It is cold and it is a long day, but it is about to become a productive one. Not worth writing about as it doesn’t really happen until it happens, but sometimes you start writing with something that is pointless to state because you’ve nothing else coming to you and you need to buy some time until you find that which it is that is going to be what the subject at hand is. Maybe it’ll be a little thread revealing itself among all of these words, but once it does I will pounce. Until then it’s just all pointless things that need to be written because I feel they need to be written rather than their actual needing to be written.
I think that in saying all of that I’ll be able to get something forward and hopefully among all of this pointlessness there is something that could be seen as worthwhile. Hopefully something comes forward that the reader can grab onto and in their grabbing onto something that they find meaning within that allows some sort of connection in what is hopefully a positive and affirmative way, then something has been done and I’ve done something for someone, even if there was no intention there to do that at all.
Sometimes I wonder what the intention of all of this writing is, or if there even is an intention beyond something that is on a personal level. Sometimes I don’t wonder and I keep on going and in doing that I’m weaving a web of crap, but it is my own web of crap and that’s something that… well, a lot of people can take away from me, but that is something that I don’t want to think about right now. What I want to think about is something positive. I want to think positive and see positive change and all of that stuff, but perhaps it also is not the time for that kind of stuff. Perhaps what the time is right now is the time to take it easy and not worry so much, but I don’t know if it is; I just know that I’m here and I’m crapping on about things once more.
There are some places that I’d like to be at this present moment but due to money am unable to go to, but that’s okay. That is alright. It could be worse. I’ve still got a roof over my head and I’m doing something that I want to do, even if it is a bit aimless. I’ll be going to those places sooner rather than later (I hope) and I’ll be at those places and form new experiences, some of which will be built upon old experiences. It can be good to revisit places you’ve been to many a time as you may understand things in a different way and all that other junk. Sometimes it isn’t good to revisit places though and you don’t always get to choose when it is and is not good, but that’s life.
It is cold and my hands are cold but they are warming up and as they warm up I look outside. In a few hours I will be going on a lengthy walk so as to be able to hear an album in full before I start writing about it as sometimes I find it easier to walk and listen to an album if I need to write about it rather than sitting here in front of a screen. Probably due to being able to focus more on the music due to doing less or having less that is instantly familiar around me or something; I don’t know how these things work; they just seem to work that way some of the time.
Some of the time I think that I’m not doing what I should most of the time and so I try to push on forward, but sometimes it is really hard to do so. Sometimes I think too much about being a shitty person and taking too long to learn from hurting people and how that shittiness was in conflict with what I believed, but you try to do better. You try to learn and you try to do what you think is the right thing because it is the right thing you do and you believe in what you believe. Really we shouldn’t be treating people like shit.
We shouldn’t be treating the environment like shit; I feel that that is more pressing and important, but that doesn’t mean we then start ignoring people and leaving them behind. Everyone is important, and education and empathy are really important and even though those are long and sometimes slow and trying processes, I feel that they are the best things to offer to people in order to help them be in a better position to help themselves, the greater communities and the environment overall. We probably live well above our means which probably helps cloud our judgement which helps us ignore things we do that are shitty and so a bit of self-reflection and willingness to be better can go a long way. Many of us could probably live a little less comfortably and still be really comfortable, but that seems to be a hard sell for a lot of people.
Right now I’m feeling a little comfortable, but I feel that has a lot to do with my ability to watch the clouds outside as they float on by. They are small clouds and they are gathered together and they keep on going. They’re moving fast and smoothly and they slowly paint the sky white. I imagine they will soon start painting the sky gray and that’s fine, but right now it’s nice as it’s just peaceful and a bit of peace is sometimes nice. It can help with a few things but that might be a ramble for another day, but I’m not going to worry about that.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 15:36:87
The good thing is that this came easy.
There were some pauses, but overall this was an easy write.
That said, I feel that this is more a series of collected thoughts that have some relation but perhaps not enough. Maybe that’s a good thing; maybe bad, but it exists and I’ve shared it, so yeah.
Written at home.