Well, once more I sit here, trying to work out what it is that I will put to screen to be able to be read by others, but of course I’ve nothing swirling around. What I should have done is written this before work when I was feeling less drained. What I am doing instead is doing this after work when I should be doing other things in an attempt to postpone the inevitable whilst feeling rather tired.
Tonight may be a busy night.
So of course I bring this all upon myself, so really it is just I that I am to blame as I should have known better, and in fact do know better, but here we are, doing the thing that I do and doing it with some sort of racing pace so as to be able to get this done sooner rather than later, though of course maybe it will be done later rather than sooner. There still is quite a bit of doing to go, of course, so I guess we’ll just see as to what happens when I get to the end of this.
Well, we’ll see hat happens as I do this, but of course I am not seeing it as I am not paying attention to whatever it is that I am writing. In fact, I am so not paying attention that I’ve written most of the last sentence and most of this sentence with my eyes closed and instead am just letting the thoughts flow freely. Probably not the best of ideas that I’ve ever had, but of curse the worst ideas are what you get and they are what I provide.
It’s as though that is what my trade happens to be; bad ideas to be shared with the world. There are no buyers but I do not stop. I keep on going and keep on going with some sort of determination to get it all out so that one day I finally get through all the layers of crab and find the one good idea that is within me so that I can express it without any qualms or issues. It will be so perfect and complete in its perfect completeness that I will have to worry no longer about other things, or something.
At least, that is what I am hoping in this particular moment. The truth is that I don’t know if that is indeed the case and I will likely forget the train of thought soon enough, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. Sometimes things should be left behind in the past and sometimes they should be carried forward. I don’t think this will be carried forward as there are other things on my mind that I need to address and address them sooner or later is what I shall do. However, preferably it will be sooner as to night is going to be a busy night and I need to get a lot of things done before the end of it. That is only a few hours away as technically it is yet to be night and I will go to sleep a couple of hours after it does become night.
Of course there will be a great deal of procrastination, but sometimes that is what comes with the territory of wasting time. Such is the way of wasting time and such is the way in which I waste the time of which I am currently wasting in order to avoid the art of responsibility as I don’t want to be responsible for things at the present moment. I just want to sit down and waste time and do nothing and take it easy and all of that other stuff.
However, there are things that need doing and I can’t just put them off forever. I might try, but one day they’re all going to come back and I’ll be left with insurmountable things that I will have to spend some serious amount of time sinking my time into and so that will prevent the relaxing of which I so desperately crave.
Of course this is all on my, but I choose not to accept the responsibility of my actions. I have other things that I need to accept, such as deliveries and various objects of incremental desire. Those require the attention of which only I can provide and so provide to them is what I will do, assuming that I have any attention at all to give to anything other than my selfish pursuits by that stage.
Maybe instead of all of that I’ll just start everything from the ground again. Knock it all down, brush it all away and get on with something new. So long as I can keep a solid foundation, I am sure that I will get whatever it is that needs to be built built up in a way that somehow expresses what it is that I need to express through new and fanciful creations of my imagination that stretch beyond what is known in the plane of reality that I refer to as “reality”, though not always as sometimes I can’t think of a word to use to refer to it as and that of course weighs heavily on my mind, but not always as I don’t really think about it at all and thus I’m just talking and I don’t know why I am talking though I do now realise that this sentence has gone on far too long and so I need to think of a spiffy way to close it off, but of course I’ve got nothing.
That all said, I’m sure that, given enough time, I will think of a better ending for that sentence. Might have to come at some other point in the future, however, as right now I’m running out of space and need to think of what it is that I can say in order to close this off.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 11:06:19
This was a struggle to write. I think it shows.
Written at home.