So I wrote this thing earlier about how I was miserable and all that, and all this random shit was seeping in and I didn’t like it;. Right now I’m going to do another word churning to see where it all goes. Rewarding myself after completing another job application. Get through it all and all that shit that sounds good, you know.

Yeah, I’m still hurting and I’m still struggling to get anything done, but I have to keep trying and going. I have to keep working on stuff and hopefully I’ll get there in the end. Hopefully I’ll get everything that I need to get done done. Hopefully I can get my words together and start working on other stuff and all that stuff… you know. Just keep on going and keep on writing and keep on applying for jobs. Hopefully stay away from the edge. Hopefully get to the top of the mountain. You know.

So I’m now rambling and writing rapidly and I think I can get this written in under five minutes. Am I going to? Not sure, but I am trying. I think I have it in me to get at least this much done. If I can get this much done, then I can get a lot more done. But it’s all steps and it’s all small steps specifically. Will I get there? Don’t know. Just this is incredibly difficult, but I have to keep on trying. I have to keep on trying to get all the words together and spinning them into something that makes sense in the moment, even if it doesn’t make sense overall. I’ll see.

So now I’ve hit all I could want to say… I think… but I need to get a few more words written. I need to get a few more out there and get them all together and in order, and if I can do that, then I can get back to work and keep on working. I can keep on moving, and I desire to move. I desire to keep on moving, even though I cannot outrun my feelings, and that’s the way it is, really. I can;t outrun them and I have to live with them and all the complexities they come with, but I still need to keep on moving. I am not doing well staying still, but I do not have anywhere I can go at the moment. Perhaps in a few days. I am not sure. I will find out, eventually. Maybe. I don’t know. But I will try and I will keep trying to keep on going. I don’t have much of a choice. I need to make sure everything is done and I don’t end up homeless.

Anyway., I’ll have to see, but I’ve almost finished this off and if I can finish this, I can get back to work and keep on working. That is a small victory, but it’s one I feel is pretty important right now.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 04:54:61

I did it.

Written at work.