Alright, so once more I am attempting this thing. Very short amount of time since the last attempt but that’s okay. It’s not about creating content at the moment so much as it is my being on a mission to try and succeed and get to the target that I want to get to, which is the target of under nine minutes. Maybe I will make it today. I have hopes. They are not high, but they are present and they are the hopes of which I hope to satisfy in the hope of reaching the target of under nine minutes.
Of course, in order to do this I need to make sure that my posture remains good and also that my position of the hands over the keyboard remains unfailing. It might just fail, but that is on me rather than anything else. Need to remember not to slouch. Need to remember to maintain posture and keep on going and just power on and all of that other stuff that I need to remember. Need to also stay focused and not let my mind wander.
If I can pull this off today, then I think I shall rest for a little bit of time. That amount of rest will be determined by my need to do other things, so therefore there likely will not be much, if any rest at all. That is a shame, but there are worse things out there so I think I’ll manage.
It is warm in here which is not helping. That is a distraction that I don’t think I can afford to entertain, but it is one that is being entertained at the moment and I don’t want to. I just want to continue on with what I an doing and hope for the best and keep on powering on and not worry about the fact that soon I will start sweating profusely which will make me feel uncomfortable and therefore take my mind off what it is that I am trying to do, which is something that I do not want to do. I just want to keep on powering on nd keep on driving forward and hope that somehow I get to the end without any worries.
Maybe I can get to under eight minutes, but that is not a target for today. If it does happen, of course I’ll be surprised but also maybe I was expecting it and therefore waive my right to the art of surprise and therefore need to carry on with whatever it is that I am doing that does not involve this, which is working the day away so that I get tot he end of it and can thusly proclaim how tired I feel and then turn into a pile of goop. Some sort of object that once had some sort of shape but is now amorphous, which still gives it a shape somehow as despite the one structure disintegrating, the skin keeps it all together and therefore I still l have shape that is recognisable as something but somehow it still all is amorphous and all for that other stuff and now I shall move toward something else so that I don’t stick to this bit of thought for so long as there are other things out there that need conquering and I am not the person to do so, which is a surprise of sorts, I guess.
Now that I think about it, that really is a bit of a surprise as I was trying to boost myself up to gargantuan proportions and now I have managed to cut myself down in size. This is not what I wanted to do, but now I have and now I don’t know what to do from here on out. I guess the target is to finish this sooner rather than later, but what else am I meant to do if I cannot boost my ego far beyond what is reasonable? Where do I go from here? I feel as though I am at a loss and I don’t know as to what I can do about it. Maybe I can write my way out of this situation, but that of course is a long stretch and really, I’m just hoping for the best when the best has already come along.
The illusion is shattered and I am now in a desultory state that I cannot comprehend as I was forced to experience something that is completely and utterly alien to my ability to think far greater than anything else on the planet, and now I am aware that the veil has dropped and I am just a person, sitting here banging away om a keyboard and doing little else other than creating crab that needs to be thrown into the cosmos of crabs. That is a long throw but maybe I can do that. Maybe I can discard all of this and then become something else. Maybe I can build up to what it is that I thought I was. That is a long stretch of course, but it is possible so long as I keep on trying to get there and in the end if I do it, then maybe, just maybe I am what I think I was, but of course there needs to be the suffering of the personhood and the dismaying of the ego in order to get there.
But of course that is all a pipe dream of sorts and what is really going on is that I’ve gone on some sort of tangent and am now trying to land back on the ground before I float away too far and lose control of this whole thing which is nearing its end anyway. Soon I will get there, but I just need to keep on pushing on and so long as I keep on doing that, I will work out how to end this, right words used and all.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 08:46:39
There were ups and there were downs.
Laughter was heard and tears were shed, but at the end I managed to get this done in under nine minutes and at the same time produce something not worth reading.
Written at home.