Right now I’m writing without music playing which is something I don’t do too often. I’ve been meaning to write about a song for a good few hours so I’ve held off playing stuff for most of the day so I wouldn’t have to stop an album part of the way through in order to write about a song, but now here we are and we are here.
I am so very tired at the moment, but one pushes on through to the other side. One tries to find a bed sooner rather than later, or if not a bed than somewhere where they can rest, but that is in the future and the future never arrives as we are constantly in the present and so that bed is forever out of reach until it no longer is out of reach which will be when it has moved from being in the future and moved to being in the present.
What am I saying?
Anyway, yeah. Tired. Drained. All the fun stuff. It has been a long slog and I’m in dire need of rest but there won’t be so much a rest as there will be a gradual increase of relief once all things have settled and the dust has drifted away to somewhere else.
Still no music. Should’ve started playing some but have chosen not to. Have chosen to procrastinate on picking something and instead chosen to revel in my being tired. Sure, there are worse things I could be doing but this is something that just won’t do in this day and age of modernity and all that stuff.
Perhaps what I need to do is find a way for music to energise me in this particular moment. Maybe the issue here is that I gradually have relied on music as a power source and my lack of listening today is making me feel more drained than I am, and if so I need to turn things around and I need to do that sooner rather than later.
Of course what I really need is to sit back and relax and try and unwind but I’m going to deny that. I’m going to deny that as I don’t feel like facing reality right now. I want to live in my imagination, even if only for a short period of time as that means I can just pretend things are more okay than they are. If I can do that, then I’m set, at least for a few minutes.
Why only a few minutes? Because I need to work and work drags me back. Regardless of how much I protest it forces me to sit here and I need to push through being exhausted which takes a lot of time and energy and so… yeah. It’s a horrible cycle of trying to escape and not being allowed to, and so I just need to keep on going, but I’m tired and I’m not playing music, but I’m okay.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:23:33
Another struggle, but less so than yesterday’s.
This one is okay. I think I veered away from being “raw” as, whilst I’m wanting to vent quite a lot, I’d also rather not. Didn’t work the best for the writing, but this is readable which is some sort of improvement.
Written at home.