I feel like I should keep going this morning. I feel like I’m at the start of a roll and so the rolling is now what will happen. Today is now all about rolling and in saying that, it will remain as such until I change my mind. Expect my mind to change, as they say, but there’s no money in there at the moment so you’ll need to spare some if I am to engage in this sort of silliness.

I’m also trying to et more done before I head out as I need to head out shortly, and so… writing writing writing writing writing writing and that’s not fun to write over and over again, let me tell you.

But I’m rolling. I am on the ground rolling and now I know how it feels to be rolling around and going here and there, and avoiding making a Bob Dylan reference as that would be too easy and obvious and all that stuff. Don’t want to give everything away now. Need to keep some secrets secret, or so they say, or some similar nonsense. But you know, it is what it is and I sit here and I keep rolling on the ground, therefore not actually sitting here. It’s the way it ways and the go it goes, and it will keep on going until I finally realise that I don’t need to say all of this. Could say other things, really. Plenty of things to say out there that aren’t about things that I’ve said before. However, I’m not a geothermal geneticist, so I can’t comment on that.

I can’t comment on being an astronaut, either. Nor being a doctor or a proctologist, specifically a proctologist, nor a baker, surreal dancer… I like dancing though and it’s a powerful form of expression.

So what can I comment on? I can’t even comment on rolling, really, as I get dizzy far too easily and, to be quite honest, I don’t enjoy being dizzy. I’m sure there are some people out there who do, but that’s not my thing. Perhaps I should speak to them and explore the scene and find out what it takes to be a professional roller. I could learn a lot. I could also learn nothing.

I could be hoodwinked. I could be hornswalggled by the masses. Then I could produce something that isn’t informative, and where would that leave me? I’d have face on my face and egg on my egg. Might be delicious, of course, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make. The point I’m trying to make is about something or something else, and if I know better (I don’t), then I know worse, and I should know how to guide around these trying times and find my way through quiet days where dreaming is the best of the best, and nothing is worse than the best worst that ever couldn’t.

Yep. Returning to senselessness.

But soon I must take off and head off to go speak to a medical professional, and I can’t comment on their line of work beyond my being an occasionally participant, and so therefore I won’t. It would be rather silly, and not the kind of silliness I like to engage in these days. There are other, far more important things to cover and there’s a lot of time and not much time at the same time, so therefore I need to think more about what I am putting forward. I need to maximise time and cut incisively and then go from there. I need to find where the threads are all leading and I need to get on with my day, too. Need to wake up a bit more also too. Too much throwing words together and not enough placing them to ensure that structural integrity is maintained. I’m not doing the best of jobs, but that’s okay. I don’t necessarily mind at this particular juncture in time. However, give it a few hours and I’ll be complaining. I’ll be crying internally and then I’ll rethink my life and go read about something that doesn’t interest me as that would be a lot easier than admitting that, perhaps, I made a mistake.

And what mistake is it that I would need to admit to? Why, the promotion of eternal inefficiency and bloat in order to write words “just because”. There are far better things that I could be doing with my time and the same could be said for my time doing things with me. It’s a crossroads of eternities and there is no reaching or leaving them. Perhaps, then, I should just reconsider the whole thing. Find out what I am going on about and go on about it in a different way. A better way. Look for the smoothness, reach the ridges, get to where I was always planning on going which involves driving across some sort of landscape that seems nice and pleasant and all of those other things that I can say that sound good in the moment. They don’t feel good right now, but they sound good, and sound is what I’m good at producing. Sound and a lot of crap, and there certainly is a lot of crap that needs to be written out before I can properly announce that I haven’t written enough crap.

Sometimes I do wonder as to what my contribution to The Internet is, and in what way it’s had an impact, if any. I do have genuine concerns about wielding words irresponsibly, and I don’t think enough people think about this. There are so many ways something can go bad fast, even if your intentions are good, and I think about this sometimes but I continue to write absolute crap. It’s a strange space to be in. I can stop, but I don’t. I just keep churning, so I should think more about what I’m doing and actually put that thinking into practice.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 11:27:41

I had warmed up well when I started this. I should’ve kept going when I got back home from seeing my gp.

Written at home.