I was writing this thing about how today has been absolutely fucked and despairing but that doesn’t get me very far. I want to write something more positive than what I was writing but I’m not sure if I have the energy in me. Still, I don’t want to give up. I want to keep on pushing on and hope that I write something a bit more positive than what I was writing before I started this bit of writing.

I don’t know if I can. Still, I want to try.

I want to persist. I want to succeed in the face of what feels like overwhelming defeat. I want to be able to have a roof over my head without having to worry about being poor too. There are some good things around and there is joy out there. Maybe there isn’t in here, but there is out there and so maybe it’s time to get out of here and see what happens.

I have to leave the house soon anyway but I’m not sure if that counts.

There still is about two months left for my partner and I to find a place to live. I’m hoping we find it sooner rather than later as I don’t have many, if any options if we don’t find anything. I’m trying to hold on and not let myself roll around in despair, but it’s getting tiring and it’s tough. Hanging in there is difficult when you’re not getting anywhere.

But still I have to keep trying. I have to keep on trying to survive and I have to struggle to get ahead, or I have to struggle to get into a position where I’m no longer struggling. It has been a long lifetime thus far and I can only imagine that at this point it is going to get longer, but I hold on. This isn’t the time to give up.

See now I don’t know what else to say. The thing is the pressure that I’m feeling is constant and it’s getting worse and I keep on pushing on, and I need help to get through this, but the help I need is not available to me and so I just have to keep on going and hoping. I have to keep on moving forward and remain focused on the goal. Once a house is sorted then I can worry about other things, but there is so much to worry about at the moment.

But I persist and I go forward because I owe it to my partner and myself to not give up. I need help but if it’s not coming then I still have to do what I can and I have to hold onto hope, and allow that to keep me going. It’s hard, but maybe I’ll get there. Maybe I won’t have to spend much more time worrying about having a new place to live. Maybe within the next few weeks there will be success.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:01:68

Speed is fine with this one. More concerned about what I’m putting forward than the speed.

It is a really tough time and I’m struggling and there isn’t a small chance I won’t be successful. Still persisting but it’s really hard to do so.

Written at home.