So I realised tat If I do something incredibly silly right now, I can wrap something up tomorrow, so of course I’m going to do then silly thing. The final week should not be about challenges and so I’m going to do my best to not make it about that. However, today and tomorrow will be.

So yes, it’s the final week, or rather, the final few days. I think there’s a week’s worth of days left, but it doesn’t feel like a week. In a few days, fifteen years since starting this space will reach its anniversary, and it’s making me think things. It’s a large milestone for any place on The Internet, really, and I’ve spent it entirely under the radar. In the shadows, beyond the shadows. Not even respectable enough to be said in the same sentence that mentions the shadows. That’s the way I like it though, so I’m not fussed. I’m okay.

This afternoon is going to be a churn and burn, and then I’ll be good. I’ll be fine. I’m going to write whatever and see what works and what doesn’t. It will be interesting to see the results are. Will be, but I’ll probably forget. They’ll fade away into nothingness, and that will be that, I suppose.

So I’m sitting here in Killara at this table, and I’m on my own right now. I’m wondering what my life has amounted to at this point, and what was and was not worthwhile. Where do the pieces lie, all that sort of thing. You know, the interesting stuff. I’m wondering where the meaning in this blog lies, and what is meaningful about it. It’s a strong expression of tedium and boredom, and a lot of misery thrown in for good measure. But that’s the way it goes, sometimes. Sometimes you set out to write silliness and nothing but silliness, and life takes its train and rams right through all the plans you had. And that’s okay, really.

There’s a strong wind outside, and it’s making things feel beautiful. Outside already was, but it feels more so. It feels inviting, and I am here to embrace it from a distance.

Water moves and makes the reflection upon its body waver, and the land is as it was: gradually changing eternally, representing everything and outliving all. Watching more sunrises and sets than anyone else will no. It has done this dance a countless amount of times, and nothing changes. Or rather, everything changes, but most at a rate we don’t perceive too well, or comprehend. We understand, but don’t comprehend.

But here I am, getting all big and emotional and introspective and stuff, and I’m struggling. I’m not even part of the way through the first of these today and I’m already struggling! Who am I, and why did I presume I could make everything all fine and dandy? I’m only one person, and I’m doing the thing and failing miserably, but that’s okay. It’s going to be a big hour, maybe a bit longer, and I’ll be fine. I’ll get through it. Always have and always do, and I’m lucky in that regard. Always lucky, always travelling, always continuing on to wherever comes next, and always making a small deal of it.

I’ve had so many weeks to get everything caught up and I’ve failed miserably, and you know, that’s okay. I don’t necessarily mind right now. I can only continue on and continue doing what I do until the end of it all. I think that’s best, really. What else is there for me, anyway? I just need to wrap this up, and wrap it up the way I feel is best The way I feel best works. If I can do that, then I think I’m good. I’m golden. Maybe platinum, even. I’ll get there. I’ll get to the end.

So what to say now? I’m just sitting here and it’s nice and I’m not enjoying the time that I have, but one tends to get moody near the end of things, I suppose. I suppose that it’s the way it goes at the end of it all, and that’s okay, really. Could be worse. I’ve had a good run with this space. But you know, moods and all of that stuff. Moods and cycles of thoughts going here and there, and there and here, and finding my way through it all. Trying to find the truth of it all, or the lies of it all, and find where all of everything sits and where everything sits among the all of it all. And trying to find words that will go together. Words that will fit neatly together and allow me to make sense of the thing of everything. The thing of everything.

Everything. The thing of. I’m already struggling and it’s too obvious. That’s the way it goes, sometimes, I suppose.

The day passes, I sit here, I get all introspective and wonder about my lot in life, and then I keep on going. And I have to think about how lucky I am to be alive at this particular juncture in time. It’s great. I mean, everything does suck, true, but it is great that I can sit here and crap on about things that don’t really matter. This is a significant privilege to have, because a lot of people don’t A lot people don’t have the ability to sit in relative comfort and not give a shit about so many things out there, though I do certainly give a shit about  a lot of things. I give a shit about those people, and those less fortunate than me.

So, soon. A few more days. It’s going to be interesting. Or it won’t. We’ll just have to see. Or we won’t. I am yet to find out. Could be incredibly boring the whole way through. That’d suck, but it’d be something. It’d be something that says something, and that’d be something neat.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 13:04:37

Good speed, bits of good writing in here, but not good enough.

Written at Killara.