Starting today has being a rather difficult endeavour and yet I am still trying to push on into the getting started part. Sometimes it is a process when really instead of thinking about how to start I should just start. Should just get it out of the way.

In part I think it is due to wanting to push away and tear everything down and really move forward, but the way to do that is not necessarily through thinking about how to start due to a concern of repeating myself over and over. Really the way to start is to just start.

Maybe the starting should be overthinking and through there I can unravel the whole mystery and finally find the way forward.

Maybe I’m still overthinking.

I don’t think this is some sort of block so much as it is self-sabotage and truly it is the worst way to go about things.

Anyway, I think I need to find some sort of purpose in all of this and then go from there. That will help me get moving on with whatever this is and then move on with whatever comes next.

I need to read something.

I need to distract myself some more so as to put everything int pressure mode, but pressure mode is already here and my saying that means that I am ignoring the current pressure and so therefore I am pressure cooking my face off in the hopes that the greatest great thing of all time comes forward and I’ll never have to worry about being the best of everything ever again.

Now this is all tricky stuff but I think I can manage. I think I can get on top of things and take them to where they need to go and I think that if I can do that I can get on with other things and… well, I think I’m just falling back on old habits here, and old habits have a habit of sticking around far longer than necessary. Therefore I should throw them out and track the trajectory of that thing so that I can write a report and that would be more productive than this.

Maybe I should finish those reviews that are a bit back up at the moment. That would be a good idea. That will have to come after this, however, as this is the single most important thing that I can be doing at this present moment as it prolongs the inevitable.

On a more serious note, it makes sure that I am focused and in being focused I am getting at least one thing done. From one thing comes other things and so I’ll just keep on pushing and keep on growing and keep on trying to get somewhere that is away from old habits.

Maybe I just need to tell them to go away, somehow. Tell them to go away by not relying on them so much.

Then again, they are quite comfortable.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:33:19

Fast, not great. Probably would’ve been better had I slowed down. I can hit five-hundred words at a fast pace pretty comfortably; I don’t need to keep trying to go faster right now.

Written at home.