Last night I was going to write freely. Continue on with the thing I’m trying to achieve (which I’ll attempt again today, and keep on attempting if I must). Decided to write under time constraints instead. Didn’t pan out. Doing it now.

Bad news yesterday, though that’s not anything new. Perhaps it’s better to say undesirable news, but that do be the way it pans out, sometimes. And then some reassurance, and then someone else getting bad news, and then being spoken to in a way that raises hypocrisy, and… yeah. But now I’m here. I’m here, I’m alive, and I can keep going. It’s not all bad.

Looks like it’ll be a warm day. Don’t want it to be, but that’s how it looks. Mainly because I didn’t water the plants this morning. But you know, it’s not all bad. I know some people will appreciate today. I might not, but some will, and, well, good on them. That sounds sarcastic, but it isn’t.

So what am I doing here? What am I doing right now? Spinning the wheels? Once more? Yet again? For how long? Questions?

What am I doing here? I could be anywhere (not really), so why here? Why here when I need to be applying for more jobs? Well, I need to work still and my contract is yet to end. Still waiting on some good news, of course, but these things take time. Always do and always will.

I guess this is one of those moments where I shouldn’t be writing because I don’t know what it is that I’m trying to convey, or rather I just want to move onto the next thing. I have an idea that I want to get across and it’s about community, in a sense, and really it is about community and not much, if anything else. Well, there are probably other things involved, but you know. But I need to finish this. I need to find where the point of this bit of writing lies, if I can indeed find that at all.

I need more sleep. Don’t know how I’m still powering on at the moment, but I am and that’s pretty good.

Out of this window I can see a bird, a tree, buildings, another tree, more than two trees, more buildings. It looks so pleasant outside, and yet it doesn’t seem to be. A lot of traffic, a lot of coldness on a warm day. It all keeps happening and it doesn’t stop. Is that good? I don’t know. I don’t know anymore, but I’m writing. I’m getting something done, and if I can do this I can keep applying for jobs and finishing off a bunch of things. I can keep going, and I hope to keep going. Just need to keep on driving forward and pushing on and all of those things.

Ah, I did it again. Still need to use up some words, but I don’t know which ones to spend.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:48:69

Real struggle, this one. Should’ve forced myself down a different train of thought.

Written at work.