Gotta stop doing this. Gotta stop writing so late into the evening but I’m doing it again. Plus side is that my wrist isn’t hurting so much right now. The minus side is that I’m tired and I want to go to bed soon. Alas.

The rain falls but the music is fun and so I’m living it up, or at least I’m pretending to. Slowly, yet surely the need to find a new house inches closer and closer and soon it will be here, looking at me and grabbing me and making me look at a new house. I’m not excited, but it’s life and I will survive. Always have and always will. Perseverance, slowly grow more tired but perseverance and all that other stuff.

Sitting here and listening to this music whilst listening to the rain has got me thinking about how they don’t quite align with each other, and that’s okay. This music might just be a little too lively and loud for the rain outside, but it’s still a nice combination. Not quite congruous, but still pleasant.

Tonight things feel alright but tomorrow it will be a submerging once more. It’s the cycle of things but it’s what I throw myself into and so I just keep on digging away. I keep trying to get money from photography and I keep hunting for a better job and I keep on getting on with the getting on and all those things. I sit here and say nothing in the hopes of saying something but the words gain less and less meaning and eventually all they’ll be are facsimile cutouts of the idea of words. They’ll be nothing else other than shapes that exist that can be construed as words but lack all meaning that words provide and so I’ll just keep crapping on about stuff that has no real meaning whilst still working toward goals that remain unattainable due to the sabotage of the self as well as a lack of popularity great enough to propel me into a position where I am so rich I never have to worry about anything ever again.

Realistically I’d just like to have enough money to no longer be constantly stressed about how close I am to going under. I’d like to be comfortable.

Well, I don’t want to be comfortable, but I want to be financially comfortable, if that makes sense. It’s good to be restless at times and it’s good to have that restlessness to help drive things. Having money would take a lot of stress out of my life.

Anyway, the rain falls, I sit here and bemoan my doing this late at night and I go nowhere. Nothing changes but at least the music is enjoyable. It distracts from something that I’ll soon have to deal with, but not right now. Right now I can pretend that I don’t have to worry so much about problems, but it’s only a temporary reprieve from too much stress.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:31:71

I think this could be so much better. There’s a lot I want to say about struggling financially and this says so little about it, but this was partly jumbled thoughts and so the message is muddled.

Written at home.