It’s morning. It is before work and I’m trying to pick myself back up after a few days (or weeks, or months) of being on the floor, so to speak. It’s the way things go and it’s okay.

Sometimes you need help and that also is okay. If you need help, accept it if you can and pay it forward when you’re in a position to do so. Helps things get better and all that.

I wonder how much of my lack of motivation to get things done sooner rather than later has been driven by laziness and how much of it has been driven by other factors such as self-doubt, emotional state and all those other wonderful things that help drive us into states of inactivity. I’m not entirely sure as it certainly has felt much like a blur, or a series of events in which I am present but elsewhere and witnessing things very much from the outside as though they are vague actions among a series of vague whispers in which none matters even though it all should matter.

Of course thinking about these things has little use in the way of practical application, but at the same time trying to work out what has been going on is a good way to better reduce the impacts of it when it happens in the future, assuming it does happen in the future.

That all said, I can confirm that in part my ongoing sugar addiction certainly has not helped. Fell off, getting back onto controlling it, taking it a day at a time. Hopefully will stay on top of it for longer this time, but if not then I’ll fall off and pick myself back up again. It’s a process of living and sometimes I need help with controlling it, but usually I don’t and that’s okay. It’s okay to fall off and it’s okay to get help if you need it, and you continue on and you do your best to stay on top of things and all that.

So here I am, writing in the morning which is an improvement over recent times which have mostly been in the evening which is something that I’ve wanted to avoid. The comedown is hopefully over and I just need to keep on eating healthy and staying on top of that, and now that I’m saying this I’m wondering as to how much of my laziness is due to being lazy rather than due to sugar addiction. Right now that does matter, but it’s better to not put too much pressure on myself about it as I need to consider what I’m doing now.

Regardless, I’ll just keep on going and keep trying to look after myself and power on, and I’ll keep on rambling through time and space and gradually think more about what it is that I’m doing and not doing and then I’ll go from there.

Anyway, I think it’s time to keep on going.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 09:50:40

Probably the most open thing I’ve written in a long time.
Rough writing. It fits.

Written at home.