I let the day get away from me once more. Not a good move, but now were’ here and soon I will be getting ready to head on out. I’ll just listen to whatever I want to listen to right now and that’s fine. It’s what I do most of the time anyway, and so… yeah.

The hours are ticking away so I need to grab onto what I can. Need to accelerate and become a speeding blur of something so fast that there is no telling what it is that I am. In this I will lose all sense of identity and perhaps a sense of self to go along with that. I will no longer be what I think I am (though there is always a good chance that I am not what I think I am anyway, but that’s neither here nor there) which will lead to becoming something else entirely.

Of course what I think I am and what others perceive me to be could be two very different things and so I might lose my sense of self and discover something new, but as others see this thing going right past them at a speed that seems impossible to move at, what I am to them will likely appear to be something entirely different.

What if I remain as myself but think I become something else entirely. What if I lose what I am even though it is right there with me throughout this whole ordeal? Perhaps some sort of new definition will be born if I somehow come to an understanding that my self was always there and never lost; I just lost sight of it.

This would occur after an indeterminate amount of time, of course. It couldn’t happen immediately as if that did happen then there would be no journey of discovery and transformation of perspective and that wouldn’t be as fun. Gotta keep the fun in there somehow. No fun, no journey.

Does the journey have to be fun? It could be entirely boring, dull, insipid. It could be entirely unpleasant, and that’s all okay as it is about what is gained from the whole thing rather than just having fun. The outcome could be one of failure, but even in failure there can still be something gained. Depends on the failure, really.

So anyway the new sense of self would combine with the old sense of self, or at least that is what I’d hope. I’d rather congealing rather than conflict and so in these suddenly a past that was always present becomes fully realised as present and two forms of the present merge into one and a new whole comes forth. It would be one that recognises both and sees them in cooperation for a better tomorrow and that would be just neat.

Of course, however, others would still have their own perception of what I am and that wouldn’t stop until I slow down to an acceptable speed.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:34:75

Not a bad speed. A bit of messiness here, but overall I think I get something across, even if it is not much.

As a side note, this was going to be titled “Understanding at Excessive Speed”, but I felt that would be a better title for something else that that title inspired as I wrote it, so I’m saving it for later.

Written at home.