Sleep is this thing that occasionally happens in my life. When it happens, it is usually heavy and needed, and not enough to not make me feel tired, and then I end up with more bad sleep and a cycle continues and… yeah. But last night it was heavy and I almost had an uninterrupted one, but it was heavy and appreciated.

I’d planned to leave home early and walk through Sydney CBD in the dark, taking photos along the way. It didn’t pan out that way, but that was the plan. That’s what I wanted to do, but I didn’t. I stayed in bed for too long, but it was a nice rest. It was comfortable. But I need more sleep and I fear I’ll keep myself within a terrible cycle, because that’s what I’m good at doing.

So what does this have to do with anything? People sleep poorly all the time. So what? It’s just a good way for me to start things, I guess. Talking about mistreating myself, and talking about how I’ve done it for years on end. It’s the way things happen and it’s not unique. It’s something I always hope to stop, however, but I rarely do. But maybe this time things will be different.

I want to sleep better. I want to move on with my life. I want to find a better tomorrow for myself, but I really, REALLY want to be able to rest. I want to be able to rest so I can recharge and feel a bit more functional. I want to be functional so I can get more things done, and I want to be able to get more things done so I can get back to where I was.

Maybe there is no going back. Maybe I won’t be able to get a sense of functionality back, and I just need to switch into a more steady rest-based life. I don’t know. I wonder. I wonder if I am going to pull out of this, and I wonder if I’ll be able to get back to being productive. I don’t know.

I do know I need more sleep. I know that not enough people get sleep and I know that this needs to change for a lot of people. I wonder as to the conditions that lead to this. I’m not a sleep scientist (whatever they’re called), but I still think about these things. I think they’re worth considering. I wonder how much can be put down to lifestyle choices.

But I had a good sleep last night, and maybe I’ll have a good sleep tonight. Maybe the day will pass on by and I’ll keep getting more sleep, and things will improve. But they need to improve for others, too. I’m just one person; what about my neighbour? What about the person down the street, and the one a few suburbs over? They need rest, too, and there doesn’t seem to be enough these days.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:30:52

I think sometimes I write far better in a serious mode than I do silly. At least at the moment it’s coming much easier. This could be better (it always can), but I think I’m at least touching on a subject more effectively than usual.