One Thousand Word Challenge 26: Chicken Bawkade

Alright, so at this stage we know that chicken will be the dominant species in the future, and we know that their beak peck P.S.I. is comparable to the P.S.I. of great white sharks. These are things we know as they are facts in science that are still theory, but as we all know, these are things that will become true as they are what will come to be in eventual time.

Well, the dominant species thing will occur. The P.S.I. one is already here to stay. Well, at least for the time being. There is no telling as to how evolution will lead the humble chicken along in the future.

However, that is a rumination for another day, as today there is something else that is far more worthy of discussion on this particular day, and that is due to it being thought of and heavily researched beforehand.

Alright people; get ready as this thing is true and real and it needs to be explained in order for you all to learn something new about the awesome might of the chicken.

So let us say that you’re on a country that is about to be invaded. Let us say that, hypothetically, this was not premeditated by anyone other than the people invading and they’re doing it under false pretenses.

So what do you do? It is happening quite suddenly and there’s little you can do as your defences are not strong enough to halt the seemingly-inevitable. Nor are they ready enough.

Well, there is a solution and this is the part that has been researched far more than necessary.

So the invaders are invading by water for some reason and you’re on the coastline and you can see this happening. They’re at a far distance, but it won’t be long before they reach the shoreline and start birthing all the people who are there to get heavy with your place.

So, what you do is you get a bunch of chickens. You need a long row of chickens that are equidistant from each other, with the distance between being very small. You’d want them to almost be touching each other.

Now you want this row to be very long. You’d need it to be at least one kilometre in length and the chickens need to have even spacing between each other. There cannot be any room for error, as if there is error then it may cause unintended effects.

So once you have your row of chickens along the coastline facing out to sea (the row cannot bend either, so you want to make sure that the row is not going over the edge of the coastline which is okay anyway as there can be an ever-so-slight distance between the row of chickens and the edge of the coastline). Then, once you have your row assembled, you  get another row of chickens to then stand of the first row of chickens. Same setup for those ones.

This needs to be repeated until you have five rows of chickens. You may also want to extend the horizontal length of your wall of chicken, but that may not be necessary.

Once you have the set up, you need to make sure that the chickens are facing the right direction. They must be facing away from the land and out toward the ocean. Preferably facing the attackers. IF they are not,m then this is likely to not have the intended effect.

Anyway, once you have the chickens set up and ready to go, you then have the chickens simultaneously bawk.

What will happen, when they bawk at the same time, will be a sonic force so powerful that it wil lead to the invasion being halted before it even reaches the land.

So how it works is that when the chickens all bawk in unison, the atoms affected by the mass bawk ricochet and accelerate off of each other as the amount of space lessens due to the mass sound consuming the available space, therefore leading to an increased reach, acceleration and power. This then leads to what is known as a “resonance bawkade”.

The power of the resonance bawkade will then lead to the ships failing horribly and will then be unable to proceed any further. They may even begin sinking.

This is so effective and powerful that there would be no need to rely on usual defence tactics anymore.

It is also far less resource and power intensive than many other conventional methods.

Now, the real question is related to what you would do when someone comes in via the air.

That question is as follows:

“What would you do when someone comes in via the air?”

It’s rather simple, really.

What you’d need to do is tilt the wall of chicken to a particular angle. You’d tilt it to thirty-five degrees and then have the chickens bawk simultaneously.

This would then lead to the resonance bawkade going into the air and hitting the planes, scrambling their radars and sensors which would lead to them needing to turn around and go back, or possibly make a landing much earlier than expected.

Such is the power of the resonance bawkade and such is the power of the chicken.

This force, when harnessed for purposes that are not of the offensive is a mighty tool.

There have been chickens that have used it in order to make sure that their young, yet burgeoning society remains protected from all the evils that would wish to crush and subjugate its livelihood, hopes and dreams.

It is something that should not be treated lightly, for there can be consequences of dire, catastrophic nature unleashed if one who is not careful and attentive attempts to use the resonance bawkade.

So, as you can see, this is completely true. It is a thing that we must respect and  understand, for power in the hands of those who do not understand it may lead us to dark times.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 17:30:97

Another one that I’ve been meaning to write for a few weeks but had put off for no discernible reason.

Written at work.

About Stupidity Hole

I'm some guy that does stuff. Hoping to one day fill the internet with enough insane ramblings to impress a cannibal rat ship. I do more than I probably should. I have a page called MS Paint Masterpieces that you may be interested in checking out. I also co-run Culture Eater, an online zine for covering the arts among other things. We're on Patreon!
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