One Thousand Word Challenge 111: Struggling With Writing

Posted on March 9, 2021 by Stupidity Hole

I don’t know as to why I am doing this right now. I’m thinking about trying to hit the thousand word mark and I don’t even know as to how I’m going to get there.

Not even a tenth of the way as of yet and already I’m feeling the struggle. This is going to be rough and I might even give up part of the way. I don’t know why I’m doing this right now; I should be resting so that I’m alright for work tomorrow. Still, no rest right now as I’m stubborn, but of course maybe there will be rest if I give up.

Why did I just write that? There’s no point in writing it if I give up, but maybe if I don’t give up then it will be seen, or something. Hoping that it somehow creates substance. Hoping that I get to the end of this before my hands decide to give up for the day.

Maybe there is no getting to the end and all of this uncertainty is a sign that it’s all going to go south, or something. The writing will go south and go on holiday and I’ll be stuck here with a mess that I can do little about.

Feeling the struggle quite a fair bit at this point and of course that is not a good thing as I’d rather not be struggling. I want to push on forward and get to the end of this and then move toward doing the other things. I sort of don’t want to be writing at the moment, but I feel compelled to do so, as though it is my nature that I am ignoring. Perhaps there is a bit of hubris in saying that, but that is how I feel at the moment and so I am going to entertain that desire and get on with it, or something.

Well, I guess that answers my initial questioning. It looks like I know why, but is there anything beyond what I’ve already said? I don’t know and I am not going to explore that. In exploring that I might realise something about myself and I don’t want to realise anything at the moment. I would rather turn away frim “I” and go toward “You”, though how I do that from here is only something you can decide. Either that or I work out something else and then go from there and hope for some more of the best, or expect some more of the worst. It’s a difficult thing to try and walk across as the tightrope is loose, but either side is high up and there no real way to get up there unless I climb and I don’t feel like climbing right now. I feel like sleeping, but there are so many more hours to go and I need to stay awake…

So now I don’t know as to what I should say from here, but of course I will still say more stuff so as to express that not knowing as to what it is that I want to say. It’s not that I want to say what I am saying, of course, but I still say it anyway as it is a way to express that I don’t know what to say, therefore making sure that I am providing something clear and concise and you get that clarity as there is little else here that you could get from the stuff that I write. It’s all downward and falling into a hole; never getting out or going anywhere, except for maybe further downward if someone throws in a shovel. Such is the way of the things that I write and such is the way that things go here.

Maybe I should start digging up and get out. I know I’ve covered this before, but maybe I should keep on trying. There’s no harm in trying. There’s no harm in trying to work on improvement. There’s no harm in hope. There certainly is harm in injury, however, but thankfully I currently am not injured, so that’s one less thing to worry about.

Anyway, I think I’m getting away from the point, of which there is not one. All this is is bemoaning my fate in doing this bit of writing that I don’t know why I’m doing and worrying about not being able to get to a target amount of words, of which probably is not a valid concern, but that’s the way it goes sometimes so therefore I should stop worrying about the thing and just get on with it so that I get to the end and then worry no more. I can then review and reflect on the thing that I created and wonder as to how that path to improvement will reveal itself.

Still, I shall struggle on until that point. This bit of writing is a struggle and I am struggling but not really, but also at the same time I am in some sort of convoluted twisting that I am making up for myself as… well, I guess that’s just what I’ve done this time around. Not the worst thing in the world, but the struggle is as real as it is unreal and I’m getting there, but only barely. Maybe I’ll get to the end of this sooner rather than later, but I dread reading over it as I’ll need to in order to fix some of the spelling.

Still, this struggle may have been worthwhile. It’s not the worst thing I’ve experienced. I’ve experienced far worse things out there, so I’m not overly fussed if I am to be honest. Kind of am, but can brush it off, just like the rest of this writing, of which has no substance to it, nor any strong argument to support its existence.

Oh well. It has been a ride; a comfortable one with few turns, but still, the tank will need fuel.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 12:37:72

This isn’t the worst thing I’ve written, and that’s fine. Not the best either.

I feel as though this was brain exercise, if that makes sense.

Written at home.

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Five-Hundred Word Challenge 908: Fatigued Rambling

Posted on March 9, 2021 by Stupidity Hole

A bit of a cough and now I’m off to a racing start, though there is no racing and really I’m just thinking about how tired I am and how that affects my ability to get anything done, which sucks, but ultimately it’s on me for not being more responsible with going to bed at a reasonable hour relative to the time that I was waking up, so there I go.

With that being said, I do think that if I really am to accept the truth of responsibility in my lack of responsibility and repercussions for that, then instead of going on a lengthy tangent that rambles and goes nowhere, I should just own up to it, which I kind of am as it’s in writing, but of course I could say that this is pure fiction and therefore it really was an interesting narrative weaved whilst in character.

I don’t know where I’m going with this.

Of course these are possibilities and this is full of possibilities, much like life, though something something and then there’s some deepness, and really, being tired has some sort of merit to it that I will discover through some u9nlikely, yet utterly predictable combination of events that allow for realisation and then I go from there as it will be in the final hour or hours in which this is realised and then the climactic action scene can occur and all that other stuff and so on and so forth.

What am I trying to say here? Am I just trying to extend this being tired out into some sort of ramble that somehow is entertaining, yet utterly devoid of entertainment? Is that what I am trying to do here? I don’t know what my aims or motivations are and yet I cannot help but keep on going. I go in the vain hope that something of quality will arise, and yet there is no quality to be found here.

If this was a freshwater lake, it would be barren.

Anyway, I think that I shall work on this a bit more and then, once I have finished the writing, get on with other things so that the day doesn’t feel like another wasted opportunity. Don’t want to have too many of those on my hands as then they’ll be too full to hold something else of greater substance. This is the issue that I face and this is the beast that I need to slay, but of course I am yet to be armed and being yet to be armed is an issue.

What I need to be armed with is a set of empty hands. Maybe I can throw my wasted days at the beast and somehow make it go away that way, but then, after all is said and done, the stunning twist will reveal itself in a way that is both subtle and overt, creating massive shock:

The whole time this was happening, the beast was really me.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:17:47

This is a bit of writing that I wrote.

It’s… it certainly is a set of words organised into sentences.

Written at home.

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Five-Hundred Word Challenge 907: Two Sentences

Posted on March 8, 2021 by Stupidity Hole

Afternoon and the heat dissipated as there was some rain and now that has dissipated and all that is left is a lingering memory of something that passed by almost as briefly as it started, soon to be forgotten once the temporary reprieve from the heat is no longer there and too has drifted off to somewhere else where it is needed more than it is here due to the wonders of the day gradually shifting into the night and revealing itself to be its own form of relief from relentless and overbearing heat that threatens to create a great discomfort, though of course that discomfort is only a temporary, fleeting thing due to the shift from the summer months to the autumn months where things are expected to get a little cooler here, though of course there will be a bit of a bumpy transition, but that’s okay as weather is not necessarily a smooth thing, though maybe it is and I’m just looking at it the wrong way which is entirely possible, but then again maybe everything is all okay and it is a smooth transition and I’m looking at it the correct way, though perhaps I shouldn’t think about this too much as there are other things to think about and I feel as though it is getting away from what it was that I wanted to express with what I am currently saying, but it still relates to weather so somehow this will all fit in.

However, with that being said, maybe the focus is somewhere in what I have already said isn’t the focus and therefore I should go looking in there to see if I can find what it is that the focus of this bit of writing is about, which is something about the transition of weather and whether the weather will wither warily when worn out by the transitions so that something fresh can replace the current weather, though of course maybe the weather is neither fresh nor old and I’m just trying to apply those terms to get a better grasp on the processes which is entirely possible and quite possibly probably, unless now I really am going int he wrong direction and just conflating things in the wrong way, so perhaps I should stop and think for a moment about what it is that I am saying and try to work out which direction I am going in so I can better talk about the weather that recently was experienced, which was a bit of rain that I feel was not enough as I was expecting a storm and a storm was involved but not enough of one, so therefore there is some watering that needs to be done, but I don’t want to do it as that feels like effort that I don’t want to engage with at the moment so therefore I am not going to do so, though of course, like the rain, this engaging is fleeting.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:35:59

A bit slower compared to some other recent stuff, but the whole thing flows well for the most part, I think.

Written at home.

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Clouds in the Valley

Posted on March 7, 2021 by Stupidity Hole

More clouds in the same area as Mount Solitary and on the same day as this photo, but taken from a different location and a little earlier in the morning.

I like that some of the rain from the storm these clouds were a part of is visible as, due to the prominence, they add a sense of intensity to the scene.

On a side note, I got caught in the storm, but it was a different part of it that reached where I was at the time.

I think that the lighting works well here. It helps the scene feel early morning, and also like this is a storm on the coast.

This is my submission into the one hundred-and-thirty-eighth Lens-Artists Photo Challenge.

The theme for this one is “Natural Light“.

The challenge is hosted by four people and cycles weekly:

Week 1 – Patti

Week 2 – Ann-Christine aka Leya

Week 3 – Amy

Week 4 – Tina

This week’s challenge is curated by Amy. Tina is curating the next challenge.

The challenges are pretty fun and there’s a lot of room for interpretation that doesn’t get in the way of enjoyment. If you’re into photography, then I suggest participating, or at the least checking out what other people are submitting.

I hope you enjoy.

Posted in Photography | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Five-Hundred Word Challenge 906: Writing Essays

Posted on March 7, 2021 by Stupidity Hole

Shortly after finishing the last bit of writing that I shared here I started thinking about how writing essays would probably have been easier for me if I set time constraints to write them when I was writing them and then just wrote down whatever came to mind on the topic. Had I done this, then I am sure that I would have gotten more done in less time. Of course, there is the fact that I need to consider my not starting on essays early enough that certainly didn’t help with getting them done in a timely manner, but that isn’t something that I’m going to get into at the present moment.

To clarify, I’m referring to essays that I wrote for uni. Not sure if I needed to clarify that, but that is now something that I have clarified and now that you know that you know that, so yeah.

Writing essays is of course not that easy to find a solution for when it comes to terms of writing them quickly, but I feel that this method would have helped me with writing them.

Of course it is easy for me to say this all in hindsight. There is no guarantee that the act of working under a timer would have made it easier for me to write essays. It may have made things much harder and that is not something that I should rule out. I do want to rule it out, but I cannot and therefore I need to consider more possibilities.

What I am basing this on, however, is the idea of writing down a whole load of stuff, then going through it and seeing what does and does not work and then going from there.

Maybe I really am not thinking about this enough and should think about it more.

Still, doing that would have been better than sitting around and not doing much, then trying to write and edit my essays in one sitting which is something I am happy to admit was not a good thing to do and caused a lot of stress that could easily have been avoided. Had I worked on things in a different manner, then no matter what there would have been an improvement… so long as that way of working things didn’t involve doing things at the last minute, or late. Had it involved either of those, then… yeah.

I do want to work on writing essays more. It’s not so much that I miss writing essays (though I do), as much as it is I like the way they allow you to construct thoughts and arguments, so long as they’re written well of course. I’m not going to argue that I write good essays, but I do enjoy the format and so I might just work on writing some more. Either that or I say that and will instead attempt one and then give up due to some extreme reason that I think of.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:21:53

This felt slow to write, which I think is kind of interesting as it wasn’t slow.

Not anything out there; pretty grounded writing. Could perhaps be a little more focused and less repetitive.

Written at home.

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

One Thousand Word Challenge 110: Get up, Stretch, Walk

Posted on March 7, 2021 by Stupidity Hole

Alright, here we go.

There is little time and I’m racing once more. Perhaps I can weave a narrative into this bit of writing that will allow for one or more goals to be achieved and with no one but myself realising, which of course would mean something fanciful, but it wouldn’t, so there you go.

Anyway, I need to stop pausing and keep on getting on with the getting on. If I keep on pausing then I am actively thinking a little too much and that is something that I am desperately trying to avoid as I am trying tog et this written in under a certain amount of time, but of course it is not working and I’m pausing a little too much, so therefore I need to think of some way to stop pausing.

I think that what I will need to do is get up, stretch and go for a walk and then go somewhere else and try and tie it all together somehow. maybe I could walk to the nearby service station and by stuff. I could contemplate what I buy and work out what I could make use of and what I could not need, and all that other stuff that goes along with the whole thing and so on and so forth.

Maybe this would be a waste of time so instead of going there, I should perhaps go and walk to the nearby reserve. Look in the canal that was created by human hands and look into the water and stare at my reflection. Maybe if I stare long enough I will be able to look inside and go a little too far into my own face. There would be things to see, but perhaps they would hold no interest to me, so therefore it might be a waste of time to look inside. Of course I would have to find a way to get out too and that would take some time; time of which I probably would not be bothered to spend on such an endeavour, so maybe instead of all of that I will go to the beach and go for a bit of an exploration there and see what I could find.

There might be some sort of cloud formation on the horizon that will distend and distort as it approaches and reveal itself to be some sort of dangerous storm that I would want to avoid, so try to avoid it I would, which may or may not be successful. It depends on how quickly I reach shelter, if I do indeed reach shelter at all. Maybe instead I would let the storm swallow me and I would stand there, being pelted by the water falling from the sky and I would scream my heart out in some sort of act of defiance and reaching catharsis due to the apotheosis I would be having do to the art of engaging within the art of emotional release and some sort of dramatic movement in time that I happened to be experiencing then and there. Of course it would not be able to be repeated in the exact same way that it had originally occurred, but I still would try somewhere else. Maybe on top of a mountain, or not on top of a mountain; I’m not sure yet as I am yet to get that far.

Instead of all of that, I could also try and find a way to go somewhere I am yet to go through the power of locomotion that involves my legs moving forward. There are plenty of places I am yet to see and the possibilities with this one are quite endless, so of course it is one of those “where do you go?” type of things and of course I would want to see where my legs would take me, but I wouldn’t want to plan it out other than choosing a direction to go in and then going in that direction as that would be fun, but only fun so long as somehow everything works out and I don’t get into any trouble on the way. Need to avoid the trouble and all that as trouble might cause issues and issues are what I’m looking to avoid on this journey of going somewhere I am yet to go.

I think that whilst all of this sounds fanciful, it might just be a waste of time for the time being as what I really should be doing is getting ready for work. Work commences soon and I need to take care of that, but maybe after the day is over I can then chase after what it is that I desire, assuming that right now I desire anything at all.

Of course I do, but that is beside the point at the current moment. What the point is is that I’m just exploring some things and trying to build myself back up so I can pull myself out of this spiral of increasing self-doubt that I walked into a few months ago and am now working on getting out as it’s something that I don’t want to be in as I find it to be quite destructive to the art of getting things done and working on things that improve my ability to get things done, and so on and so forth.

Anyway, I think that that is where this whole bit of writing should end. There are other things that I need to take care of and I’m going a little slower than I had hoped, but sometimes that is the way things go and I can own that. I’m working on things and working on thigs is good as it means that I am working on things and perhaps it means that some more will get done and I can then be content until I feel restless again, which is quite often, so I’ll just keep on going, or something.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 09:38:42

This was a bit of a struggle to write, but I’m okay with that as it didn’t feel like I was stretching to reach the word target so much as I felt I was trying to get started.

I was hoping for something a bit more fantastic, but it didn’t happen. I’m still content with what I wrote, however.

Written at home.

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Platform Three

Posted on March 6, 2021 by Stupidity Hole

I like seeing urban scenery at night when there are few, if any people around.

There’s a sense of quietness, or stillness that comes forward, I think. A certain solitude that helps provide both feelings of a cold, uncaring landscape, as well as a calmness, as well as sadness, as well as many other things depending on how the scene is depicted.

I also like it due to the human element becoming something not having as much of an impact whilst also being pervasive.

I think what works in this shot is the level of darkness making only a few things clearly visible, whilst making others appear more faint. It’s providing a sense of distance.

I hope you enjoy.

Posted in Photography | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Five-Hundred Word Challenge 905: Go Forward From

Posted on March 6, 2021 by Stupidity Hole

I think I’m taking too long to be awake at the moment.

I am awake and I am alert, but I still remain rather inactive and being inactive is not necessarily a good thing. I need to wake up and get up and do more and not less; this is of course exacerbated by today being a day of work, which requires me to do work, which is not what I am doing at the current moment, but of course I will survive and all that other stuff.

I need to do it as I cannot keep on letting time pass me by, even though I am an active participant in the passing of time, even though it feels more passive than active, which maybe it is and I’m just saying things that I don’t quite understand. It would probably be better for me to say that I need to be more of an active participant in the time that I have rather than letting it pass on by.

I can keep on starting out the window and hope to see some of the clouds drift on by so long as I position my head in a certain way due to the neighbour’s house obstructing the view by a significant amount. I can keep on doing that and perhaps that would be okay on some days. However, I feel a stronger desire to get things done than I do a desire to not do a thing and therefore I should be trying to do more and not less, or something.

It is rather easy to lounge about when you’re tired and I don’t want to deny that. I don’t want to take away from what other people feel they should and should not do with their time. That would be a rather unfair thing to do, I think. I do know, however, what it is that I want to do with my time, or maybe I don’t and am just saying that I do.

I do feel that at the very least I should be doing something.

Maybe I should go lie in a field for a while and watch the clouds drift on by, but with a more open view. That would be pleasant, but of course I would get that itch to do more and not less and therefore I should do more and not less if I want to satiate that itch, which maybe I do and maybe I do not.

Of course there are plenty of ways to find out and I will find one, but more procrastination will come this way and I will indulge it to the worst of my ability, which might just be the best to my ability. I don’t know as to whether which it is and I don’t know a lot of things, but I do know that at the moment I am writing this and that is doing something. This is a place to start and go forward from.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:07:68

I was kind of hoping for something a bit more based in imagery, but that didn’t happen and instead this came forward.

Maybe a little too personal for what I feel like writing, but… well, yeah.

Written at home.

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Agape

Posted on March 5, 2021 by Stupidity Hole

Here’s a photo of a tree that I saw recently.

It was not the first time I saw this tree, for I’ve walked past it many a time. However, as far as I am currently aware, it is the first time I noticed the suggestion of a face within its trunk.

I hope you enjoy.

Posted in Photography | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Five-Hundred Word Challenge 904: Am Here, am Writing

Posted on March 5, 2021 by Stupidity Hole

Here we are. It is the morning and I am here and I am writing this and in writing this I am doing something.

I was hoping for some fiction, but maybe that will come in a few hours. Right now it is the writing of this as this is what wants to come forward. Then perhaps there will be some fiction.

Maybe the fiction will be about towers, or maybe it will be about birds. Perhaps it will involve the ocean in some manner. There could be many a thing involved and all it takes is time and imagination, or something.

Well, I guess it also takes the mind to guide it all in a direction that makes sense, if indeed the goal is to make sense, which often it may or may not be, depending on how you view my attempts at making sense against my attempts that don’t make sense against my attempts at not making sense, if any of the attempts I’ve made involve intentional not making sense at all.

I think that some do.

In any event, right now is the grounding. This is the basis of the rest of the day and how the rest of the day will go. There is no congratulatory patting of the back right now as I’m yet to achieve much. I have not been awake for long and am writing this out rather slowly, and I am not looking to try and write something that speaks volumes about the state of things in a succinct manner. I’m also not looking to try and write something profound, or even vaguely profound. I’m just trying to get this out of the way so I can get other things out of the way. That is what I am trying to do at this present moment.

Now, whether I am successful in this endeavour or not is an entirely different story that I am not going to explore as then that would be going far too far within the writing to be something something and I don’t feel like doing it, so yeah. This is just surface. There is no deepness to this.

In a way that makes this writing a bit like dipping one’s toes into the shallow end of a pool. The deep end remains and it’s there, but right now I just want to ease myself into the day. I don’t want to go rushing into things as that would mean rushing into things, though maybe the rush is better than not rushing. I should think about this at some point in the future. Not right now as there is no time for thinking even though I am actively thinking these words as I am writing them.

I think I’ve gotten the idea and the point across, but maybe there is nothing to it at all and I’m just tootling my own horn, which probably isn’t that different from usual. Still, at least the foundation is now in place.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:01:90

Wrote this in the morning. Not sure why I didn’t put it up then.

Perhaps this bit of writing is too speculative.

Written at home.

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment