The rain has settled and as it has settled, I must go outside and do things that involve clearing things up before it rains again. I probably won’t though as I’m tired and all of those things and, quite frankly, today I am going to indulge in being lazy. Would rather the being lazy and the not being lazy and all of that and so on and so forth. Still, got to get something done and I guess that something will be this writing followed by the next bit of writing. Therefore there shall be a bit of writing.

Writing whilst tired is not necessarily fun, though sometimes it is. Sometimes it is fun to fight fatigue and try and push through and all of those things. Maybe it’s not so much when you’re fighting fatigue and trying to get to the end of something in a manner that allows you to do other things sooner rather than later, but at least at the moment I think I can push on through and make sure that I get to the end of this, at least. I think.

I think that perhaps what I really need to do is just relax, but I’ve covered that before and I don’t feel much like covering that again. I’d much rather just look forward and try and describe processes and hope that that description comes forward in a manner that is understandable. Perhaps I have been rambling for far too long and it’s time to start trying to get back to a place of focus so I can express in a manner that is more clear and concise. Too much rambling is not the best and neither is too much procrastination. Maybe I need to be more against the processes that I make use of in order to get things across. Maybe they are too much of a safety net and I need to rely less on that safety net and more on the danger net and in doing that I can then get to the moving forward position that will then allow me to move forward.

Maybe it is not I that needs to move forward, but rather everyone else. Maybe everyone else needs to move forward and I can just stay here and be left behind, but that being left behind must be done in a way that implies some sort of being comfortable with the whole thing and then when that has happened I might actually just go home. I mean, I already am at home, but this is of the metaphorical, or allegorical, or imaginary going home.

Well, both the metaphor and allegory could be imaginative or other, but you get the idea. I  hope.

So then I would do the thing and I’d go home and rest. Once I’ve rested I would then look at other things that I could try to do. Maybe some of them would involve actually doing things instead of just talking about doing things; something of which I happen to do with a great deal of regularity. Perhaps I should stop doing so, but old habits die a long and slow death, or something.

Anyway, I think that really covers the crux of the rambling for today. Of course there is more rambling to come, but I’m not sure as to how much I feel like getting into it as I’m doing this and I’m feeling pretty relaxed. Feeling relaxed is awesome. Perhaps I feel too relaxed, however, and should stop doing this to myself and get back on the proverbial horse and gallop off to wherever it is that I need to gallop off to, for there are people that need saving and I am the only one powerful enough to use my power in a responsible manner which would then lead to saving them. But of course it wouldn’t necessarily be about being powerful, but you also need to be responsible and just, and willing to make sacrifices as well as decisions that may be compromising to your existence and being, and of course I could do all of those things in some sort of of fantasy land where it’s a power fantasy and I get to go across the country roaring at trees and cutting down rocks with my hands.

Plenty of other things to consider in that kind of thing but maybe I wouldn’t need to eat and sleep either. I’d just be going on and there would be no stopping me so therefore I’d be the ruler of the story, but not necessarily the kingdom.

There’d be a lot of journeying but I’d also want to spend a lot of time near water. I’d want to be near water and listening to how it flows and writing poetry about the tragedy of battle and all that and therefore I’d embody the stereotype more and more until the stereotype ended up embodying me and really, that’s what I want out of all of this. Sure, there are things to which I could aspire to, but I don’t want to aspire to those as I’d already be set, or something.

Maybe I’d look at spending a considerable amount of time swimming and in that swimming there would be the understanding of the aquatic nature of the waters that flow from the mountains and reach the oceans that are as vast as they are expansive. Of course that would be the dream, but people would need my help. However, I would have to occasionally ask them to be patient as I ramble on into the sunset and my words would reach out and touch the souls as they stretched across hours like a relentless deluge on an otherwise still, soundless night.

But of course in saying all of that I think I’d just rather stay here and at home and relax for a while. Rather not be in some sort of power fantasy as, to be honest, it doesn’t seem that great.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 11:40:03

Not a good bit of writing. It was a struggle to write and I think it may be due to how tired I am at the moment.

Written at home.