Five-Hundred Word Challenge 850: Grand Proclamation Device

Well, here we are, into the first afternoon of the first day of this year and that is the way that things go.

Whatever that sentence means, I do not know, but let us just pretend that it is some sort of grand proclamation that I can use to wave some sort of grand proclamation device around as it is advertising the device that I am now going to try and sell to you, the reader, so that I can then do something or something.

So that is the device and you may now look upon it. What this device does is make grand proclamations and it does it at the ease and convenience of some sort of thing that expresses some sort of ease and convenience and also at a very low price that anyone may be able to afford so long as they have the correct currency at the correct quantity, thus allowing them to be able to afford the object in question. This is obviously something that is a good thing, or something.

So then you need to know what it is that you need as a reason as to why you would want to get this, and the only answer that I can provide is to corner the market. Sure, the market is always on the move and one day due to planned obsolescence, this will be something that is considered a relic of the past due to there being better and far superior options available at the time this is classified as a relic of the past; something of which will likely occur within two years or less, but whilst it is still hot and fresh you would have the home advantage over others as you were an early adopter. There is a certain air of superiority in that and that means that you get to be ahead of the curve. Sure, there is some sort of positive in staying with the curve, but this is something that will allow you to be ahead and very much so. You’ll be seen as a trendsetter, and what could be more powerful than that when it comes to stature in society?

There is also its unique, flawless-looking design of which allows you to look flawless whilst carrying it around. Sure, it weighs a lot and perhaps seems unwieldy and unwilling to yield to easy operation, but these are all things that benefit in the long run. There is no downside to this thing that is easy enough for you to own and straightforward when it comes to doing the thing that it does, so long as you understand that straightforward is a term relative to this device in terms of this device, but it has all these buttons and looks like an accordion during a moonless night, but sometimes feels the loneliness of existence sink in when it is perforated by saturation, but it certainly does do the thing it does, so you should buy it now.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:59:63

After that first sentence was written I very quickly wanted to derail what I was writing. Somewhere during the second sentence I decided I was going to try and write some sort of advertisement, which ended up derailing into some sort of silliness.

Not great, but I’m content with what the writing gets across.

Written at home.

About Stupidity Hole

I'm some guy that does stuff. Hoping to one day fill the internet with enough insane ramblings to impress a cannibal rat ship. I do more than I probably should. I have a page called MS Paint Masterpieces that you may be interested in checking out. I also co-run Culture Eater, an online zine for covering the arts among other things. We're on Patreon!
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