That sensation of fading out in the sense of not being able to stay awake long enough is taking hold and it is not something that I quite want to find myself engaged within at the present moment. I have not done enough today and thus I need to stay awake in order to get to the end of it all. There need not be lengthy pauses at the moment.
However, the enemy of my existence which is the one I dance with the most – laziness – is here and I must fight that enemy off and try to get this finish, lest I succumb to the enticement of its actions and therefore find myself lost in a whirlwind of expectation that surrounds me and tries to keep me anchored at my desk and so on and so forth.
However, I know not as to where I am to go, so perhaps now is the time for me to go to bed and therefore find the rest that I so readily crave, as rest will come soon as I am tired and should have written this hours ago, but you can’t win them all when there are things that involve the need to sleep and the need to shake off all that determination in order to start making the journey toward the restitution for sleep, which I guess would be sleep and I don’t quite know as to what it is that I’m going on about. Still, that does not stop me and I will finish this bit of writing before I get up and go and find some rest, or something.
Anyway, the thing is that I’ve been lazy and now I am paying for it, but so long as I finish this I will have finished something and that is then something that I’ve done today, which will of course mean not all of the day has been wasted and I can get on with things and getting on with things means doing more things which is not what I want to do at the moment as what I want to do at the moment is rest, so soon instead of doing more things I’ll just rest and resting will then mean tomorrow I’ll feel better about things.
I really need to stop leaving these until I’m in a state where I want to sleep more than I want to do things. Clearly it is not good for the writing at the present moment, nd yet sometimes I cannot stop myself from doing so and so I keep on going and hope that somehow I get this done and then move onto the next thing and it’s just a cycle that I need to try and find a way to break out of as it’s not helping in the slightest, but right now that is not something I feel like getting into. What I feel like getting into is bed and so now I shall get on with that.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:42:19
Not great writing. I’ve waited too long to write today.
Written at home.