Alright, so I have a little bit of time to kill as I’m currently waiting between “gigs” (The one that I am currently covering is three gigs in a sense; More of a festival on a rather small scale), so I thought I’d try and get a little bit of writing done so that a little bit more writing is done.
This table is a little bit more comfortable to sit at when it comes to writing and working, but it also is a little more nauseating due to the angled mirror in front of me. Not helping matters at all so I am trying to avoid looking at it so I feel a little less nauseous. Not fun, let me tell you. However, there are worse things and at the moment the first band of the final part is warming up and making sure all is good and I like this as it means that I get to listen to something rather pleasing and not have to worry about whether I am going to need to review it or not. It’s just nice stuff and nice stuff is always a bonus to have…. sometimes.
The light is darkening outside. Maybe the proper phrase here is “gradually absconding”, but I don’t know. I don’t know what the proper phrase is. I do know, however, that I am sitting here and trying to avoid looking at a mirror so I can focus on this and then get on with things which will mean getting toward the doing of the next thing and so on and so forth.
Outside of this room the music keeps on playing and dancing something mysterious and in here I dance over the keyboard and try and collate letters into words. It is a relationship that doesn’t quite exist, but perhaps it is indeed there. Perhaps the music is guiding me right now and I do not know of it, even though I have made the suggestion. It is possible but it is not something I am willing to entertain at the present moment as that would then mean that I have to write away from the writing that I am currently writing and that is something that I do not want to do. I want to continue with what I am currently doing for some reason. Not sure why, but I just do.
So I’ve come this far at this point and I think I’m doing alright for time. I’m looking over at the time and it seems that I’m doing alright. Feeling rather tired but am going to push on through. Only three more hours before I can head on home. This has been a rather long day, but I can get there in the end.
So long as I do not look at the mirror, I can get there in the end. I am not enjoying how the mirror is making me feel, but I think I can get through it. I think I can get to the end of this. Hopefully I can. Hopefully I make it and then I don’t have to worry about anything else for a little while.
Maybe I’m going to fall into the hole of no hope. Maybe I will fall into the hole of hopelessness. I’m trying not to, but there is every chance that I will. Fatigue is chasing me and soon I will need to hide and there are no shrubs or trees or other objects and organism of which I would be able to put myself behind so as to avoid the gaze of that which is chasing me at this particular juncture in time. As such, I think I need to keep on going and might just have to jump into one of these holes I’d rather not as that would mean then that I might have no form of hope of which I could claim as my own, but if push comes to shove, then I imagine that I don’t have much of a choice, to be honest. Still, there are other things out there that need to be worried about but all I want to do is enjoy the lovely melodies that are coming forward from the other room and not realise that they just might be guiding my writing to some extent at this particular point in time.
If it turns out that they are not, then who am I to say so? I am not willing to entertain the notion as I don’t want to. I want to kick the dirt and spit on the ground and be a rebel of some sort. Rebelling against myself in order to release myself from the lack of challenging myself so I can move on with myself and walk forward but there will be grumbling and perhaps a bit of swearing. That is what I am claiming and there is nothing out there that can stop me.
Anyway, I think I now need to choose as to which hole I am going to jump into. That thing that I mentioned earlier is still coming after me and so I need to make the decision. However, instead of choosing one of those holes, I am going to take another option. I am going to break this little fantasy of which I am creating and instead going to get up off this seat and go take care of things that I need to take care of as there are things that I need to take care of and they need to be taken care of sooner rather than later. The music that the musicians were playing is no longer coming forward and so I should get on with doing other things so that I can be ready to shoot the next part.
However, instead of doing that straight away I am going to sit a little longer as sitting is something that I do and it is something that I happen to do well.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 09:59:71
This ramble was brought to you by not enough sleep and being rather drained.
Written somewhere in Newtown.