Right now staying upright remains a challenge, and some days are better and some days are worse. Covid may be “done”, but its grasp lingers. I work to get better and improve, but a lot of it falls on hope and so I need to keep on hoping and resting where I can, and trying to stay healthy where I can and all that stuff.

I’m sitting here and I need to work a job I’m now afraid of working, and I need to keep on going until something better comes along, and I think I can do it, but I’m not entirely sure. I need to push through the doubt and the self-defeat and l keep applying and keep going, and maybe I’ll get there in the end. Maybe I’ll succeed.

I know I won’t if I don’t keep on trying though, and I’d much rather deal with the feeling of hopelessness and the despair and the gradual, yet ongoing chipping away at my self-worth than stay in a job that is legitimately unhealthy for me to stay in due to the work environment.

Be a bit easier to hunt for work if I wasn’t still ill, but I have to keep on pushing through and keep on applying. I’ll get there in the end. I hope.

Trying to stay active is hard too, but it’s working somewhat. I’m definitely not as healthy as I should be at a base, however. The amount of sweat my body is producing in cooler weather at a standard average walk speed is pretty heavy, but I’m getting there. I’m pushing on and I’ll get there eventually. Just need to keep working at it. Just need to keep on pushing on and work through it all one day at a time.

There’s a lot of luck in success, and being determined and continuing to push on helps mitigate that luck, but it doesn’t eliminate that, and I think a lot of people forget that. I think that a lot of people forget that there are plenty of people who remain determined and keep pushing forward, and have all the right skills and do all the right things, and are excellent at what they do, and they don’t get anywhere. To be clear, I’m not claiming I’m anything other than determined here; it’s something to think about, and it’s something I’m going to think about when (if) I eventually get into a better job.

Who didn’t get what I applied for? Were there people better for the job? What’s going to happen to them? I imagine a lot of them will just keep on searching, but it’s something to think about. Not to the extent that it impacts our ability to do whatever it is that we’ve been taken on board to do, but rather just something that we should think about more often as we don’t consider how often we got lucky and got a job over someone who was far more qualified.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:33:91

Not as fast as I’d hoped and I’m not sure if the slower speed was beneficial.
Still, I like the shift this makes somewhere around the midpoint.

Written at home.