It’s morning once again. Funny how that keeps happening. Would like a brief respite from it, but that’s not happening, so instead I’m just gonna cram. Try and make up for yesterday, get all that stuff done and out of the way and then move on to wherever and whenever and whatever else it is that that singer sings. I don’t know; I’m just a person who doesn’t always pay attention, and perhaps attention is what I need to pay more of. If I don’t, I could end up paying other things and I’d much rather not. So yeah.

My gut isn’t happy this morning and that’s okay. It’ll be happy soon. I will make it happy by trying to treat it a little better than I have over the past few days. I’ll get through it all. I’ll survive. I’ll be okay and fine and all of those other things. And those things of otherness are what I will and will not on a hot and shiny day, and this is where I start going off the rails. However, I must relent for now, for I have a lot of day to cross through. I have a bit of time to pass and so in holding off I can go off the rails later.

It feels a little odd having the sun rise around an hour earlier at the moment. This is something I’ve gotten used to over the years. The changing in daylight savings is just part of my life, but this morning it feels odd and I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. It just does. I know I’ll survive, but… you know.

So where does that leave me now? I’m here, feeling odd about the amount of light at this particular time being different to what I’m used to and I’m just sitting here, writing about it and soon other things and it doesn’t matter so much anyway. There are other, more important things to worry about. There’s staying on task and getting through the morning and then getting through the day to worry about. There’s the music that I’ll be listening to to worry about. There’s getting through the day to worry about. There’s worrying to worry about, and don’t get me started on the repetition of it all.

And so, with a certain dullness I guess I’m just going to throw whatever into the next few paragraphs and hope for the best. It’s failed me before and I’m sure that it will keep on failing me, so therefore all I can do is keep on allowing it to fail me so that I can do whatever and yeah and so on and so forth and you get the idea.

Now I have to wonder about why I am continuing at this point. There’s somewhere around ten days left and then that’ll be that, and I’m still here, writing away. Still writing nonsense, and it’s fun, don’t get me wrong, but I could drop everything right now and I’d be okay.

Why am I like this? Why do I persist beyond what is reasonable? This is incredibly unreasonable. It’s unseasonable. It’s ridiculous and I keep on going. I go well beyond what is necessary, and then I go some more. I don’t stop and I need to stop at some point. I need to give myself some time to relax and take it easy, and I know that comes soon but I’m not allowing it. I’m not giving myself the space to breathe and I know that that’s the likely reason as to why I keep hitting these walls. Why I keep getting stuck and just churning out trash, but I’ve accepted my lot in life. I’ve accepted my fate. I keep going and I keep dragging out all the words and treating them without the respect they deserve, so I only have myself to blame at the end of the day. I only have these issues Due to my own impressive action through inaction, because I’ve chosen to take inaction which, in this particular instance, feels like an action of sorts to me.

But now I need to fill the rest of this space and try and work out something poignant. Something that touches the soul and reaches out and spreads further and further and moves away from me and then into you. Throwing words together in a way that appears to form sentences is great and all, but they should make sense. They should feel like they have context, unless that’s not the aim, in which case… yeah. You do the thing that you feel you need to do and I’ll keep doing the thing that I feel I need to do. We’ll go in circles and find the squares, and then the triangles will descend in order to mediate the foolishness of it all, and it will be foolish, trust me. Need to make sure it’s all foolish and plenty of foolishness. And then I will know where to go from there.

And clearly I’m trying to stretch this out without much to go on, and perhaps that’s okay. I seem to do better writing so long as I keep going. So long as I shake off the morning cobwebs and keep powering on, I’;m usually okay to do the things and all those other things. Therefore, whilst I’m still going to share this, it’s best to treat as just warming up and little else. It can be quite a lot, of course, but it’s not. But it does offer a base to work from and working from this base is what I will be doing today, unless I don’t do that, in which case… well, I’ve no idea, really. I’m just churning and churning is what I’m doing. And I’m yearning to find the right words in the right form in order to get across everything that I want to in a compressed fashion, but that ship has probably sailed.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 10:47:06

Not the best, not the worst. Still bad writing.

Written at home.