Once more I find myself in Duoly Rob. I’m sitting here, thinking about my life choices. I’m thinking about where I’m drifting off to, and I’m thinking about the amount of writing I need to do between now and later in order to get later to now. All I really have to do is wait, but you know.

Time passes, there’s a few more white hairs on my head, and I’m tired and drained, but I feel alright. I feel a bit worn out and I’m trying to work on my posture again, and I’m sitting here full of worries and a sense of neutral expression at the same time. Something and nothing, I guess.

There is pleasant music playing, and the coffee I have next to me shakes with every stroke of the lkeys on this keyboard. There’s some traffic and the world is waking up, but I feel asleep. It’s going to be a long day. It always is, and it never is.

Time slips away like a fish, or an eel, or anything else that we might consider as being slimy. Time slips away and it doesn’t come back, so we need to make the most of it. Sometimes making the most of the time we have is doing very little, however. Sometimes we need to take it easy. Sometimes we need to rest. The body can only go so far for so long on very little, and if we aren’t taking care of ourselves, then we fall apart. We fall apart, and some things cannot be repaired.

Sometimes taking care of ourselves involves just heading out into the sun. To a park, somewhere. Having the space to relax the brain. Relax your mind. That sort of thing.

There are parks I haven’t visited in a while that I want to return to. Places I want to explore again, and I want to see them as I am now. See what they tell me about me, if they do indeed tell me anything at all. I want to go for a long walk, and whilst I want to see if these places tell me something about me, mainly I just want to see them again.

I used to do more walking and more hiking, and I think a good chunk of it is documented in this space. But I used to do more, and I have more room and space to do more but I don’t. And this is on me, really. I don’t move as much as I used to, and I have the ability to. I have the space to. But I don’t. I just hurt myself with this, really. I could do better, and indeed I will keep working to do better. Always do, always try. Right now, I don’t know.

Well mainly because it’s a day of work and I’ve other things to take care of, but you know.

But you need to give yourself space to relax. Relaxing is a good use of time, but everything needs to be in moderation. Too much of anything can be bad, and it depends on how much is too much of course, but you have to be careful. You don’t have to always be aware; you just have to be careful. You have to strike a balance. Keep things going and staying in harmony with each other. That sort of thing.

I’m going to start walking more again. Sure, I’m powering through a lot at the moment, but there’s nothing stopping me from stretching my legs more often than I do. But I’m going to keep going and working toward whatever and whenever, and get back to how I once was. I’ve been living without  enough respect for myself for too long, and I need to start taking better care of myself sooner rather than alter. This sort of fog that I’ve been in is something I feel I may have willingly embraced, though I’m not entirely sure. It’s a difficult thing to think about, and I’m thinking about it. I’m thinking about it and wondering. Thinking big things.

Before all that, however, I might just go to a park. A park I haven’t been to in a long time, and walk around and see what’s about. See who is there, see people enjoying themselves. Give my brain a bit of a rest. That’d be nice. Probably won’t, but I want to believe I will. Makes me feel better about everything and all of that and a bit of the other. Helps me feel better about things, at the least.

There’s such a lovely world out there, and it’s a nice day outside today. And things keep going and life changes, and time passes. And we need to make the most of what we can and where we can and I’m just repeating myself, as though that’s anything out of the ordinary. But things keep going. Things change, people get older and we do our best in a cold world to live a little better. To try and leave things better than they were when we were growing up.

And we try to look after ourselves, too. Try to be healthy. Do what we can where we can, and do our best to not push things too hard and too far. We owe ourselves our health, and we owe ourselves an obligation to maintain it. And… well yeah.

What else is there to say? I’m thinking about the steps that I’ll take between now and the next ten days, and I’m thinking about where I’ll go after all of this. I’ll be able to relax and sleep, and sleep some more. I’ll be able to take it easy, but there still are a lot of steps and that’s good, because I’m always moving to the next step, and then I’m always on the first of the rest. And it keeps going, and we keep working on ourselves, and I’ll walk through some familiar spaces again.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 13:08:89

Decent speed and there’s some stuff in here that I quite like. Could be better overall, but I’m not complaining.