Last Night in This House

Posted on May 18, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

I’m trying to work out if I should write this under a time constraint or not, but it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m sitting here at this desk at night one last night in this house. Tomorrow I leave, then come back, because there’s still packing and work that needs doing. Right now I don’t do that. Right now I just prepare for tomorrow, and then once I’ve done that… yeah. Sleep, I guess.

Actually I’ll have to dismantle the desk, but once that’s done, rest.

There have been plenty of good times and plenty of bad times in this house. I’ll miss the suburb more than the house itself. I certainly won’t miss the Andrew Tate lookalike who couldn’t handle being told no when it came to blasting music. I won’t miss him. I also won’t miss the copious amounts of dust that this house collects.

I will miss being near a park and a pool and a Flower Power, but new things are on the way. I’ll survive this. I’ll get past it all, and maybe things will be better. Yet to be determined. I’ll find out soon enough.

I wish that this move wasn’t happening under such rough circumstances, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. All I can do is persevere.

So, I guess now it’s time for me to do a little bit of dismantling followed by some rest. I thought I’d have more to say right now, but I don’t, and that kind of sucks, but what am I gonna do? It’s all sorts of sad and all sorts of positive anticipation, but more sad than anything. But this still is fine and okay, and I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and do what I need to do.

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Wartortle

Posted on May 17, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Here we have wartortle. Started a few days ago, finished today.

I tried to put it on a rock platform at sea, and it looks more like a cliff, and it ended up being during bad weather as that seemed to work best.

I hope you enjoy.

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Yoshino Aoki: Freefall

Posted on May 16, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

I think a big reason as to why I’m writing about a few of the songs from this soundtrack is due to the game being re-released recently. The soundtrack itself makes use of cheap sounds, but quite often it doesn’t sound cheap. Yoshino Aoki (青木佳乃) made some excellent decisions in how to use sound, and I think it paid off in a lot of ways.

Her decisions paid off especially with this track, where it’s very much about atmosphere and minimalism. The sounds have to put in a lot of work as there’s so little going on. It works well.

I’m not sure if I did the track justice, but I got across something about it well enough. There’s a lot one could dig into with it, of course, and I scraped the surface.

Yoshini Aoki’s “Freefall” (“自由落下”) is from the soundtrack for Breath of Fire IV, Breath of Fire IV: Original Soundtrack.

I hope you enjoy.

—

A heaving sound in a murky space. Other sounds seem to drip and vibrate around it, whilst another rings out muffled. It’s a space seemingly unpleasant.

A brief pause before resuming, and that ringing rings from a higher place. There’s a sense of the minimal coming through, then another pause and a return to what came before.

It’s difficult to tell if there is a fast or slow pace to what is happening, and it creates an unease that comes through. It creates a sense of malice, and it’s difficult to tell if it is intentional. But it is all sorts of uncomfortable through this minimal space with no room for breathing, and it remains as such as the sounds fade and the song ends.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1501: The Place Feels Empty

Posted on May 16, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

I get to work from home today, and that’s nice. The day is mostly just learning and going over notes I’ve taken, and that too is nice. But time is ticking away, and I’m going to miss this place. I don’t want to, but I will. That’s how it is, I guess.

I’m certainly not going to miss the noisy neighbours. I won’t miss the large amounts of dust. I will miss the location. I will miss having the space that I have. But I need to survive. That’s more important than having space to be as I see fit.

It’s a wet and miserable day, and the place feels empty and it is. I’m a little sad, but I’m a little feeling nothing also. I’m feeling like change is at hand, likely because it is. I don’t get that much say in that, and so it is and so it will be. Such is life. What else is new?

One day I’ll be able to sit comfortably, and I have a plan in place. Need to stick to the plan to get there, and I’m not sure if I can, but I will try to make sure. I cannot be in this position again as it’s too much to handle.

But I’m sitting here and the weather is miserable, but it’s not too bad inside. It’s kind of cold and it’s lonely, but it’s not bad. It’s still home but it won’t be for much longer, and it’ll take a while to decompress, but right now it’s home and it’s where I want to be. I can get through a few more days of being here, cleaning and packing things. Not sure if my ex will be here, but I will be. I don’t have much of a choice, really. Need to make sure the bond is returned. Need to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible. Can I guarantee that? Not sure. But I can certainly try, and trying is what I’m going to do.

It has been a long eight years, but also a short eight years. I don’t necessarily regret the relationship, and I don’t regret tolerating some of the things I tolerated. It was worth it. I do regret not working hard enough on preventing the issues that I contributed to the relationship.

It was a relationship worth having – that’s how I see it – but I do wonder if I should’ve ended it myself early on, when there were cracks. I don’t know right now, and I do miss my ex, but I don’t miss her as much as perhaps I feel I should, but that’s okay. Sometimes it’s the way things go. It’s also not overly important. What is is focusing on getting into a better position in life. That’s something I can do and something I can keep building upon, and maybe I’ll just come out ahead at the end of it all. Maybe I’ll start seeing more success come my way.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:14:42

Bit fast, bit slow. Feels neutral and scattered. Not sure if it is; it’s just how it feels.

Written at home.

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Tree Limbs in Silhouette

Posted on May 15, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Here’s the other side of this tree. I wanted to share this sooner, but didn’t, but now it’s here.

For some reason this photo reminds me of the cover for Talk Talk’s Laughing Stock. I think it has to do with the lighting.

I hope you enjoy.

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Yoshino Aoki: Truth and Dreams

Posted on May 14, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

I Went in wanting to talk about the sounds. Clearly did not do that, but that’s fine by me. I think this works, though I’m not sure if I accurately captured the song.

Yoshino Aoki’s (青木佳乃) “Truth and Dreams” (“本当と夢”) is from the soundtrack for Breath of Fire IV, Breath of Fire IV: Original Soundtrack. The song is also known as “Truth and Fiction”, and that might be a more accurate English title based on how the track is used. Not sure.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Questions, concerns, doubts. They’re there, and perhaps emotions are running high, though not being presented as such. Things keep slipping beyond grasp, and maybe things seem more dire than yesterday. Maybe they aren’t, but they seem that way. Still, there’s a journeying that needs to happen. There’s a target that needs to be reached, though who knows how long it could take.

It could all be insurmountable, and maybe things are bigger than originally envisioned, but tomorrow still comes, and if tomorrow comes then it can be another day of moving forward. But all of this is beyond what was originally imagined, though what was imagined is difficult to tell at this juncture. But it continues on, and the song ends.

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Squirtle

Posted on May 14, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Started this one a few days ago and finished it last night. I was going to try shading but I decided against doing so. Overall this didn’t take much time, which is obvious, but by the time I’d gotten this far I needed sleep and wanted to get onto the next thing, so I decided to stop.

I hope you enjoy.

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Yoshino Aoki: The First Emperor

Posted on May 14, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

This one has been sitting on my list for about a week now. Have some time this morning so decided it’d be good to get it done, and getting it done I did… so yeah. Not a bad piece. It captures atmosphere quite well. I think I tried to get some of that across, though I wasn’t as successful as I’d have liked.

Yoshino Aoki’s (青木佳乃) “The First Emperor” (“ファースト・エンペラー”) is from the soundtrack for Breath of Fire IV, Breath of Fire IV: Original Soundtrack.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Percussion stirs in a weighted air. Sounds descend slowly, rise, seem hollow and full at the same time. There’s disconnect contained within an ever-continuing thread, and something feels tense.

Or rather, it feels otherworldly. There’s something here that feels unknown and still, and perhaps beyond. Meditative, reflective, and maybe something irresponsible too. It permeates through the sounds and their dryness, and they remain slow and deliberate. They are careful, and perhaps unknowing of what they do.

The sounds continue on. They continue on with their hollow fullness, and remain steady. They present themselves in a darkened space, and the percussion plays out until everything fades away and the song ends.

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Nitsua: Stargazing

Posted on May 13, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

Got through this one easily enough. A lot more came forward than I was expecting, and I think that that’s a good thing here. Easy song to write about, so the words should come easy too… unless they don’t. But they did here, and I think I captured the song quite well.

Nitsua’s “Stargazing” is from soul of the sky.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Gentle keys sitting and resting, perhaps. Seemingly finding a calm wonder, and something existential among themselves. A little bit of sadness here and there, but also a lot of warmth. They form a bed upon which more keys roll down onto, and soft silky sound starts forming a soft cushion underneath and among.

Percussion pulses and all seems to slow down in this moment. All seems to be at peace and all seems gentle. It gets calmer, more pleasant, more relaxed, A little more sad, and existential, and more beat comes in, but it doesn’t become egregious.

But there is that comfort, and there is that wonder at what is out there, what lies beyond and far away, and it’s all within slides of sentimentality, almost.

Sentimentality and wondering about what is, and seeing what is out there, both alone and together in various stages, slowly going nowhere and ever moving forward, and holding in a moment and experiencing it all, and choosing to embrace the wonder and letting that be what guides, and sitting and appreciating in low laps of sounds. Appreciating, and watching it all disappear and fade away at the song’s end.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1500: Relaxed and Sad

Posted on May 12, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

This morning I walked almost eight kilometres to save a bit of money on parking. Well, also to avoid dealing with city traffic, but you know. Since then, it’s been a bit of a dead day. Going to try and do a few hours of packing soon, get some things sorted and cleaned up, and then get back to relaxing.

I’m listening to some easy music and tomorrow feels like it’ll be okay. I’m feeling pretty relaxed, actually, but I am still sad. Although I’d be happy to not see my ex again, I do also miss her. I look forward to that passing when it does. But right now there is a little bit of that sadness.

Things change over time, and you can’t expect everyone to remain in your life, and sometimes those changes hurt a lot. It’s probably due to now being able to relax a little that the hurt is coming through a bit more, looking as to which parts it can fill out, those sort of things. But it will pass.

I can take it easy for the moment, at least. I can deal with this, and get on with my days, and then go from there. That’s something to look forward to, I guess. Would rather let the hurt happen anyway. No point in trying to suppress it. That’s always a bad idea. Unhealthy way to deal with things.

I’m thinking about what’s happened over the past eight years, and I know that some of it has been missed opportunity, I think that perhaps I should have pushed harder in some places and definitely less so in others. I wonder if I’d feel I’ve wasted time in places had I done so. I’m being pretty vague here, mainly because I don’t want to touch much on the specifics, but I do wonder.

So now I sit here and it’s moving to evening, and I’m wondering about what will happen from here. I’m wondering as to where life will go. Tomorrow is a new day, and so is the day after. I need to clean myself up a bit. Not sure if I will, but I do need to. But that’s a problem for later. For now, I can just enjoy the afternoon before I get into the swing of doing things.

It’s nice to be able to relax right now, at least, because I know that tomorrow will be better than many of my recent days.

It has been a difficult few months and the clouds are yet to fully clear, but things are becoming clearer. This is good. This is some relief. I don’t need all the answers to everything now at this particular instant, and I don’t need all success at the same time either. I just need to keep my head down, stick to my plan, keep on going forward. It’ll take time as it always does, but I will get there. I’ll be okay at the end of this all.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:12:80

This feels tempered in a way that I appreciate. It doesn’t feel as framed by pain as a lot of recent writing.

Written at home.

 

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