I don’t have long before I start work, but I told myself that I’ll write this morning and so that is what I’m doing, because that is what I want to do.
Gotta do my setting up for the day and getting ready and all those things. Gotta get moving and start getting through everything. Gotta prepare for the onslaught of stuff I like doing, or something.
It’s a fine day and I can drift off into my own little world for a short period of time. That’s fine, but perhaps I want to drift off for a long time. Perhaps I want to drift off for a time that goes beyond all that it goes beyond… or something. Perhaps I want to live in my imagination and the worlds that it brings toward me, or rather the worlds that I allow myself to go to through it… I think?
What am I saying? What am I writing? I’m just sitting here, spewing words that don’t have enough context or meaning and I’m spreading myself thick in a thin manner, and it’s all just a mess. Could be worse, of course, but it could be better and I need to stop saying that.
What I need to do is start looking elsewhere and see what lies beyond. I need to continue through the thicket of laziness and move toward the thicket of effort, and keep on going. I’ve let myself get too lazy for too long, and it’s draining me and all that other stuff. At the same time, however, I’m really tired and I need more fuel in the tank, and it’s not happening and so I need to rest for a good long time. Rest is nice and necessary and all that, and it’s something I keep depriving myself of, and I really, REALLY need to stop doing so, because I spend a lot of time not doing anything but not resting.
I’ve written about this before and I guess it’s safe to assume that I’ll keep writing about it in the future, and I really don’t want to, but it’s what will keep happening. That’s life, I suppose. People do tend to repeat themselves and I can’t pretend that I don’t, but I still don’t like it. I’d rather explore other things.
I’d rather be a bit shallow and wide at the moment, and then start diving again, but I’m not sure if I will or even if I can. However, that’s the way it is, I guess. Perhaps what I should really be doing is embracing the whole thing and become even more singular. Perhaps the giving up on being dynamic is where the true path to being better lies, and so that’s the path that I should follow.
Don’t want to, however. Feels a little too easy to me, so I’d rather just not. I’d rather keep on going and trying and failing, then trying some more. It’s what I prefer doing, to be honest.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:21:83
I think some of this is decent. Kind of had to force myself to “flow” in a sense and that comes through, but then the readability improves after that.
Written at work.







