And so slowly things ebb away at a rate that could be described as consistent, and it probably is, but for all I know I know nothing about any of this and it’s all just some hoopla I’ve invented in my mind so as to justify some sort of dramatic nature in the words that I use and so I will just keep on keeping on, even though right now I just need to crash. I don’t need to permanently crash, but for a little bit. I don’t want to permanently crash as that would mean that I miss out on a few things I am not prepared to miss out upon. Therefore a short nap would be required.
So anyway, I’m sitting here and I’m still tired and I’m knocking this out in a fashion that may be considered as “perfunctory”, and yet I don’t think I can do anything else. I am on a track of which I am required to follow, and follow it I am, as is the way of these things. Still, I can’t help but feel as though I should exit and derail soon as I need to find other things to do and other things to write about.
Of course there is something queued up in a manner of speaking, and that queuing up will reveal itself as something a little bit later. However, for now I knock this out and I write these words and I write them as though I have no choice but to write them, though perhaps that has to do with repetition, for I have written these words many times and I am sure that I will write them again. I will of course try to change that, but right now is not the time for trying to change that as there are other things of which I need to take care of and those things require some sort of order of priority, but of course I’ve written that many, many times and will continue to do so.
It is almost as though this is some sort of vicious circle that I refuse to leave and so in that refusal to leave I keep on churning out the same thing over and over and there is no changing that. Well, there is changing that, but even though I insist that I want to change that I don’t and so the same thing keeps getting said in the same way and all that happens is that more of the same is produced in a way that clearly states that it is more of the same. Sure, it could be less, but it is more and as it is more it is more than less and so it just keeps on going.
One might be able to say that this is foundation upon foundation and I need to start building something else. However, I would suggest that the foundation is yet to be completely finished and so I need to finish it off. Of course I would be lying to myself if I said that, but sometimes that’s just the way these things go. Sometimes you lie to yourself as you don’t want to face up to the thing that you’re doing and so in lying to yourself nothing changes and you keep on going headlong into an issue that you know exists when the exit is right there. The exit is right next to the issue and yet you keep on ignoring it as for some reason you want to keep running into the issue.
Now I don’t know what I am saying with this, though truthfully I do. However, with that being said and all of those other things, what I’m really saying is that I don’t want the things to change.
Then again, maybe I’m saying something else entirely and I’m refusing to admit that I’m saying anything else entirely. Therefore, what I’m really saying is nothing at all. All of this continues to be meaningless, though at least it is a form of exercise that I can get behind, and exercise is a good thing to engage in if you can. Otherwise, if you can’t, then maybe it’s not a good thing to engage in.
There probably are a lot of things that are both good and bad, depending on the situation, and maybe that’s something that requires a bit more rumination than I’d allow myself within the confines of whatever this is, but still, perhaps there is a bit more that can be said than what is being said right now, and perhaps that is something that I should look at revisiting at some point in the future.
Anyway, with all of that being said, here is where this bit of thing wraps up, though perhaps I’m calling it a little too early. I need to make sure that I get what I get done and in a timely fashion, but right now I’m writing the ending and hoping that it all comes together in a way that makes as much sense as necessary. Maybe it won’t make sense at all and maybe that is the point, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get that across in a sensible manner. Still, maybe time will tell. Maybe time will reveal everything that is being said here as being far more rubbish than I want to believe that it is. Then again, maybe time will reveal the subtle, yet effective genius I employed throughout all of this writing (and elsewhere) and suddenly all will become clear and as profound as it always was meant to be.
Anyway, I’m just rambling now so I think that I should look at truly closing this bit of writing off. Not sure how, or as to which words I’ll use, but I have a feeling that they will come to me sooner or later.
Obviously I hope sooner, but of course later will do fine.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 11:05:53
This is probably the most openly personal thing I’ve written in a while. Probably.
Then again, maybe I’ve said very little when it comes to personal stuff. Who knows?
I think I could’ve worded a number of things better here, but that’s not really saying much.
Written at home.