Today the car went in for a servicing that is greatly needed and so there was a bit of use of the things known as legs.

Caught the train from Chatswood to Croydon, although to be accurate it was two trains as I changed trains at Central. Then I walked from there.

It was an easy walk and one that I’ve done before, though I don’t think I’ve done the walk with Killing Joke in my ears before, not that that matters.

It was a walk that was easy and my thoughts were left to wander whilst I walked along, but instead of thinking openly about things I mostly embraced the song of which I was listening to, which was “Pilgrimage” on repeat.

“Pilgrimage” is a beautiful song from Killing Joke’s Democracy, an album that the band seem not much a fan of but it’s one that I like… or at least, I like some of the songs. Not their strongest and maybe not their weakest, it doesn’t represent the best of Killing Joke, but it has some good material, with the aforementioned song being one I find particularly moving.

I’m pretty sure that “Pilgrimage” is about going on a pilgrimage. Stunning insight there I know. Anyway, the protagonist of the song appears to express some sort of desire to get away from the world and environment that they find themselves in, likely due to some sort of inability to reconcile actions and attitudes in their surroundings with their beliefs. It has some spiritual allusions that work well with the song’s driving, atmospheric and “worldly”, expansive sound.

Why this song affects me the way it does is not something I think I can easily explain as I’m not too sure as to why. It’s certainly not the best song Killing Joke have done and it is probably difficult to argue that it’s the best song on Democracy, or even one of the best. I know that I’m a big sucker for melody so long as melody is done well, and I do also like a good chunk of Killing Joke’s work. “You’ll Never Get to Me” has brought me close to tears a few times due to really absorbing it at the right times of my life, and it still can be a moving listen, but “Pilgrimage” has something special about it.

Maybe it is the way that it feels like motion, or that it speaks to a strong desire of mine to just travel. It makes me think about the idea of journey as a means to reflect on the self and ruminate on what one knows and does not know. It makes me think about discovery and realisation in terms of the personal, as well as what one experiences and how that can change and reshape things.

“Pilgrimage” has a sense of sadness to it, but it also has a sense of gratitude. It has a bit going for it, though maybe I’m reading too much into the song; I cannot say right now as it is late and I’m just rambling. However, it is a song that works as journeying music and perhaps that is part of the reason why it has the name it has.

Anyway, the song took over my mood and I was once more allowing myself to be in the moment with it and it creates a certain sense and changes things, even for a moment. Of course there are other things to think about though whilst walking, but those weren’t there.

Sometimes I like to be alone and I just want to move and think about things. Sometimes I need to spend time thinking about who I am and what I am doing and all that stuff, but even though I get a good deal of time where doing so is an option, It’s not always the easiest thing to do. Sure, I could just get up any time and go for a long walk (or in some cases a long drive) but that’s not necessarily going to get me anywhere. Maybe it’d due to already spending a lot of time in my head. As I write all this out I’m still there, though I’m thinking more of the words that I’m churning out more than anything else. It’s also a bit different to being in motion and thinking.

Thinking abut this makes me think about the relationship between journeying and introspection. Maybe it has something to do with being farther away from the familiar that allows you to think more about yourself in a way that you cannot when you are surrounded by the familiar. Maybe there’s a sense of openness that allows thinking on the self to be more able to be done. Maybe that sort of thinking becomes easier when you are experiencing a form of place that allows you to be more fully aware of your insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe it’s just an association that’s easy to make. I don’t know and I don’t know if I’ll ever know. I don’t think I could ever claim to truly know anyway; I could probably only make some inferences and hope for the best, but that’s not something I’ll probably ever need to know or fully understand anyway. Besides which, my background is in marine science and not philosophy or psychology or whichever specialty it is that helps us better understand these things; Fully understanding this is not exactly what one would describe as my specialty.

I guess you could argue that my background is also in music and photography, but I’m about to digress so I won’t go down there.

I think I’ve said all that I can say about this, and perhaps I will think more about it tomorrow. I don’t know yet as tomorrow is yet to come, but it will eventually arrive. There may be no journeying tomorrow, but hopefully soon, if only to leave the familiar behind for a little while.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 23:21:82

Slow and ponderous, but maybe that’s a good thing.
Don’t know right now.

I feel I could’ve

As a side note, I wrote about “Pilgrimage” a while ago and it (along with some others) is part of what led me to doing the “writing about songs as they play” bits of rambling that I now do on a regular basis.

Written at home.