Nitsua: Stargazing

One listen.

Got through this one easily enough. A lot more came forward than I was expecting, and I think that that’s a good thing here. Easy song to write about, so the words should come easy too… unless they don’t. But they did here, and I think I captured the song quite well.

Nitsua’s “Stargazing” is from soul of the sky.

I hope you enjoy.

Gentle keys sitting and resting, perhaps. Seemingly finding a calm wonder, and something existential among themselves. A little bit of sadness here and there, but also a lot of warmth. They form a bed upon which more keys roll down onto, and soft silky sound starts forming a soft cushion underneath and among.

Percussion pulses and all seems to slow down in this moment. All seems to be at peace and all seems gentle. It gets calmer, more pleasant, more relaxed, A little more sad, and existential, and more beat comes in, but it doesn’t become egregious.

But there is that comfort, and there is that wonder at what is out there, what lies beyond and far away, and it’s all within slides of sentimentality, almost.

Sentimentality and wondering about what is, and seeing what is out there, both alone and together in various stages, slowly going nowhere and ever moving forward, and holding in a moment and experiencing it all, and choosing to embrace the wonder and letting that be what guides, and sitting and appreciating in low laps of sounds. Appreciating, and watching it all disappear and fade away at the song’s end.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1500: Relaxed and Sad

This morning I walked almost eight kilometres to save a bit of money on parking. Well, also to avoid dealing with city traffic, but you know. Since then, it’s been a bit of a dead day. Going to try and do a few hours of packing soon, get some things sorted and cleaned up, and then get back to relaxing.

I’m listening to some easy music and tomorrow feels like it’ll be okay. I’m feeling pretty relaxed, actually, but I am still sad. Although I’d be happy to not see my ex again, I do also miss her. I look forward to that passing when it does. But right now there is a little bit of that sadness.

Things change over time, and you can’t expect everyone to remain in your life, and sometimes those changes hurt a lot. It’s probably due to now being able to relax a little that the hurt is coming through a bit more, looking as to which parts it can fill out, those sort of things. But it will pass.

I can take it easy for the moment, at least. I can deal with this, and get on with my days, and then go from there. That’s something to look forward to, I guess. Would rather let the hurt happen anyway. No point in trying to suppress it. That’s always a bad idea. Unhealthy way to deal with things.

I’m thinking about what’s happened over the past eight years, and I know that some of it has been missed opportunity, I think that perhaps I should have pushed harder in some places and definitely less so in others. I wonder if I’d feel I’ve wasted time in places had I done so. I’m being pretty vague here, mainly because I don’t want to touch much on the specifics, but I do wonder.

So now I sit here and it’s moving to evening, and I’m wondering about what will happen from here. I’m wondering as to where life will go. Tomorrow is a new day, and so is the day after. I need to clean myself up a bit. Not sure if I will, but I do need to. But that’s a problem for later. For now, I can just enjoy the afternoon before I get into the swing of doing things.

It’s nice to be able to relax right now, at least, because I know that tomorrow will be better than many of my recent days.

It has been a difficult few months and the clouds are yet to fully clear, but things are becoming clearer. This is good. This is some relief. I don’t need all the answers to everything now at this particular instant, and I don’t need all success at the same time either. I just need to keep my head down, stick to my plan, keep on going forward. It’ll take time as it always does, but I will get there. I’ll be okay at the end of this all.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:12:80

This feels tempered in a way that I appreciate. It doesn’t feel as framed by pain as a lot of recent writing.

Written at home.

 

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Homebush Road

For a period in 2011 and early 2012, I lived on Homebush Road, near Liverpool Road. It wasn’t a great place to live by any stretch of the imagination, and it was a stressful time, too. Living with people I didn’t quite want to, but felt I had no choice in the matter. I’d only been living out of home for around two years when we moved, and I’d only lived in one place. I didn’t have the experience, and didn’t feel I could afford a place on my own.

The place that we moved from, the lease was terminated due to the actions of my housemates. That wasn’t the best place either, but it was an awesome place to live. Ideal location, decent size. Should’ve taken better care of it though. Anyway.

So I’ve been driving along Homebush Road a fair bit recently, and I was thinking about hot it’s a bit of a boring road to drive along, but that’s okay. It’s another urban road; it doesn’t need to be appealing. But I’ve been driving along it and I’ve been thinking about how it’s changed, or rather how the place I lived in has changed. I’d been along it a number of years ago and seen the changes then, but now that I’m passing it more often, I’m thinking about it more.

It’s changed in that it no longer exists.

What was one a cheap house is now a set of apartments, far too conspicuous for the area they’re in, though hopefully better designed than the house that once was. But it does feel cold and extreme even though it isn’t, and that’s part of gentrification, really.

But I lived in this house and it was and intense one, in part due to issues with the real estate. It’s one that loved to threaten litigation against people who would leave bad Google reviews, which was almost everyone who reviewed them and it got to the point where they removed their listing on Google Reviews. They also threatened to sue another website for people reviewing them leaving bad reviews, which the website then commented on on their listing for the real estate. Early on this real estate sent us a rather exceptional bill which also contained threats, though that was overturned. Plenty of other issues too, including a rather suspect subdivision of the house.

It was also intense due to the personalities in the house, and just how full-on a lot of things were. This was a place that was crawling with cockroaches when we moved in, so we bombed the house and then taped up as many gaps as we could. The roaches stayed well away from everything after that, unless you were eating take out, in which you’d start see them coming out of the walls. This was a place where housemates would be randomly antagonistic toward others until they were shown their being wrong or they calmed down and moved on, leaving someone or everyone else with the wreckage. It was a house with some great parties and some great problems.

Public transport was good around the area, but it was also not. Missing the bus could mean waiting a while which could then mean being late to anywhere, and there were times where I was. Realistically I should’ve been in the habit of arriving early at the time, and I kind of was but kind of wasn’t. It’s one that took a while to develop. But I remember times when I would run across to the other side of Homebush Road and then put on my shoes as I didn’t want to miss the bus. Poor planning on my part.

There were many times when I’d walk to the home from Strathfield station, and it was somewhere between thirty and forty minutes of walking. I’d walk along Homebush Road, up and down its hills, and it was generally pleasant. Arcade Fire’s The Suburbs came out in 2010 and I never cared much for them, but I remember being at Ewe’s place when he was living in McMahon’s Point and he’d put on “Modern Man” which I both liked and didn’t, and I ended up getting the album. In 2011, walking along that road, some of it was more appealing. I think hearing “Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)” somewhere may have helped. I’ve listened to the album here and there since but it hasn’t grabbed me in the same way, and with what came forward about Arcade Fire’s frontman a few years ago, they’re not a band I’m too enthused about returning to.

But it was an album that matched that walk really well.

I remember doing some shopping with my ex (the one whose dumping of me in 2014 led to my writing here more) and we had our bikes, and had to cycle back home in the rain with all of this food. She was staying the night and the rain was thick and dangerous, and visibility was minimal, and we made it back in one piece, thankfully, but it was scary. I remember cycling around the are stoned for around twenty minutes on a sunny day, and that was a great feeling and one I never want to repeat It was far too dangerous.

There was one party where we were all getting stoned and my friend Frank and his partner were there. So was my ex. We were ordering food from a nearby restaurant. My housemates and I would get takeout form them regularly, and get it delivered. They’d always end up taking a while because they’d be confused about the address. They were around forty, fifty metres away from us, and on the other side of Liverpool Road. We were too lazy to go in and collect it most of the time.

But anyway, Frank always took time to order food. He’d go over a menu and weigh up his options far more thoroughly than most people. That, combined with weed meant he was extra slow that evening. It was to the point where some people had forgotten that there was a food order being placed.

Frank got stuck particularly on their offering of crab omelette. He started getting deep into what it was. Far too deep, and he was going on about it for a while. When it got to the point where he said something along the lines of “Do they stuff the crab with omelette? Is the omelette in the crab?”, I told him that it was just a crab omelette, that it was an omelette with crab in it. I then got up and went to my bedroom because I couldn’t handle it anymore. He, his partner and my ex came in soon after to make sure I was okay, and I was but I just could not deal with his exploring the idea of a crab omelette anymore.

Near us and also on Liverpool Road was a liquor store, and I’m not sure if it’s there still. I remember seeing it once again years ago, but in going past it these days it hasn’t stuck out to me. It was a pretty regular one, but they had this alcohol (I think it was a liqueur) called Pamp. One of my housemates and I had eyed it off a few times and then we eventually took the dive. We couldn’t find information on it, or not much. We did find a business in another country that seemed to be the one that made it at one point, but by the stage we got the bottle it appeared to have stopped. The bottle itself was dusty, and there were concerns about how it’d be.

From what I remember, the label had half of a citrus fruit on the front, but I’m not completely certain. I also remember it being fine to drink, and tasting nice enough.

I remember my ex getting alcohol poisoning at that party, and heading to Concord Hospital with her and sleeping by her bed. She came out fine, but not feeling well. She threw up on the carpet before the ambulance came, and due to how the place had been treated before my housemates and I moved in, it was actually difficult to tell where the stain was.

My housemates were only there for around seven, eight months. We spent time trying to get the real estate to fix a light fixture that was leaking water, as well as get them to try and pay the power bill (the way the property was subdivided meant they were obligated to cover it). They sent us a notice to vacate. I ended up taking them to tribunal to get the money back, which I was eventually successful in getting done.

It was a pressurised time, living in that house. Had I known better and been more willing to break free from those housemates, I probably would’ve been in a better headspace earlier on. I ended up moving with them again, which was not a good idea and led to more issues, though that ended up leading to my living next to Ewe and Anna in 2013, and that was good. But a lot of damage was done before then.

I remember walking along Homebush Road and feeling all sorts of things. A lot of turmoil, but there were a lot of good walks, too. A lot of walks under pleasant skies, and a lot of boring times. It was a heavy time, but it was a light time too, and the walk was boring and enjoyable, and those days are now past me. Homebush Road is just another road, but back then it held meaning. Still does, really.

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Silhouette Against Clouds

Another shot of the earlier-shared photo of the tree and the sky, but this one capturing a little more colour of the sunset. Upon looking on it a bit more, this is a little more intense than I originally thought, but it carries a peace, perhaps. There’s a starkness to it, but it doesn’t feel severe, if that makes sense.

This is my submission into the three hundred-and-forty-eighth Lens-Artists Photo Challenge. The theme for this one is “Serene“.

The host of the Lens-Artists challenges cycles weekly between the following people:

Tina

Patti

Ann-Christine aka Leya

John Steiner

Sofia Alves

Anne Sandler

Egídio

Ritva

This one is curated by Egídio. The next one is curated by Tina.

I recommend joining the community and participating in the challenges. They’re pretty straightforward, allow room for interpretation, and provide a good way to think about photography in general. If not, however, then at the very least you should check out what others submit to the challenges.

I hope you enjoy.

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Under a Cumulus Sky

Just a peaceful shot taken in my backyard recently.

This is my submission into Leanne Cole‘s “Monochrome Madness” for this week. The next one is hosted by Brian of Bushboys World and he has chosen “Streetlights – by day and at night” as his theme.

This photo was taken in spring, though it doesn’t feel much like a spring photo.

This challenge is open to all, and I recommend joining in. If want to, check out more information about it here, and include the tag “monochrome-madness” when you share your photo. If you’d prefer not to join in, then at the least check out Leanne’s photography, and what other people submit.

I hope you enjoy.

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Soft Structure

The focus being on the bollards was a total accident. When I took this photo, I thought it was on the structure (here’s a sharper photo). I was wrong.

This is my submission into the three hundred-and-forty-seventh Lens-Artists Photo Challenge. The theme for this one is “Break the Rules!“.

Very much a happy accident, this one and I feel it fits the challenge well enough.

The host of the Lens-Artists challenges cycles weekly between the following people:

Tina

Patti

Ann-Christine aka Leya

John Steiner

Sofia Alves

Anne Sandler

Egídio

Ritva

This one is curated by Ritva. The next one is curated by Egídio.

I recommend joining the community and participating in the challenges. They’re pretty straightforward, allow room for interpretation, and provide a good way to think about photography in general. If not, however, then at the very least you should check out what others submit to the challenges.

I hope you enjoy.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1499: Not a Pleasant Week

The week that was was not a pleasant week. Good things coming, which is great. Bit of misery too. It’s cold today and I’m cold and I’m not feeling great, but I’m alive and that’s a good start. That’s a good way to be. But I’m also cold and unhappy.

So what? Who cares? There’s still stuff to do at the moment, after all. Things need to keep on moving and grooving and all of that, and they are. I’m getting things done where I can, but the week has just left me drained and down, I guess. Good news doesn’t mean good times, which is to be expected, but I still need to keep getting things done and all that. I don’t have much time to be lazy. I don’t have much time to do nothing, but nothing is on the cards and by golly, I am doing it to the best of my ability at the moment.

So I’m sitting here, waiting for food to arrive. It feels a bit pointless, but I am waiting. I am waiting for it to get here so I can shove it in my gullet, and then I’ll get on with the day. But before then I’m doing nothing. I’m taking it easy, and I’ve done so for too much of this week. I have been active to be fair; shoving things into a storage unit does take time and energy, but there’s still so much to go and perhaps not enough time to get it all done in, and maybe I should be more active. Maybe I should be more on my feet and moving right now. But I need rest and I’m unhappy and feeling pretty down at the moment, because I’m saying farewell to a home again. Not a house; a home.

I’ll probably touch on that when I do move out, but right now it is upsetting. I got dumped and that is hard. I have to still navigate that, and from it all I’m forced to move again, and I just want to sit still. I wouldn’t have stayed in this place forever, but I certainly would have liked to not be in a position where I’m leaving it due to being forced to. But that’s the way it goes, sometimes.

At the very least I know there’s a good day ahead of me, and a lot of catching up to do, and I’ll do some of it and then the rest of it later. But it will get done, as will the moving of everything into storage, and I’ll get on. I’ll survive, and this will pass, and maybe the day will end alright. Unhappy now doesn’t mean unhappy later.

At the very least things need to happen today. Not much, but a lot, and it’s going to be a day of peace and rage, and quiet pain and all of those other things. But it’ll probably end alright, and that’s something to look forward to.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:20:35

Could’ve been better; could’ve been worse.

Written at home.

 

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Early Morning Ad

Here’s an ad for Young Henrys that I saw a number of weeks ago and decided to take a photo of for some reason.

I hope you enjoy.

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Wet Clifftop

Was a long day, so here’s a photo of a clifftop that is wet.

Bit of a dreary photo, now that I think about it.

I hope you  enjoy.

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Nitsua: Sunset

One listen.

I’m really tired from moving stuff, and I’ve been meaning to do this for most of the day. Just forced myself and it’s a bit of a mess, but a lot came forward, which I’m happy about.

Nitsua’s “Sunset” is from dayscape.

I hope you enjoy.

Warm waves. Soft, nostalgic, bringing everything to an end. The steady beat comes in, kicks hard and soft at the same time, and this seems set to relax.

Perhaps sentimentality carries upon the tune, but I’m not sure. It’s certainly of a specific type and form, and it doesn’t care to offer anything different. It also carries nice and easy, and it’s steady in its delivery. It feels purposefully designed in perhaps the best way, and without lingering it lingers on each of its moments.

When the beat pulls away there’s a bit of a transformation, but it’s what carries on naturally from what was before. The sounds keep drawing out in their muffled way, and this seems like a dramatic moment, but it’s so low and unwilling to become dramatic, and that’s nice.

This moment doesn’t last long and the tune returns to where it was before. The sounds continue their little drift and flicker; they waft and soon keys come in and provide a little more definition. They play gentle; they seem to sway and move about the space, looking to have some joy whilst building on the relaxation. They look and smile upon a scene they bear witness too, alone and among many others, and the romance starts coming through. The romance dances and sways and swings, and it takes it easy. It takes it easy to travel through the air, still almost, all the way to the song’s end.

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