to ride it. But I need to keep riding it. I need to take advantage of the opportunity that I have, as hard as it is, because it is hard right now. It’s difficult. It’s as though I’m pinned down by a mountain, and I want to give up so badly. I am in pain, both physically and emotionally, but I must keep going. If I give up now, that’s that.

As hard as it is, I am remaining resilient. I am getting back on the horse, and I am rambling in a way I don’t want to, but that’s the way it is. This is what is coming forward and so this is what I’m putting to digital paper. It’s not great, but it’s keeps me going, so I keep writing.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:30:37

I wrote this during lunch after finishing a job application. Sort of a reward and I was hoping for something silly. That’s not what came out, however. Can’t force things.

Written at work.