Today I’ve been feeling okay. I’ve definitely felt better, but I’ve been feeling okay today. Get on my lunch, prepare to write and the anxiety started spiking. Why? This is not what I need right now. I need to write. I need to get my words out and unclutter my brain, so why is this now a difficult thing to do all of a sudden?

I think it’s the lack of sleep, really. But we’ll see. If I can get through being dumped, I can get through writing a bunch of words and forcing them into the world for all to see.

I can look at the plant in front of me and wonder as to how it is surviving as it is when it has burn marks on it, or rather, what looks to be burn marks. Really, it’s just from being stressed out, but those marks remain. Those marks won’t disappear unless the leaves are removed, giving room for new ones to grow through.

Huh.

I’m currently awaiting news of a new job, and of course I am hoping that it’s good news. I’m not holding my breath – I did not do well in the interview – but I still hope. It will be a significant challenge to handle, but I can do it. I know I can do it, because it’s something I can throw myself into and thrive in, and that’ll help a lot. It’ll help me stay focused on something, and I can cry fully and breakdown, and do nothing but focus on the job for a few weeks whilst I rebuild. Maybe this sudden anxiety is due to writing about this when strongly desiring to write about something else. I don’t know.

It’s an interesting day, at least. I am tired. I am worn out. I am going to head on home and relax, and unwind. Just take it easy… or not, because there is housework that needs doing and I’m the only one doing housework.

There are a lot of things that need doing and it’s going to be all on me, and I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am and that’s something I’m not particularly enthused about. I’ll find out soon enough, I guess, but before then it’s just not a good outlook. Just need to stick to trying to get things done. Don’t need to stay busy, or maybe I do.

So I’m waiting for what will hopefully be some good news. I don’t know what will happen from here. I don’t know where things will go, but I hope they will improve. I’ll keep working on it, of course. I’ll keep on writing and forcing myself through this, because I don’t have time to give up, and I don’t want to let myself give up either. I’ll get through this sudden spike of anxiety, and I’ll get some sleep tonight. Sleep will be good, but there’s a lot to do before then, so I am doing the things.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:58:65

More life stuff. Wonderful and all that.

Written at work.