Hitomi Sato: Gate

Posted on April 22, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

I wanted to draw out the sense of pause that this song provides. It plays only in gates, small buildings that connect one area to another. They’re nice to have, but they’re also pretty conspicuous and eventually lead to a sense of area disconnect. I’m pretty certain that the gates are used to allow time for loading, and even though I have issues with them, I also like that Game Freak made considerations for that whilst adding to the world they built.

The gates kind of allow for a brief moment of pause and so I tried to draw on that. Not sure if I did it well enough, but I think I did okay.

Hitomi Satos’ (佐藤仁美) “Gate” (“ゲート”) is from Nintendo DS Pokémon Black・White Super Music Collection, the soundtrack for Pokémon Black and White.

—

Gentle tones float on through a peaceful space. A calm space. A pleasant space. It’s time to relax. Time to take it easy. Even though this is a brief moment, it has the opportunity to linger and let all tension dissipate.

Through spaced notes and flowing sounds, there’s a sense of the future. a sense of looking forward. Also a sense of the present, and safety. Of the small things in life, and the big, emotional ones too. But it comes easy. It doesn’t inundate. It’s just enough.

This moment of rest shall pass, and it does as the sounds fade out and the song ends.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1491: Been a Day

Posted on April 21, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

It has been a day. I’m still standing. I’m still alive. I’ve done some things. But it has been a day. I am tired and worn out, and I am struggling hard. Will get through it, but it’s gonna take time.

So getting closer to the end. Only a week left of employment. Less than two weeks of having a roof over my head. I’m worn out. I don’t want to keep struggling, but I need to keep struggling. I need to persist. But I’m so tired of struggling.

At this stage I don’t know what I can do. I keep hunting for jobs and I keep getting rejections. I need to be earning a certain amount to stay afloat, and it’s not due to lifestyle creep; it’s due to living in an expensive country. It’s just not a good time.

Don’t know what’s going on with my ex. Still feels like she feels something even though she says she doesn’t. Her actions are part of why I’m in this situation, though I don’t blame her. Don’t think that’d be fair, or even right. But it feels like she feels something, but she says she doesn’t. I don’t know what’s going on.

I’m just tired and destroyed in all sorts of ways and I’m trying to continue on, but tomorrow is a work day and so Ill need to show up at work and do my job. I’ll need to be there and get on with tasks and get them all done. And I’ll need to squeeze in applying for jobs around it all.

It’s just not a good time, and I’m writing what I don’t want to be writing. This is all too upsetting and I don’t want to be dragging the mood down, but that’s what I’m doing at the moment. I don’t feel I have much a say in the matter.

So I have to keep on going but soon I have to start getting rid of everything I own, too. This is all too much and I’m so very tired. I just want to be held. I want to be held by my partner, and I want to lie down and wake up and find out that this was all a bad dream. I’m so tired of pushing on and struggling, but stopping doesn’t change anything for the better. But I’ve been struggling for years now.

At the very least I got some stuff done today. I’ve gotten some of the house cleaned up, and that’s something, but it’s not my home for much longer. It’s not much of anything for much longer, and that’s the way it’s going to be. I keep on holding out and trying to enact change and I’m continuously prevented from doing so, but I have to keep on trying. As tough as it is and as upsetting as it is, I have to keep on going, because if I don’t, nothing will improve. It’s just all heavy and really upsetting.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:06:68

I had to think about sharing this due to dour it is, but it’s what came forward and so it’s what I’m sharing.

Written at home.

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Go Ichinose: Lilycove City

Posted on April 20, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

I wanted to draw more on the imagery of where this song is used as it’s quite fitting. An area that has some bustle, but also quite calm. A calm bustle, if you will. Didn’t quite come out that way, and not enough variation, but I think what I wrote works.

Go Ichinose’s (一之瀬剛) “Lilycove City” (“ミナモシティ”) is from GBA Pokémon Ruby & Sapphire Music Super Complete and Nintendo 3DS Pokémon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire Super Music Complete. These soundtracks cover Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald, and Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. The version I wrote about is the ORAS version, and was arranged by Shota Kageyama (景山将太).

I hope you enjoy.

—

Lightly lapping, calm and relaxed sounds move. Some seem to dance, almost looking for a waltz. The move up and down, they fall short and draw long, and they stay peaceful. They carry the idyllic, and the shoreline where they sit is at ease.

The sounds settle down; they rise, but they don’t aim for drama. They dance to and fro, they keep the calm. They fall under a bright day and they carry with them winding down. It’s a moment of gentleness among a series of excitements, through to fading out at the song’s end.

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Two Thousand Words in Twenty Minutes: Why?

Posted on April 20, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this to myself after I decided to not do another one? It was never meant to be a repeated challenge, and the last time I did it I felt that became quite apparent as it’s not something that quite works for me. Now I’m doing it whilst my injuries are flaring up and that makes it even tougher, but I am doing it for some reason.

Maybe I have lost my marbles.

There is a cup of TEA sitting in front of me and I want to drink it, but now, I have to do this first. I’ve decided that this would be a good idea even though I know very well that it is not a good idea. I’m hurting myself for some reason. I’m challenging myself when I want to write a little slower and a little more methodically. For some reason… no. Instead let’s just put myself up against the wall and see what comes forward. Let’s see if I can write this many words within this time constraint. Let’s see. Good idea. Good idea all around. Really patting myself on the back for this one.

Has anyone poured holy water into the ocean?

So that was a thought I had and I decided that it’d be a good idea to note it down because… reasons, I guess. Probably didn’t need to be down, but now it is. Now I’m wondering why I decided. It seems like a good thread to run off but I’m running off my own energy right now. There are no threads that I can follow: everything must be followed linearly and so any digressions must be ignored.

Every now and then I’ll have to pause to see how many words I’ve churned out and see if that is sufficient to match the timer. I know I’ll be fine in the first ten minutes. I know I’ll do alright, but I also know that I’ll slow down later on and so… yeah. The joys of injuries.

I’m too tired. I’m actually not, but I am too tired for this. I’m too old and I’m too worn out. My joints hurt and I struggle to get the words down as it is, and now I’m just going into a free fall. But hey, that’s okay. I’m sure I’ll get the parachute out soon enough and then speed past the target and so in doing so, will get all the words out and then… yeah.

See, I’m already struggling. This is not good. Must choose shorter words. Can do more shorter than I can longer within this time constraint. Longer takes time; shorter does take less time. That’s not a sentence that one would consider well-phrased, but it is what it is and now I just need to keep on going. Need to make sure that I don’t slow down.

Need to get into proper posture and keep on churning away. Need to get everything down in whichever order makes the best sense. Need to get out of the house and get in some good air and enjoy some of the sun. Bit more light in here than there was earlier, but it’s still a dim room, but that’s okay right now. Suits the mood and suits the churning in the best way possible, maybe.

Feeling the pain in my wrist but still gong. Still charging forward. Refusing to stop because I’ve thrown myself into this and it’s still early, but I need to keep going. If I stop now I’ve wasted too many words and if I’ve done that, then I need to waste more. If I stop now, then who will see this glorious disaster?

Why? Why am I doing this to myself? There are so many other things I could be doing. I could be drawing and instead I’ve chosen to put more crap out there. I could drive to the coast and watch the waves. I could process photos. I could even go lie down and read until I fall asleep. I have so many options and yet, I choose the one that is least conducive to getting much of anything done. I’m not good at this being efficient thing, let me tell you.

I have no idea how many words I’ve written at this present moment and I know that having the TEA in front of me, sitting here, is not conducive to actually writing faster as I need to move my arms around it. The mug isn’t big, but it poses an issue and that is something that I need to deal with whilst I’m trying to force myself to write as fast as I possibly can, or rather faster than I usually do because I am a fool.

I am a fool and I keep hurting myself in ways that I know are not good for me and yet I keep on doing this. I keep on hurting myself. Why do I do this?

Well, I guess it’s all for entertainment or something, but this will definitely be the last time I do this. I can already feel the lesson has been learned through remembering and I’m still persisting, but that’s what happens when I don’t think enough about my actions. Dedicated myself to starting; dedicating myself to finishing. There. I must persist.

This is not living my life. This is not applying for jobs. This is many things but it is not what I need to be doing. That’s okay at the present moment, but it’s also not. Maybe I’ll win the lottery and not have to worry about money again. That would be a significant relief.

I can talk about that.

Sometimes I dream about winning a large sum of money. Sometimes it pops into my head and I dream, because I know if I did I could relax and I could cry. I could go traveling for a while and then I could come back and finish my studies. I know I could do all of these things and that would be great. It would be nice to be able to do that. But it won’t happen and I need to keep working hard in order to get anywhere. I need to be responsible and less stressed about everything too, but I still need to work hard. Haven’t been able to not, though I certainly have worked lazy plenty of times in my life. What are you going to do? Pretty sure everyone has lazy days at work. Mine are just there some of the time and sometimes all of the time. All waves and cycles and everything.

But I would like to win the lottery. I’d donate a lot of it as I don’t want anywhere near that large an amount of money, and I don’t trust myself to have that kind of money. I’d get a place to live and get a friend to look after it for a few years, and then I’d go traveling for a while. Go see things and think about life and think about how I am and who I am. You know, the introspection that everyone loves to do. Is it deep? I don’t know. Is it common? Yes. But that’s the way things go sometimes and you just get on with the getting on.

I’d see places I would never think to see, and maybe I’d document it all. I don’t know. I do know that I’d like to see many places, and spend a long time seeing them. I want to go live on Itsukushima for a while. Around a year, and I’d spend that year creating. I’d spend it doing things and creating and experiencing the island, seeing all that it has to offer. I’d get on with my life and then I’d come back and maybe I’d have changed in ways I could not perceive. That would be interesting. Or maybe it wouldn’t. I don’t know, but I do know it’d be a productive year because I wouldn’t have time to squander.

Then again, I certainly would spend time sitting on a bench, watching the day change. I’d look out and see what is in the world and maybe there’d be some laughter and joy. Maybe there wouldn’t. I don’t know, but it’d be nice to sit there with a sketchbook and draw the motion and movement of everything around me, and maybe change how I draw it based on the time of day. See if I could incorporate the colours through just one pencil. Don’t know. Certainly would like to try.

I’ve been drawing for years, but it has always been an occasionally-type thing. Wish it was far more often, but I don’t allow myself enough time to do so. Maybe I will now. I have more time now, so there’s no harm in trying. I’d like to sketch the world, and I’d like to sketch nothing. I’d like to see if I can create something that I know I can get behind that isn’t writing or music. I can with photography, of course, but there are other things that I want to try and create. There are other things that I want to experience and I don’t want to be denied those experiences any more.

I’m tired of the struggle and I’m tired of spinning wheels, but that’s what I’m good at doing. How do you force success? Can you? I don’t know. Maybe it is possible. I guess you can if you’re born into good fortune, but I wasn’t and that’s the lot that I have to deal with. That doesn’t mean I can’t be successful now. It just means that I’ve started lower on the mountain compared to other people, and they’re putting up fences so I need to try and take alternate paths and not close them off behind me, because that’s an incredibly shit thing to do to other people. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I want to draw the sky and clouds, and I have a lot of things on my list that I want to do in MS Paint. Should get to that this year. Hopefully, if I don’t end up homeless, I will be able to, and then I wll go from there. Success is never guaranteed, but trying and learning can be. Or rather, learning is, but you never know what you’re going to learn from something.

So I’m near the end of this. I have less than three minutes left and I’m still going. My wrist isn’t hurting as much anymore. I consider that A good thing, but is it? I don’t know. I do know that I need to keep on charging because I’m slowing down and that’s what I don’t want to do. So long as I keep the pace up, I should be okay.

Why did I decide to do this? It has not been a good idea, but in a sense it has. This has been good exercise, at the very least. I consider that a good thing, but I can feel that I’m slipping quite a lot and so I just need to hope that I get to the end. I don’t want to fail this. I’ve failed plenty of other things in my life. Just let me eke out this tiny victory this time around and let me have this, life. Let me have the one time I try in this particular moment to be a victory. Let it rake in the millions and show people that I am indeed worth throwing money behind, somehow.

Last minute just about and still going. Not giving up at the present moment. Nearly there. I can do this. It was a bad idea but I’m nearly there and I know I can get to the end, and if I do, I can rest for a few minutes before I go into the next thing. We’ll see what happens next.

19:27:92

I had to fix up a few words after finishing, and especially so toward the end as my injured wrist was giving up and, subsequently so was the hand attached to it.

So near the end I remembered why I decided to do this. I’m trying to produce a certain amount of words every day until the end to see what comes forward. This wasn’t a good way to go about it. However, I think that the part about enjoying drawing is nice. It was nice that it came through all of this.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 217: A Long Ramble on a Sunday

Posted on April 20, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

It’s yet to be midday and I feel as though I’m on a roll, though I haven’t done much. I’m writing tedium and boredom and that really isn’t much at this point. Still, there are plenty of things to cover along the way and, if I can get all my writing done before midday, then I can get a lot of other things done this afternoon.

It’s still quiet outside and there’s a gentle breeze flowing through my window. I’m listening to gentle music and I’m sitting here, doing things. I’m living inside a room without enough light, but right now it feels fine. Right now it feels appropriate. That’s nice. I can live with this.

Some days are easier than others. Some days are hard. Some are unbearable. Not my first time being dumped. Don’t know if it’ll be my last. I do know that I’ll get through this. I’ll get through something and, at the end of it all, I’ll be okay. Maybe. I know I’ll be okay in some aspect. Hopefully it’s regarding employment and having a roof over my head mainly, but we’ll see. If I can get something out of all of this, so long as it’s something I can work with I’ll be okay. Or rather, I’ll have one less thing to worry about.

Too many things to worry about at the moment, and not enough time spent enjoying things. Too much difficulty, still needing to push on through it all. What’s new. And so on and so forth and that’s how it all goes, really. I’m trying to not think about how this is a rather unpleasant trifecta, but of course I’m  going to think about it. I keep going back to everything that’s happened over the last six-ish weeks, because very little before then has relevancy, beyond leading up and contributing to getting dumped. Fun times.

But I don’t want to keep going back to all of that. I could be heading off into The Blue Mountains, driving around and trying to find things I haven’t seen before. I could be trying to find new experiences and I could still be writing. I mean, I am writing right now, but I could be working on articles to publish. I could be finishing music off. I could be sitting on my verandah, reading a book and drinking some tea and just relaxing a bit more, even if I was still concerned about upcoming work. It’s a tough time. Obviously I’m talking about things that are luxuries in a sense, but I can’t spend much time doing them because my mind wanders back and the mood is cut away and replaced with a cloud forcibly attaching itself.

But, I’m still alive. I have to remind myself that I still have some time. It’s heavily limited, but I have it. I can do something about where I am at the present moment. I can turn things around, but I need other people to agree that I’m worth the time.

Job interviews is where I really need it to happen. That’s where things are toughest. I can sit one and I can do my best in one. I can be relaxed in one. Getting others to decide I’m the ideal candidate, however, is where they’re tough. Not having it happen makes things more difficult because it’s another notch in a list of issues that are exacerbating the main ones. Still, one has to keep on trying and keep on working on things in order to get to where they want to be, and one has to hope that others along the way agree with said trying.

So… what now? What else can I say? It’s still a nice day outside and I’ll probably get some mowing done this afternoon. My life is a mix of the mundane and the terrifying at the moment, though the mundane can be terrifying. Not in this instance. It feels like I’m expected to deal with my issues as effectively as possible whilst also functioning as an adult not going through what I’m going through. There are worse things to be dealing with, but this is rough and, as is standard, I need a break from everything. I need time to compress and unwind, and once more that’s not what I’ll be getting. But I’ll survive. I’ll persevere. Maybe.

I mean, I will survive and persevere, but maybe I’ll be successful at the end of it all. That I don’t know. I have my doubts, but one tries. One keeps on trying, mainly because I’ve got little choice in the matter.

But today is nice. Today is pleasant, and it’s a day where I need to get stuff done and will get stuff done. I am getting things done and I’m taking it easy and I’m circling around and I’m not feeling the most stressed at the moment. Maybe it’s due to some sort of magical power that I’ve managed to bring forth. I don’t know. Waves and all that, as they say. But I’ll keep going for now and I’ll keep trying to get done what I can get done. I’ll get it all done by the end of it all, but then there will be more things and that’s the way it all goes.

I’ve said it a few times, but I don’t want to be talking about these things. I don’t want to be talking about how I feel right now as it’s obvious and I’ve said it enough. But it keeps coming forward and that’s what forces itself out of me. What do I do? What can I say? But I can work with it. I can work toward better understanding, and I can work toward getting closer to turning it into something beneficial in some way. I don’t know how at the present moment, but I know it can happen and I know that I can make it happen, so maybe from here, it will happen.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 14:31:59

Could be longer.

Written at home.

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Sunrise Windows

Posted on April 20, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Recently I saw this building reflecting sunrise’s light and so I took a quick photo with my phone. The building looked illusory; it was a really lucky shot. A few days later I tried to capture the same thing with my camera (the photo below) and it didn’t work out the same way. Still, I like the richness of colour in this one. It’s not the best photo, but it’s pleasant to me.

Do wish the windows were cleaner, but what can you do?

This is my submission into the three hundred-and-forty-fifth Lens-Artists Photo Challenge. The theme for this one is “My Go-To Places“.

As my interest in photography has waned quite significantly and is likely on the way out, I’m not sure I have a go-to place anymore. Realistically it’d probably be The Blue Mountains or in a gig venue, where the space remains static but what fills it can be variable. However, I’m still carrying the camera with me wherever I go for the time being, and so as I spend a lot of time going to and from work, my route is my go-to at the moment. I get to go past this view most mornings and so it’s part of that route.

The host of the Lens-Artists challenges cycles weekly between the following people:

Tina

Patti

Ann-Christine aka Leya

John Steiner

Sofia Alves

Anne Sandler

Egídio

Ritva

This one is curated by John. The next one is curated by Sofia.

I recommend joining the community and participating in the challenges. They’re pretty straightforward, allow room for interpretation, and provide a good way to think about photography in general. If not, however, then at the very least you should check out what others submit to the challenges.

I hope you enjoy.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1490: Only a few Minutes

Posted on April 20, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Only a few minutes until six in the morning and it’s still dark outside. My window faces the west, however,  so it is to be expected that it’d still be dark from here. But there is a hint of light coming through. There’s something cutting into the dark and the world is waking up, and all of those other things.

This is the kind of time that’s good to go for a walk. Go explore the area whilst few others are awake and walking around. See what everything looks like under these particular conditions. That sort of thing. It’s nice as it’s usually quieter, and I’ve spent a lot of time dealing with noise.

I doubt it’s much more than anyone else, but I’ve spent so much time in my life not getting quiet, and I’m over it. I’m over the kind of disrespect people have for others. It’s pretty upsetting, and I just want to get away from so much of it because it doesn’t stop. I get some gaps. I get some brief rests, but then it’s back to noise and I just want silence.

It’s getting lighter outside, and it seems to happen so gradually that it’s instant. I don’t know if that is something worth considering. You know, perception of time and all that. Or rather, perception of change. We notice the change but we don’t notice it changing. It’s some for for thought, at the very least.

I’m sitting here, writing and wondering about whether I should open my windows. Let some cold air in whilst it still is a little cold outside. It’s going to be a warm day today, but right now it isn’t. Perhaps I should embrace that.

So it still is quiet outside and that’s nice, but the birds are waking up. Still, you get birdsong in many places and that’s something I know I can keep in my life. It’s always a pleasant thing to have.

More and more of the space outside seems to be waking up, and I feel fortunate to be able to witness it. I feel fortunate in being able to hear some of these sounds, but right now it’s before people start blasting music. It’s a pleasing calm that I get to bear witness to, and I’m thankful for that, because there aren’t enough moments like this that I do. Usually at this hour I’m getting ready to head off to work. Right now I’m tired and a little grouchy, but being able to have this outside my window is nice. I’m enjoying my coffee; I’m sitting here and getting a start on things, and I’m seeing a world outside that is still and waking up.

But I do like the quiet, and I wish I could have more of it. I can’t – at least, not right now – and one day I’ll find a space where I can. Where the sound of roads doesn’t lurk at the edges, and where I can hear more birdsong.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:33:87

So I just got up to switch off my light, thinking there’d be enough light outside to filter into here and I was wrong. Feels like this space matches what I wrote more now, however.

I wrote this without music playing. Not the first time I’ve done so and probably won’t be the last. It was a struggle. I stuck to it as it’s good practise and, as much as I love music, I should probably get to a point where my ability to do some things is decoupled from a reliance on it playing.

Written at home.

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Bulbasaur

Posted on April 19, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Been meaning to do draw in MS Paint again for a while, which isn’t unusual. After doing the last one, something in me broke and I decided I’d do every pokémon, ordered by pokédex number.

This bulbasaur is heavily based off of one of its Gen I artworks. I need to spend more time drawing as my line work needs a lot of improvement, so doing every pokémon will offer some good practise at the very least.

This was started on Monday and finished today.

I hope you enjoy.

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A Poem About Ceilings and the Sky

Posted on April 19, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Not quite sure what this is about, other than on the surface. I wanted to write about the passage of time and that kind of came through, but also not. Anyway, this could be much better if I worked on it, but I won’t.

I hope you enjoy.

—

The days draw into weeks, into months, into years
Minutes absorbed staring into ceilings
Ceilings unchanging, always there, hiding the sky
No view of it for long stretches of time

The view beyond is easy to see, but difficult to know
The mind fills in the spaces between snapshots
Ceilings remain unchanging, obscuring a changing sky
Still as the earth, and moving all of the time

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One Thousand Word Challenge 216: Lean into Relaxation

Posted on April 19, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

It’s the afternoon and I’m trying to relax. It’s a sunny day outside, and it’s a little loud but it’s a little quiet. Trying to relax, but cannot, but that’s the way it do be. Should be doing more stuff than I am, but am tired. Need sleep. Might nap for the first time in years. Don’t know.

Sitting here, sitting here, doing much, doing nothing, trying to work out the way ahead. Trying to work out if there is a certainty to getting out of my situation. But also, just listening to music, trying to take it easy. Trying to get through things, but at an easy rate. And Why do I need to put any pressure on myself, anyway?

Why am I trying to pressure myself into writing? What am I doing here? This isn’t the way to go about things. The words must come naturally and I’m trying to push hard, and it ain’t working and so I’m stumbling. I gotta let go. I gotta relax. I gotta take it easy, or something. Or not.

But it is a nice day, and I can take it easy. I can lean into relaxation and I can unwind a little. I don’t have to charge into everything, and that’s fine. I don’t need to be anywhere at the present moment. I do need to keep on applying for jobs, but that’s not the hardest thing in the world… thankfully. Sometimes it is, however.

I’ve a few plans for the following days and there will be a lot of writing, but I need to let it happen. I need to set myself a schedule so it does happen, but I need to let the words come to me and I need to let them flow. Some of my best writing has not come from me trying to force myself, but rather just sitting down and just getting into it and letting it all come forward.

I guess I am trying to resist writing about getting dumped because I don’t see much point in writing about that when I want to be expressing many different things at the moment. I don’t want to keep going on about it… at least, not now. There are other things I want to cover, and I probably will touch on it again here and there, but for now it’s just writing about whatever and trying to let the words come naturally.

It’s about knowing where the weaknesses in my writing are, and trying to improve on those whilst also improving on my strengths. It’s also about a lot of other things, but that’s a good one to mention because it implies I’ll improve.

So I don’t need to force my writing and I don’t need to force words, and I need to try and rest and take it a bit easier. Easier said than done, of course. But I am resting, but I don’t feel like resting and all those things seem to spin into each other and congeal to form more stress even though there’s little reason to be stressed at the present moment. Little reason to do much of anything other than take it easy and keep on working on things so I get them all done in a particular order, which is to be determined by my constantly adjusting the priority of everything all the time, thus creating some sort of arbitrary and senseless stress and pressure to get more done with less time and… I don’t know where I’m going with this.

The day is still nice and that’s nice to know, because a nice day is a nice day, and I’m starting to unwind a little. I’m starting to let go. Or maybe, I’m starting to not grip so tightly, not push myself so hard and all that stuff. It’s cold in here, though I’m trying to get some warmth, but it’s still nice. The light falls on the area outside in an interesting way, and things are really bright, and some not so much. It all feels lazy, relaxed. Peaceful. Not a care in the world.

The scent of smoke coming in here is a bit concerning, but it’s probably a barbecue somewhere nearby. It doesn’t matter right now. What matters is just relaxing, unwinding and letting the words flow. Letting it all come together and then going on from there. That’s what matters right now. Well, that and everything else.

You know, I’m not sure where this is all going, because the struggle is kicking back in. I need more sleep. Last night it was low sleep, so tonight should be fuller to counterbalance. To counteract. To all of those things and those other things that lead to the things in things and so on and so forth.

So I’m trying to let the words flow, but my lack of sleep is kicking in and maybe it’s just not a day meant for writing. Maybe I should’ve held off and knuckled down and gotten other things out of the way. There’s always tomorrow, and maybe it’ll be a better, more productive day. Maybe today should’ve been another nothing day, because I’ve spent a lot of it doing nothing whilst trying to force words into particular orders, but I’m getting there. I’m still going to do some things.

Maybe I’ll scrap this once I’m done. I don’t know. I feel what I’ve written has been too scattered and too flat. But I feel flat and so if it feels that way to me, them it’s an accurate representation. I need to keep that in mind if I do indeed get rid of the whole thing. It sits in an honest space, but it’s not good writing. Could be far worse, of course. It’s not all bad. But we’ll see.

I think that, at the very least, I’m glad I’m writing this. I’m glad I’m getting this out, even if it’s not good. There’s still plenty of ground to cover.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 13:13:63

Not my finest thousand words. But I’m okay with it right now.

Written at home.

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