ONCE THERE WAS A POTATO AND IT WAS CALLED JOE WHO DECIDED TO ONE DAY TRY AND NOT BE A POTATO AND IT DECIDED IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO BE AN ORBITAL NUCLEAR BALLISTICS MISSILE PLATFORM SO POTATO JOE UPROOTED AND TORE OFF INTO THE SUNSET UNTIL IT REACHED SPACE AND WHEN IT REACHED SPACE IT STARTED ABSORBING MATTER UNTIL IT WAS LARGE ENOUGH BUT THEN IT WASN’T ABLE TO LAUNCH A NUCLEAR BALLISTICS MISSILE BECAUSE IT FORGOT TO ABSORB THE LAUNCHING MECHANISM AND ABSORBED AMBIENT MUSIC BASED OFF THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ABBA SO THERE WASN’T MUCH REJOICING SO POTATO JOE TORE A HOLE INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION AND DISAPPEARED AND THEN UNDISAPPEARED AFTER FIGHTING A FOURHUNDRED YEAR WAR AND DIED TO SAVE WHERE IT WAS FIGHTING BECAUSE IT’S BETTER TO DIE ON YOUR FEET THAN LIVE ON YOUR KNEES EVEN THOUGH POTATO JOE DOESN’T HAVE LEGS UNLESS YOU COUNT ROOTS IN SOME METAPHORICAL SENSE BUT I’M NOT SURE ON THAT ONE BECAUSE IT’S NOT SOMETHING I’M WELL VERSED IN BUT POTATO JOE WOULD KNOW, BECAUSE HE’S A POTATO THAT WAS ONCE AN ORBITAL NUCLEAR BALLISTICS MISSILE PLATFORM THAT SAVED SOME OTHER PLACE BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT POTATOES DO. SO THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS ALWAYS BE WHO YOU ARE, EVEN IF YOU’RE A POTATO JUST LIKE POTATO JOE BECAUSE LAUNCHING MISSILES AS A VEGETABLE DOESN’T WORK AND YOU END UP STUCK WITH SOME SORT OF AMBIENT MUSIC THAT IS SOMEWHAT HARD TO IMAGINE DUE TO WHAT IT WAS INFLUENCED BY BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T, YOU’RE NOT BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND END UP BEING A SHIFTY INSURANCE-TYPE SALES PERSON THAT DOESN’T APPRECIATE THE SUBTLETIES OF BACKGAMMON.