Alright, so I’m now here and once more it is evening and it would be apparent that I’ve let the day get away from me. This is not something that I had hoped for or even planned. However, it did happen and so now I am here and in being here I need to try and get the day back.
The day is tricky and it is fast and in its being tricky and fast it is also cunning. It knows its way around things in order to deceive and make the journey to finding it and catching up with it take longer than initially desired, though I doubt there was any desire at all to spend a day looking for and trying to watch up with a day, as I would be the one desiring it if it were the case and I am not desiring it, so therefore there is no desire felt by me to chase after a thing I don’t want to chase after.
I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to go hunting for a thing that is so far ahead that it is far beyond comprehension. That is not something that I have any interest in pursuing as it takes time and the time that it takes is not something that I want to spend. I want to spend my time writing and drawing and being lazy. I don’t want to spend it doing things that are required out of obligation or at least some sense of obligation.
Anyway, I feel now that I have to do this thing that I’ve said that I don’t want to do. There is cause and the cause is to be able to get some time back into a day; well, get some time back. It doesn’t need to be squeezed into a day, though it could be.
So anyway, now I’ve got to do this thing and so I guess I will do it. There is little else to do and so it might just be better for me to do this now and get it out of the way and then stop thinking about things and all that other stuff. However, there will be the thinking about things. There might be the thinking about preparation as there is a lot of preparation that needs to be done before the announcement to fail to get any preparation can be done. There also needs to be preparation done in order to be able to find a day and tackle it down and bring it back in order to make proper use of it instead of letting it get away and all of that kind of stuff.
I don’t want to do this, and yet I must. There is obligation and there is destiny and I need to fulfill that. I need to fulfill that which is ahead of me in order to make the most of what it is that I am trying to make the most out of. I don’t quite think that I can but maybe I can. Maybe I cannot, but maybe I can.
Maybe this is a bit of an errand of the foolish variety and really what I should be doing is forgetting about all of this and just easing off into the evening. It is late and soon there will be sleep and sleep will be needed, but first this should happen. I need to remain vigilant and stubborn. I need to get the day back and I need to do it in the most dramatic way possible.
I need to prepare and I need to get ready and then I need to actually do the thing, but I am getting tired and now I need to fight the being tired as that needs to also be fought off. As such I could say that I’ve a few enemies along the road to getting the day back. I need to wrestle with things and I need to fight the being tired.
Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I should rest and take it easy and in that taking easy I can head on out tomorrow as I’ll be recharged. I’ll feel ready to go and then I will go and I’ll tackle that which I need to and I’ll do it in style. There might even be some finesse. Of course there will be a lot of clumsiness, but that will help to create a sense of sway and drama in the whole thing, as I imagine that, despite all belief I may have, the whole affair will be as boring as it will be fruitless.
Oh sure, there could be experiences had on the way, but thinking about those means thinking about things I don’t want to think about as that takes away focus on the target. Maybe it’s a foolish pursuit, but still, I know as to what it is that I will try and do and in knowing that I know a little more of myself.
That said, do I really? Is there more to know? There is, but do I really know it? Probably not, no. Therefore I should think of other things right now and instead of thinking about this I might think of those other things as I am desperately looking for a way out and I feel that that is going to be my exit point. Maybe it won’t, bit I have to believe and I have to pretend. If I can do that then I can get away from all of this silliness and then move to whatever else it is that I need to move toward. Still, the day must be hunted down so I can get it back, but I’ll have to stack that onto the tail end of another day and that’s not something that I want to do, but I might just have to, though I could also just not go on this hunt and do other, more productive things.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 10:34:27
Once more this was written mostly to force me to write.
It was a real struggle and so perhaps I shouldn’t have pushed myself.
However, I’m glad I pushed on through as, whilst this is not good writing by any stretch of the imagination, it’s keeping me writing.
Written at home.