So I’m looking at all of my recent posts and I’m looking at how many of them are writing and it looks messy.
Well, this always looks messy, but that’s beside the point right now. The point is that I’m looking at the recent posts and they look messy. I’ve still got a fair bit of writing to do after this one also and that is something that I’m not looking forward to, if I am to be honest. Sure, there are worse things out there, but this leaves me feeling not good, or something. Could be worse, but it could be better too really.
This whole issue of needing to write a lot is of my own creation and I feel as though I’m slowly burying myself. It’s not a good thing to want to feel, but it could easily be resolved. However, it won’t for there still remains a lot of words to write before the end of the evening and I am here, doing that so as to try and get back on top of things.
I’m burying myself, but I’m also pulling myself out of the mess that I’ve created. It’s a slow process, but I’m getting there. I’m slowly working my way out of this whole thing and slowly working toward something a little better. It takes time and there is some falling, but I will get there in time. Just need to keep on beavering away as they say.
Still, there are plenty of times where it feels as though the best way to go about things is top just completely give up and walk away. That seems like it would be the sensible thing to do, and maybe it is. Maybe it is more sensible for me to, at this stage, walk away from all of this and just stop entirely. However, that is not something that I am going to do at this particular point. There still are things that I’m aiming to do and they take some time and so I instead choose to try and get back to climbing onto all of the things as they fall away due to my getting them done. That is what I am trying to do and that is what I may succeed at doing.
Of course I could completely fail, but I am yet to and so I will continue to do this thing and I will continue on with whatever it is that I am doing that I’m not quite revealing, though I guess that it is pretty obvious at the end of the day.
Then again, is it?
Maybe I do know, and maybe I don’t. Well, I like to think that I know as to what it is that I am doing with this whole blog. Maybe I think I know but I don’t actually know and I’ve spent a lot of time misleading myself. That is a possibility that I need to consider as it could very well be true. Maybe I don’t know and I am doing the thing that I don’t know that I am doing, which is to say that I am doing the thing that this blog is all about and I don’t realise that I am doing such a thing. It is a mystery.
It is a grand old mystery that stretches beyond eons and makes the innocent cry and I don’t know if I can handle that. Well, I can, but I don’t want to know that I can. I would much rather delude myself into not knowing than go on knowing, for I don’t want to make the innocent cry. They’re innocent and I am not if I am making them cry, but more importantly, they’re innocent. They don’t need to cry due to my actions, though maybe they do and I’m not considering that.
There really is a lot to consider here and perhaps I need more time to think about all of this. It is all odd discoveries that I am now aware of and of course I now know a little bit less for knowing more. It’s humbling in a way and perhaps in that being humbling it also is a boost to the ego. Not sure yet, but I’m sure that, given enough time, I will be able to work out what is actually the case of all of this.
Then again, maybe I won’t. Maybe I will stay here and keep on twiddling my thumbs, not knowing a thing and going around in circles until I start going around in squares. There may be triangles along the way.
Maybe I’ll look at progressing to decagons at some stage, but I don’t know if I want to go through those many shapes to get somewhere. It seems a little excessive and that could pose a problem. Rather not be excessive and cut down on things where possible. If so, then I’m happy. If not, then I guess I have to stick to excess. If I have to stick to excess, then so be it, but I really would rather not as there are other things that I need to do and excess takes a lot of time and that is time I can’t be bothered expending even though I clearly am expending it as I write this.
So anyway, now that I’ve said all of that, I think I will get on with other things and then get on with other, other things. After all, there still remains a fair bit to write before the night is over and I need to get through it all with some sort of haste of the post variety, so therefore I will do some more. Then I will try and do some less. However, there may be some sort of order that goes against this and I’ll be thrown into some sort of chaotic state. If so, well, I guess I’ll just have to start this all over again.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 10:02:59
At this stage I don’t think I will do NaNoWriMo again.
This isn’t good writing in the slightest, but I don’t think doing something that means I’m writing more than usual helps.
Written at home.