Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1298: Something to Follow

Posted on September 14, 2023 by Stupidity Hole

The day is done and yet it continues on. It shifts in colour as light disappears and soon it will be colourless in some spaces. In others there will be some sort of light still around and colour will gather there, hoping to stay around long enough to survive until the morning.

It’s in here too and there is something harsh about its dullness that I can’t quite put my finger on, but I don’t necessarily find it unpleasant. I find the light in this room more unpleasant, but that’s another story for another time, if there is indeed ever another time where I decide that a good topic of discussion would be to discuss the light in this bedroom.

Well, now that I have all of that out of the way I have to wonder as to how time twists around this space and seems to hold everything in a stillness. It all remains still and silent and motionless and yet it all changes. The room and the space is the same but things move around and change and it is always the same, but it never is. Throughout time it becomes a container of memories and emotions and thoughts and discussion, and it becomes a place of stress and pressure and relief and freedom.

Maybe there’s something there to follow but it’s not for me to follow right now. Right now I just sit here and I hope I get to the end of the day with enough things out of the way. I don’t know at what point enough will truly be enough but I keep on trying. I keep on going and hoping and hopefully once I get to the end of it all I’ll be right where I want to be in terms of things done. They will be added to my experience and I’ll have had my fill in exactly the amount I wanted, and if that does indeed happen then perhaps that is the problem, because getting something done is often enough, but it can be easy to tell oneself that it wasn’t.

Writing this gets in the way but it also doesn’t as there’s not much to deal with today and perhaps that is a good thing. The need is to remain busy and the tasks are there and they will take longer than the light in the sky will take to fade, but hopefully they don’t take too much longer. There needs to be time to rest so as to experience time in a different way. There needs to be time for moving and motion and stillness and silence and all that stuff, and there needs to be time to pause and step away from everything, and it needs to be in balance so that when the light in here goes off and all the colour disappears there is rest and respite and so waking up tomorrow does not feel like waking up into the beginning of a series of ordeals.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:59:17

Fast but I think some of this doesn’t fit with most of what I’ve written.

Written at home.

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Silk in a Breeze

Posted on September 14, 2023 by Stupidity Hole

Here’s another of the photos with fabric I took at some sand dunes.
With this one I wanted to keep the focus on the silk and by pushing shadows so that the background disappeared I think I succeeded quite well. More of the silk’s detail comes through and there’s more of a sense of depth as originally the photo seemed a bit flat.

When taking this photo there was enough of a breeze for the silk to not fall to the ground so I had my partner hold it whilst I shot from a position that was almost underneath. I wanted to get the silk in motion across the frame and I think in that regard I succeeded.

This is my submission into Leanne Cole‘s “Monochrome Madness” for this week. Participating is pretty straightforward and something I recommend. If you do, then include the tag “monochrome-madness” in your post. If not participating, then at the least check out Leanne’s photography as well as what other people submit.

A lot of what people are submitting will likely end up here.

I hope you enjoy.

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Pressure

Posted on September 13, 2023 by Stupidity Hole

I was hoping to get back to doing this stuff sooner after moving than I have but it has been a tough time. A lot of trying to hold on and resist the urge to sell my camera gear so I’m no longer living paycheck to paycheck, and also due to being tired of feeling like I have to work harder and try and be better than everyone who grew up with opportunity.

A lot of job rejections whilst being told to keep on trying despite almost three years of trying to get a better job and having people look at my resume to make it more appealing.

Being reminded as to why I don’t want to go into academia.

Growing up poor can be hard, as can getting out of being poor. It’s easy to tell someone that that’s life and to suck it up when you’re in a better position; the problems of the poor are easy to ignore until someone in the middle or higher classes may be impacted, which the problems then seemingly are actually considered. For those underneath it’s business as usual, however.

Things are a massive struggle right now and I’m still going, but I’m getting close to packing everything in and calling it a day. I’ve been trying to get off the ground for a long time and I’m tired of people telling me to keep trying. At this point I’d much rather just work something I don’t have to care about and drop everything that I do as, at least that way I might have some semblance of financial security.

I wanted to redo something I did a while ago and this one felt the most appropriate. I included the original which is called Frustration. I can’t remember why but I’m sure it was apt at the time.

Pressure was started and finished yesterday, and Frustration was done in 2015.

Edit: Turns out Frustration was done in 2014 and I shared it here. Still leaving it here to highlight the “change” better.

I hope you enjoy.

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A Walk Around Cape Banks

Posted on September 12, 2023 by Stupidity Hole

A good few weeks ago I went for a walk around Cape Banks, in part for the coastal fantasy thing I’m slowly working on and in part to try and get some photos around sunset. There was something in particular I was aiming for which I got on a subsequent trip, albeit not quite at the angle or with the right amount of light (here). That was mainly due to arriving later than I intended due to procrastination, but I did the best with what time I had.

When I arrived there still was a good deal of light, though sunset had commenced so I had to walk quickly. As such I walked as quickly as I felt comfortable walking so I wouldn’t be walking in the dark.

I remember there being a slight breeze and it was nice, and I remember the sound of waves hitting the coastline with a great deal of power. sunset’s light cast a soft light across the coastline and it was beautiful. Shadows grew long enough to not seem distinct and it was a sight to behold.

I stopped to take photos here and there before reminding myself to keep on walking so I could make the most of what light would remain where I wanted to go. As I walked and powered on I began to think about life stuff and I began to think about my friend who passed away early on in the pandemic.

I thought about how I was yet to say anything about him and what he meant to me in a space for his friends. I thought about how I’d been spending time trying to think of something right to say when I should have just said something.

I thought about the few times we did share together and I thought about moments when we’d message each other. All of it was spaced out over years and it was always satisfying in some way.

As I walked I thought about how I should’ve spent more time speaking to him, and I resolved to finally say something in the group. We were not the closest of friends but he meant something to me. Still does.

I eventually reached my destination and it was too dark. I took some photos anyway, though not of what I was after, then I continued along the path which now moved away from the water and toward part of the road which I’d then follow back to my car. I walked faster than earlier as I hadn’t been at Cape Banks at night before and so I was unsure of how safe it was to be there when it was dark. I was also concerned about being locked in as the entry gate closes at a certain time, but I can’t remember which right now.

I moved as quickly as I could and I did well for time but it grew too dark to walk without a torch before I reached the road. Thankfully I had one with me which made walking a little easier but I remained worried about something happening.

I eventually reached the road and it was not long before I saw the moon unobstructed, and it was wonderful. A few minutes later and I switched the torch off as it was no longer needed. The moon was reflecting enough light for me to see well enough; As I walked to where I parked it felt liberating in a way, and perhaps I was not relaxed but I felt less heavy.

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About a Mole Removal

Posted on September 12, 2023 by Stupidity Hole

Eleven years ago I had a mole removed from one of my arms. It was a mole I’d had for most of my life up to that point but it was starting to feel tender and so I thought it better to have it gone just in case.

I went to my GP at the time and went through the process. It was a bit of a cut and the mole had deep roots but it went smoothly. Didn’t feel it or the stitches going in, but I did feel the tugging of the stitching and that was odd. Bandaging was applied shortly after and then I was on my way.

Thankfully the mole wasn’t cancerous.

Two weeks later I went back to my GP to have the stitching removed. They took it out, told me to be careful as the cut was still healing and I then headed off to work. Two hours later whilst I was at my desk the cut suddenly split open and filled with blood.

I headed back to my GP who dressed the opening and put some sort of tape on it to hold it together. They then told me to come back every second day (I remember it being that, though it might’ve been every third day) as, due to what had happened it would need to be monitored and possibly redressed. I went home after that as it was a ten minute walk and I’d gotten the rest of the day off due to what happened.

I can’t remember if I called work to tell them what my GP told me, or if I told work the following day when I went back in, though I’m fairly certain I would’ve called… Anyway, I told work what I was told and it wasn’t something they were happy with; to be specific, my manager at the time was not happy as it meant I wouldn’t be working as much for a short bit of time.

I’d have to leave work early to get to my GP at a reasonable time and my manager put pressure on me to make going through the process finish sooner, or to try and get my GP to change their mind. I was full-time, but my job was not so important that doing what my GP instructed would cause unmanageable issues.

That was a needlessly stressful place to work.

Anyway, I listened to my GP and the tape was reapplied and eventually my skin healed as properly as it could. There’s a scar that, after all these years remains quite visible and that’s fine. It still feels weird to touch, and sometimes I miss my mole. Better to be safe than sorry though.

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Gradual From a Distance

Posted on September 11, 2023 by Stupidity Hole

From a distance the incline of this bit of fire trail doesn’t look too bad.
I suppose walking it isn’t too bad either but it did feel pretty rough.

I hope you enjoy.

 

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1297: Checking Emails

Posted on September 11, 2023 by Stupidity Hole

I need to stop checking my emails as frequently as I am today. I am waiting for some responses and I need to make sure that I don’t miss them. At the same time I need to make sure I don’t seem overly eager or desperate, which I guess I am.

Where is the right balance when it comes to responding to an email? Is there are particular amount of time that is considered the minimum? What about the maximum? I’d rather just not waste anyone’s time and perhaps I am busy today but I need to make it look like I’m not so busy I can’t respond, but that I’m not doing anything at the same time, which I am, even though I am busy today.

It’s a bit of a conundrum I’m finding myself in and I’m, twisting myself into various knots not knowing how to go about all of this but I need to work this out.

Maybe I can have the emails beamed directly into my brain and that way I won’t miss anything. If I do that, then surely I am set up for success and if I am set up for success then I am set up for going farther than I ever have before. Then I’ll have to ride the gravy train all the way into the golden hours that I never thought possible and if I do that, then surely I will find myself with a surfeit of riches and then I can go back to tending to my garden and that would be wonderful, I think.

Maybe it wouldn’t be wonderful. Maybe it would be bad and then, in knowing success I will not know what else there is and I will collapse into an inevitable black hole of sadness and disappointment. Slowly my rage will consume me, leaving little else other than a shallow husk of what once was, and my crust will be so brittle that I’ll just fall apart in flakes the moment anyone even suggests the idea of a breeze.

This is all a balancing act and I need to make sure I find the right balance. I don’t know how to find that but I’m sure that I will find it, but what does it take to do that? What does it take to ensure that I get there in one piece and not four? I don’t want to be in four pieces; that’s a lot to carry around and I need my hands free to tell people how busy I am, which I am, even though I’m not actually doing anything to make myself less busy.

There’s just too much danger in all of this so it’s probably better I stick to checking my emails with alarming regularity. That way the day remains consistent in some manner and everything is fine and all that other stuff that I get to say that I think makes me sound good but actually says nothing of viable substance.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:51:83

I think some of this is decent and some of this is lacking. Uneven overall, but some of it I like.

Written at home.

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A Night by The Opera House

Posted on September 10, 2023 by Stupidity Hole

I couple of nights ago I was walking around Sydney CBD with a friend taking photos, including the one below. I was trying to get a photo with the lower area prominent and The Sydney Opera House sort of looming in the background. I think that had I shot from a lower position that would come through better, but I like how this feels a bit matter of fact.

This is my submission into the two hundred-and-sixty-sixth Lens-Artists Photo Challenge. The theme for this one is “Time“.

I feel this photo fits the challenge as it’s nighttime. It also is a bit quieter in this photo than I thought it would be, but that might have to do with it being cold. The combination of thw two sort of creates a transitional feel… kind of.

The host of the Lens-Artists challenges cycles weekly between the following people:

Week 1 – Tina

Week 2 – Patti

Week 3 – Ann-Christine aka Leya

Week 4 – Amy

Week 5 – John Steiner

Week 6 – Sofia Alves

Week 7 – Anne Sandler

Week 8 – Donna

Week 9 – Guest host

Donna is curating this one. The next is guest-curated by Egidio of Through Brazilian Eyes, and he has provided a hint for the theme: “Recharge”.

I recommend participating in the challenges as they provide a fun way to interpret theme. If not participating, then at least you should still check out what others of the Lens-Artists community are submitting.

I hope you enjoy.

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Floating Fabric

Posted on September 9, 2023 by Stupidity Hole

Another photo taken around the same time as these photos.

This was one of the results of trying to capture a photo of the silk as it fell. It looks like it’s moving but it also looks still. I wasn’t necessarily trying to get a stillness – I’m pretty sure I wanted a good sense of motion – but I think that this still works as it’s a crisp look at the silk’s form.

I hope you enjoy.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1296: So What?

Posted on September 8, 2023 by Stupidity Hole

Where do I even begin with today? Or any of the past few days?

It has been a real heavy struggle and I’m trying to push through, and that’s probably the lightest I can put anything. I want to write but I don’t want to write and I’m in a state of driving whilst off the ground. Spinning wheels and all that.

You hope that something comes forward and nothing does and it becomes this weird eternal dance of going nowhere and being pressed on from all sides and being told to keep going whilst not being able to go anywhere or do anything in terms of advancing yourself. Don’t get me wrong; sometimes going nowhere is fine but it’s frustrating when you’re not going anywhere not by choice and you’re having people who give shallow gestures of encouragement, then fuck off when the going gets tough.

Such is life.

I’m sitting here and I feel alright at the moment. I don’t feel as fried as I did yesterday. I’m together and I’m still going but there is so much that I’m missing out on. I won’t be missing out on doing some photography tonight. That will be good. It will be some sort of relief, but I’m trying to not give up on that. I want to keep on going and keep on taking photos and all that, but at the same time I’m at a point where the desire to sell my gear and stop is really strong. But I have to keep going on because I shouldn’t give up, apparently.

Anyway, I don’t know what else there is to say at this point. I’m going to throw some more crap up soon and then get to processing photos before I head out. I need to take care of things and all that stuff but it’s a long day ahead and I’m just one person and I need to rest and I need to have work come my way.

I need a lot of things, but I really need work coming my way. It would help a lot, but at least I’ll be outside this evening and at least I’ll be doing something I still want to do, in a sense, but it’s tough. It’s tough and it’s getting tougher and I need someone to not tell me something along the lines of “tough luck”, which thankfully no one has, but it really is easy for someone to say that when they’re not poor, I’ve noticed.

But beyond all that I’m meant to talk about happy and nonsensical things because that’s what people want. They don’t want to read that someone is having a shit time, I’ve noticed, but that’s life. Who am I to say what people should and should not want to read? Who am I to proclaim my words are more important than anyone else who is out there? I’m just one person with a space to throw crap into The Internet Abyss. So what?

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:25:82

Some of my angriest writing in a while.
Could be better as it isn’t as focused as it should be, but it gets something across.

Written at home.

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