So I just found out that I’ve now had my best year here, stats-wise. The now-second best is 2017. Probably reached it yesterday or the day before. Maybe earlier today. I don’t know. I think this is interesting.

I’m not sure what I did well in 2017 that I was unable to replicate in other years. Maybe there was a lot more introspection or something. I don’t know and I don’t care to know, and that’s the main thing to take away from this. But anyway, that’s another story for another day.

I don’t want to get too much into it, but it’s an interesting milestone, I think. Or rather, it’s an interesting thing to happen. I think it’s interesting as this is happening when I’m approaching the end of the blog. A good few months ago, traffic just shot up and it’s stayed up, and I don’t know what has happened to cause this. I don’t know why people are suddenly swarming all over the space. I haven’t offered anything new or different. It’s as it has always been, nothing has changed, really. Well, the quality has gotten worse, but other than that, nothing has changed. It’s just been a massive dear diary thing for far too long, far away from the original purpose, and it keeps on going. The crap keeps on coming and there is no end in sight!

Oh wait, there is. Anyway…

So I’m doing well, numbers-wise. I’m doing the best I’ve ever done, and if I were to continue on to the end of the year, I’m sure I’d do far better than I am now. I don’t want to do that, however. I just want this to end in a few days. I want to be rid of it and then shake my brain for whatever comes next.

I wonder what attracts people to what I’m doing. I’ve never been a competent writer. Actually, I’m competent, but I’d never call myself a good writer. My vocabulary is highly limited, and my sentence construction is severely lacking. Maybe my writing feels incredibly human, or something.

These are things that I’ll never know the answer to, and I think that;s okay. I think that’s fine, because I’ll keep writing the way that I write and hopefully make some sort of incremental growth along the way, and some people will like it and some people won’t. I’ll just keep on going and doing my thing, because that’s all I can do, really. Well, I could stop, but I don’t want to stop. I just want the shape to change. The direction. And look toward other horizons. Toward other sunrises and sunsets. Find my path and cut through it with a long horn, so that I can then call victory once done.

So life goes on and I’m here, a bit baffled by the change in numbers. But the explosion in growth. It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t know what it means or says about much of anything other than some people are now enjoying this, or at least coming here, than there had been previously.

So where do I go from here? I still have more words to write this evening and I’m getting there, but it’s tiring. It’s taking it out of me, so I hope that means that I will sleep tonight. Sleep and do backflips in my dreams. Flick backwards and somersault in whatever direction one does those in. I don’t know, I’m not a flipper. I am good at flipping, or something similar, however, so maybe there’s something that I can understand. But this, this I don’t understand.

What makes popularity? What makes success? Somehow I’ve gotten this far in my life without knowing much of either, and I’m still going and going strong, or at least what I think is strong. I’m still getting to the end of each day and waking up in the morning, and I’m still here. That’s quite a lot and I’m happy with that. That means something, even if it doesn’t mean that I’m rich and able to relax. That is some sort of success still, so I can be thankful for that.

And so… yeah. I don’t know where else to go with all of this. There’s still so little to say and so, so many words to use to say it all. I am struggling hard, but I’m getting there. I’m getting through it, and that;s the main thing. So long as I keep saying, I can keep playing. So long as I can keep playing, I can find my way through all the confusion and struggle and get to the other end in one piece. Maybe two pieces, or six pieces if I’m lucky. Then there will be more of me to go around.

Maybe the sudden increase in views is due to people wanting to see how thin someone can stretch themselves. I’m practically translucent at this point, however. Not sure if there’s more stretching that can be done, though maybe there is. I don’t know, I don’t hope to know and I don’t care to know either. I can just keep on stretching. Stretching further and further, going beyond all that is and all that ever was, and then finding myself wind back up in a quick movement. A snapping motion, and… yeah. You get the idea. I get the idea. We all get the idea. Now onto the next thing.

But perhaps it is that. Maybe it’s not, and maybe it;s something else entirely. Maybe there is some quality in all that I have written that I am blind to, and it attracts people. That’d be neat if it is indeed the case, so I will not rule that out just yet. However, maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I will rule it out and then I will be ruled by what I don’t know, and life will continue and I’ll go to work and… yeah. Fun times in the grind.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 12:16:31

Decent speed for something a bit more serious than my usual fare.

Written at Killara.