What am I doing?

Why am I sitting here with this open right now? I’ve nothing to write. No thoughts are entering, but most are leaving for the time being. Maybe they will come back a little bit later on in the day. For now, it’s just this and there will be other things, but I don’t know as to what I am doing at the present moment, other than racing forward and hoping for the thoughts to come back sooner rather than later.

I saw them leave. They followed a line outside my window and then drifted off to somewhere I cannot reach. This is, of course, not ideal. I need them in my brain so that I can make good use of them, or at least some use of them. If they go elsewhere, then there is little I can do with them. There is little use I can make of them unless I am able to follow them, which in this instance I am unfortunately not able to do so and of course that upsets me to some extent. It is only a mild upsetting and not a major one, but an upsetting nonetheless.

What am I to do? Who am I to follow? Where do I even go form here? There is no racing to the bottom; there is just sitting and hoping for the best.

Of course that hoping for the best is hoping that the thoughts come back out of their own volition. Maybe some twisting and coercing can help, but unfortunately this is  not something that I can provide at the moment. What I am able to provide is a place for them to be housed, which is in my head, but of course I need them to come back from where they are.

If they do not come back, then at the least go to somewhere where I am able to follow so I can follow them and have a chat and then try to convince them that it is better to come back and not abandon my thinking. That would also be ideal, but of course I have no idea if I can even pull this off. It’s all wishful thinking and I am thinking wishfully about the whole thing, really. Maybe that won’t happen and instead I’ll just sit here, staring at this screen and continue on hoping for the best and not expecting the worst.

If that does not work out, then of course I need to find other options of which I can pursue. Maybe I will need to create some new thoughts and then try and keep them in my brain. That too would be a good idea. Maybe that is what will need to be done. Of course then the issue of the old thoughts returning becomes a thing, so I’ll create more room first. That way I can accommodate all that needs to be accommodated and therefore there will be a solution that might work.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 04:56:25

With this one I just followed my thoughts.

Written at home.