Alright so I need to knuckle down but I’m just knuckling up and I don’t even know what that means. However, what I do know is that I am here and not there and we’re not going down this path again as this path is a dangerous one and as such it is not one I want to go down.

I need to look more inward and try and peel away the skin and all that other stuff and really get to the bottom of things. I need to find out what lies at the centre of it all and then see if I can go beyond there. See if there’s something far beyond the centre of the centre. It is possible that I will be led to something but I don’t know if I want to be led to something. I think I’d much rather just sit here and not worry about all the internalising and trying to get to a raw, pure version of myself that reveals all and removes all the anxiety as I come to terms with my existence and then truly ascend to a higher plane of existence.

I don’t want to do that as I like being here. I like the banality of life as there are the small moments that we treasure and those moments carry through time, even if they are forgotten. Those things are worth experiencing and so therefore there will be no ascending today.

Tomorrow may be a different story, however. Maybe it will be tomorrow in where I go through this lengthy process and ascend and then I will be wherever I will be and I’ll need to deal with that. Maybe I will spend my time trying to assist others in ascending too, but maybe that would be unfair. Maybe it is best that this is something that people reach on their own.

These are questions that perhaps I don’t need to worry about now. I might have an eternity later and if it turns out that I do, then I can start asking these questions then. I can try and work out what I need to work out at that point and if I can do that, then I know where to go next.

Of course there could be no working out, but rather endless debate that resolves nothing. Then again, maybe the lack of resolution is not the point, but rather the exploration of intent and pathways and meaning, for that can allow for some sort of growth beyond whatever growth I thought I went through, and so therefore that is what I should be considering. Maybe there should be no considering at all and just let everything happen. If the continual rumination happens, then so be it. If a clear answer is divined, then so be it.

Now that I think about it, this is far too much thinking that I want to do and so I’m just gonna keep sitting here. No ascending later.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:27:01

Decent speed. The writing is okay. Could’ve been better in a few places, I think. That said, I think the idea I almost explored is worth exploring.

Written at home.