Another day of hiding from the sun; another day of hoping that it will get cooler sooner rather than alter but I know that hoping and doing are two different things and I know that I cannot control the sun.

I sweat in this room and I race ahead and try to get some things done before I head off but I’m just sitting here and sweating and not doing much of much else.

A lot of a little hard work but still gonna drive on to where I must drive to in order to get the most drive out of whatever it is that I’m trying to get done.

I think that that captures something but I don’t know what it captures, but anyway.

My fingers are tiring already but I am working through this as I need to work through this. If eel so sluggish but it’s a sluggishness I’ve created. Too much lazing about and not enough powering on through things to get to where I need to get.

I don’t like doing that whole “New year, new me” thing but I feel it’s important to try and be a bit more productive where I can and last year lacked a lot of productivity, I think. Some stuff done, not enough and you get the idea. Now is the time for me to really apply myself as not doing so lets me stay here but here is not where I want to stay.

I think that in saying this I have to admit that I have been productive, but I haven’t been productive in the way that I want to be productive, if that makes sense. The wheels have been turning but the vehicle is currently held off the ground. I’m going nowhere and I’m not growing and that’s a thing I should start pushing away from. You get the idea.

Right now I think my fingers hurt but I’m just racing forward and I’m trying to race out of this pointless cycle I’ve become comfortable with and I’m sure I’ll get there but I need to keep on pushing on to get there. I need to break down a lot of things and start taking a hard examination at what I am and am not doing. I need to tear it all down and maybe I need to start again.

Doing that will probably hurt a lot but it feels like it is a necessary step to take. It feels like at this point I’ve become stuck in a rut, admitted that I’ve been stuck and then chosen to stay there and that is not the way to go about things. That doesn’t help me and it doesn’t help anyone around me, so maybe now is the time to put the above into play. It’s a new year but it’s the same me but I’m just gonna chug on and start working toward something better.

Easy to say, but will need to actually make it happen.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:39:40

Sometimes I feel these would be better if I could think of better titles. Of course that has no bearing on the text, but it likely has a bearing on perception.

Written at home.