It has been a day. I’m still standing. I’m still alive. I’ve done some things. But it has been a day. I am tired and worn out, and I am struggling hard. Will get through it, but it’s gonna take time.

So getting closer to the end. Only a week left of employment. Less than two weeks of having a roof over my head. I’m worn out. I don’t want to keep struggling, but I need to keep struggling. I need to persist. But I’m so tired of struggling.

At this stage I don’t know what I can do. I keep hunting for jobs and I keep getting rejections. I need to be earning a certain amount to stay afloat, and it’s not due to lifestyle creep; it’s due to living in an expensive country. It’s just not a good time.

Don’t know what’s going on with my ex. Still feels like she feels something even though she says she doesn’t. Her actions are part of why I’m in this situation, though I don’t blame her. Don’t think that’d be fair, or even right. But it feels like she feels something, but she says she doesn’t. I don’t know what’s going on.

I’m just tired and destroyed in all sorts of ways and I’m trying to continue on, but tomorrow is a work day and so Ill need to show up at work and do my job. I’ll need to be there and get on with tasks and get them all done. And I’ll need to squeeze in applying for jobs around it all.

It’s just not a good time, and I’m writing what I don’t want to be writing. This is all too upsetting and I don’t want to be dragging the mood down, but that’s what I’m doing at the moment. I don’t feel I have much a say in the matter.

So I have to keep on going but soon I have to start getting rid of everything I own, too. This is all too much and I’m so very tired. I just want to be held. I want to be held by my partner, and I want to lie down and wake up and find out that this was all a bad dream. I’m so tired of pushing on and struggling, but stopping doesn’t change anything for the better. But I’ve been struggling for years now.

At the very least I got some stuff done today. I’ve gotten some of the house cleaned up, and that’s something, but it’s not my home for much longer. It’s not much of anything for much longer, and that’s the way it’s going to be. I keep on holding out and trying to enact change and I’m continuously prevented from doing so, but I have to keep on trying. As tough as it is and as upsetting as it is, I have to keep on going, because if I don’t, nothing will improve. It’s just all heavy and really upsetting.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:06:68

I had to think about sharing this due to dour it is, but it’s what came forward and so it’s what I’m sharing.

Written at home.