I can’t remember if this rock dove was about to fly, or if it had just landed.
I hope you enjoy.
I still need to write about a thing that happened a few weekends ago that I’ve mentioned; actually, I don’t, but I want to, and I should get onto it, and maybe I will a bit later today. I still need to also do a lot of word editing, and that takes time and all those things, and it all swirls on down into a drain upon which the other things find themselves in disarray, and it all scatters and slowly the narrative is lost to time… except in memory.
Sometimes I want to go back to writing all the silly and ridiculous and absurd stuff, and maybe that has been lost to time too. I don’t know, but sometimes I want to go back there, or rather, I want to go back there a lot but it doesn’t happen. Perhaps the years have taken away my ability to write absolute crap. Who knows.
But you can’t get back what once was; if you do, it is then now. It might not be “new”, but the flow of experience and change makes it something somewhat different, even if it is “exactly the same”, and that’s because perspective changes and all that stuff. You get the idea.
I don’t know what I’m going on about, but I do know that I need to be more productive, or rather, I need to actually get back to being productive. I’m not doing it enough, and personally I feel it’s a bit of a shame. Maybe in being productive I can get back to what once was and then make it become is, and from there the journey forward will continue as though it was nothing more than just a gap.
All that being said, sometimes you do have to leave things in the past. People change and grow… or you’d rather hope that people do, or at the very least learn how to stay a way whilst still maturing and becoming a better person, or something… You get the idea. Essentially, perhaps there are things that have left me and perhaps they are better left in the past because bringing them back is not a good idea unless it happens organically.
I can’t force silliness and I can’t force absurdity. I can work with it, but if it doesn’t feel good and right, perhaps it’s not worth working with unless I can find a way to make that sense of not feeling good and right feel good and right.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m just giving up because I’ve had some good fortune in my life, and that is a concern. Still, I try to push on and I try to improve and I keep on going, and hopefully things do switch around, but I also hope that I keep growing and changing, and if that means having to leave some things behind, then so be it. Sometimes that’s the best way forward, and sometimes you have no choice but to accept it.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:51:42
Personally I’m finding this bit of writing appreciably introspective.
It’s not great and I feel it’s a little too repetitive, but it’s touching on something that feels natural.
Written at work.
Obviously there are more shadows here, but the focus is on the two and you get the idea.
I took this as I thought, at this particular location at this point in time, me and my friend’s shadows looked interesting, what with how they stretched out and all that stuff.
This is my submission into Leanne Cole‘s Monochrome Madness for this week.
Participating is pretty straightforward and something I recommend. If you do, then include the tag “monochrome-madness” in your post. If not participating, then at the least check out Leanne’s photography as well as what other people submit.
I hope you enjoy.
Bit of a rough image.
I get why this happens; I get why it’s seen as necessary, but that doesn’t make seeing stuff like this any more pleasant.
I hope you enjoy.
Right now I have two choices and I’m exercising one of them. Will see what happens. Or won’t. So long as I get this done within a reasonable amount of time, the second choice becomes viable, and viably so.
There are so many choices and there are so many ways to go about following those choices, and we constantly make them and don’t even think about the fact that we make them, and perhaps that is a good thing as, if we thought more about every single choice we made, there’d be more decision paralysis out there and that’s not necessarily a good thing. Some might consider it… a bad thing.
But we make choices all the time and I’ve made one and I’m still making numerous choices right now, and they are forming the words that you currently see, and as this is happening there are so many choices not explored, and it’s generally not something we think about (don’t know why I’m saying that again), but one has to wonder sometimes about the choices not made and where they lead.
Of course there’s the whole regret thing, but I’m thinking about the smaller ones. I’m thinking about the ones that seem to have no impact or matter in the grand scheme of things, and that’s the set of choices I want to think about.
What if I choose to write one word over the one I wrote? Where would that lead? How would that cascade into a series of other things, if it would at all? What about the point at which I actively breathe? Could that have an impact on things in ways that I’d never be able to understand unless I were exploring that branch through a series of things and all that?
I mean, there probably isn’t much of an impact at all and life goes on and nothing changes, but you never know, and sometimes that is what I want to explore… but on a larger scale, of course. You never know with these things.
I guess in a way it’s a way of shedding realities and pathways to follow the one you’re set to so as to go through the most boring of consequences, and that’s okay too. There isn’t much wrong with that; sometimes a more boring life is the best option, but let me tell you, my life is the most boringly exciting thing possible… or maybe it’d be better to put it as boringly awesome.
I do the things that I do and people express some sort of surprise and admiration, but there’s a lot of tedium in the things that I do. You just get used to it and accept it if you keep doing the things that you do, you know? And so I keep on going through with all that is and I keep making decisions I don’t think about, and everything goes the way it goes and I keep following the path that I keep following.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:00:65
A bit more thoughtful than usual, I think.
Written at work.
I don’t have long before I start work, but I told myself that I’ll write this morning and so that is what I’m doing, because that is what I want to do.
Gotta do my setting up for the day and getting ready and all those things. Gotta get moving and start getting through everything. Gotta prepare for the onslaught of stuff I like doing, or something.
It’s a fine day and I can drift off into my own little world for a short period of time. That’s fine, but perhaps I want to drift off for a long time. Perhaps I want to drift off for a time that goes beyond all that it goes beyond… or something. Perhaps I want to live in my imagination and the worlds that it brings toward me, or rather the worlds that I allow myself to go to through it… I think?
What am I saying? What am I writing? I’m just sitting here, spewing words that don’t have enough context or meaning and I’m spreading myself thick in a thin manner, and it’s all just a mess. Could be worse, of course, but it could be better and I need to stop saying that.
What I need to do is start looking elsewhere and see what lies beyond. I need to continue through the thicket of laziness and move toward the thicket of effort, and keep on going. I’ve let myself get too lazy for too long, and it’s draining me and all that other stuff. At the same time, however, I’m really tired and I need more fuel in the tank, and it’s not happening and so I need to rest for a good long time. Rest is nice and necessary and all that, and it’s something I keep depriving myself of, and I really, REALLY need to stop doing so, because I spend a lot of time not doing anything but not resting.
I’ve written about this before and I guess it’s safe to assume that I’ll keep writing about it in the future, and I really don’t want to, but it’s what will keep happening. That’s life, I suppose. People do tend to repeat themselves and I can’t pretend that I don’t, but I still don’t like it. I’d rather explore other things.
I’d rather be a bit shallow and wide at the moment, and then start diving again, but I’m not sure if I will or even if I can. However, that’s the way it is, I guess. Perhaps what I should really be doing is embracing the whole thing and become even more singular. Perhaps the giving up on being dynamic is where the true path to being better lies, and so that’s the path that I should follow.
Don’t want to, however. Feels a little too easy to me, so I’d rather just not. I’d rather keep on going and trying and failing, then trying some more. It’s what I prefer doing, to be honest.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:21:83
I think some of this is decent. Kind of had to force myself to “flow” in a sense and that comes through, but then the readability improves after that.
Written at work.
This is another one that took too long. I sort of took my time with it, sort of didn’t. It just mostly happened, if that makes sense.
The editing process was easy, though I got to a point where I realsied it wasn’t that good of a bit of writing, but it was better to publish it and move on. Realistically it would’ve been better to not publish at all, but I wanted it out of the way. I think what I said is fine, but I also think it could’ve been said much better.
Most of my interview and review work now appears on Culture Eater.
My colleague and I set up a Patreon to further develop Culture Eater as a source of good quality arts coverage from both ourselves and our contributors.
We’re looking at what we can give to supporters as we don’t want to set up a one way relationship, so suggestions are welcome. Podcast Eater is one of the things we’ve got going, and although it has been silent for a year, that should change in the coming weeks.
Please consider supporting, or at least sharing the Patreon page with others. Please also check out what our wonderful contributors are contributing.
I hope you enjoy.
—
Regurgitator no longer exist as part of the zeitgeist and they haven’t for a while. But when their now was now and not then, they seemed concerned that they were part of it rather than being part of it. Since that time they’ve had a good deal of breathing space. Their career has been lengthy and seen various forms of success, but once you get a few decades along your musical path, what do you do? How do you keep going without burning out? Perhaps for Regurgitator it doesn’t matter so long as what they feel they’re doing is good enough.
So INVADER starts with “Cocaine Runaway”, seemingly an ode to a prior era used to form a foundation for the new. It’s synthy; it’s pushing forward. It has sax. Then the album gets more punky with “Pest”, then pop with “This is not a Pop Song”, then more punk, then hip-hop, then some “rock”, then something more new wave-ish… and it continues on touching on various sounds and styles. There’s a through-line in terms of sound and “style” here, where a good number of songs sound a bit dirtier than usual and others are really crisp and clean, yet everything sounds familiar enough to each other. Essentially the album holds this variability but it remains cohesive. It sounds like Regurgitator in the way that Regurgitator sound like Regurgitator.
As such, the songs also feel pretty fun, though often the lyrics carry a lot of weight and seem more direct than on past releases. However, it’s clear that Regurgitator don’t want to necessarily smack you in the face; they rather you listen and join the party. There’s serious subject matter throughout the album, and there’s optimism too.
That said, “The Bastard Poem No One Wanted” (orated by poem’s writer, Tyson Yunkaporta) goes in a different direction to the rest of the album. It’s an intense bit of work, fantastically delivered and with the right kind of backing instrumentation too. It’s a bit of a sudden shift, but it sits in the right spot to be at its most effective.
INVADER’s other guests also put in solid work. Peaches appearing to do Peaches things works nicely in keeping “…Pop Song” flowing; JK47’s feature on “Dirty Old Men” gives a needed breadth and further meaning to a piece that would risk monotony without him. It’d be easy to have guests for the sake of having guests, but both their and Tyson’s appearances feel warranted. Their appearances hold focus, and are long enough to get something across without either feeling rushed or meandering.
When I first listened to INVADER, it felt like just another Regurgitator album. From the second listen onward, the songs revealed more of themselves, and the album’s overall strengths started coming forward. Closer “Tsunami” has a sadness balanced by the melody, but that likely won’t come through if only heard once. The lo-fi “Pee Pee Man” starts making more sense within the context of being between “Dirty Old Men” and “Wrong People” over repeat listens. Sure, the songs work well enough on their own, but they work as well in the context of the whole album.
Regurgitator haven’t necessarily released a bad album, but some have been weaker than others. There was a good stretch where, their music seemed more about having fun. That’s fine, but it felt like their desire to discuss their concerns took a backseat. Furthermore, the energy and enthusiasm was still there, but it didn’t feel utilised to the fullest extent. On INVADER they’re still having fun, but Regurgitator are striking out with a fuller passion. Not all the songs express the group’s concerns, but they are being much more incisive without sacrificing enjoyment.
INVADER is available here.
This is a photo I took a good few weeks ago now. It’s just a moody photo. Sort of ominous, and you’ve one light on and it sets this tone to the whole thing. Is the person forced to work despite the threat of heavy rainfall? Is it someone just staying back, oblivious to the outside? Did they forget to switch a light off?
This is my submission into the three hundred-and-fifteenth Lens-Artists Photo Challenge. The theme for this one is “Common Object“.
I feel this fits the theme as both windows and lights are often seen as common objects.
The host of the Lens-Artists challenges cycles weekly between the following people:
Ritva is curating this one. The next one is curated by Egídio.
I recommend participating in the challenges as they provide a fun way to interpret theme. If not participating, then at least you should still check out what others of the Lens-Artists community are submitting.
I hope you enjoy.
Another day wasted. Another day tired. Another day where I wrote a thing and then didn’t do the thing so it meant I scrapped the thing, but it was worth scrapping. It was worth throwing away.
Where are those words going to go now? I don’t know, but I also don’t remember them. Maybe that is unfair. I don’t know.
I know that I sit here and I’m trying to get something across. I don’t want another day to slip into the tedium of nothingness. I don’t want to lose another day to a lack of productivity. I want to keep on going and keep writing, and I hope I get enough done. I need to finish some reviews but that isn’t happening today, but I am writing now, at least.
I’m trying to think of what the future holds right now, or at least trying to think of an idea of what the future could hold. I’m trying to think of things, but my mind is clouded by the fatigue I’ve wrought, and I don’t know how much more energy I have before I pass out.
Anyway, I’m thinking about all the words I’ve written, and I wonder how many of them were worth reading. I’ll probably say this again soon enough, but I’ve weaved a series of thoughts and ramblings about life, and I prefer to weave life over highlights, but I still have to wonder as to how much of it is worth it, and how much of it is monotonous drivel. Still, I’ve done it and it’s now part of my history, and that’s fine. That’s okay.
But now I sit here and I have to think about some things. I have to think about what I have and have not created, and the time I’ve spent sitting here writing about things when it could’ve been time better spent elsewhere. I have to think about what is floating away and what is leaving, and if what I invite in is worth the trade.
I want to keep walking toward the sunset, and through the night, and toward whatever else is out there, and it’s happening, but it brings about a lot of reflection, I guess. It could be worse, of course. This isn’t a bad place to be. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to float along and make connections, and see people come and go, but there’s also some hurt here too, and maybe that’s part of what it all needs to keep floating on.
Eventually it will be beyond the horizon behind me and I’ll be walking through the dawn, and the words that carry weight may be what I take, but I hope I can detach them from this.
I hope I can take them to whatever comes next, when that comes, but for now I’ll just keep walking. I’ll keep walking and reflecting, and eventually I’ll get there. I’ll get to where I want to be, and that will be that.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:16:17
Not a bad speed.
A bit more reflective or openly introspective than usual, and I guess that’s gonna happen here and there, but this one feels a bit more raw in a sense.
Written at home.