Don’t put all your chickens in one egg… before it baskets – An old friend
Zwack Unicum (or Unicum Zwack) is the taste of defeat in a bottle of anguish.
It is very easy to get drunk off it. Quite possibly too easy as it comes on suddenly.
It’s difficult to get a hangover from it. Despite how hard I’ve tried, I’ve not been able to.
Apparently it is the official shot of Hungary. Make of that what you will.
Back in either late 2010 or early 2011, a friend and I were heading back to my house when we stopped off at a Dan Murphy’s on the way (a liquor store chain). We were looking at the various liqueurs when we came across Zwack. It looked interesting enough due to the bottle shape (round) and darkness of the drink but I think we bought it only because of the name.
We arrived home and first had a smell. It did not smell appealing. Despite our nasal hairs catching aflame and dying a fiery death, this was not enough of a deterrent for us. So my friend, a housemate I had at the time who joined the Zwack tasting and I drank.
As our lives flashed before our eyes, we realised that this was not the way to do things. There were grand realisations that, if we were lucky enough to survive our sudden ordeal, we would use to become better people.
But what really happened is we gagged and coughed and thought better of drinking it again.
Except my housemate and I changed our minds because we liked suffering for some reason.
From there a great legacy was not born. Many adventures did not occur.
There were a fair few fun times had though.
In an effort to take a bit of the sting out, my housemate made a mix he dubbed the Zwack Attack. It was Zwack, Limoncello, Red Bull and Chinotto.
It helped the first few times after that.
Then it didn’t.
Zwack can be seriously overpowering.
There were times when we drank it and became quite jovial fellows. Loud, raucous and jovial fellows.
Actually, that is what happened most times we drank it.
The worst time I’ve been involved in was when someone I knew drank a lot of it and other alcohol together very fast.
The resulting hospital trip brought out a lot of fear in me. The person came out okay though and there was much relief.
Since then, Zwack consumption has slowed down, reserved only for special occasions.
And now, some words to live by:
X per I en cedar.
A 2nd post for today as this has been sitting here partially done since Saturday and I really want it out of the way. Luckily it’s brief.
Something Ewe pointed out to me a few days ago is that I can be pretty demanding of people.
This was something I was completely oblivious to. It is also something that makes sense.
I have expected a lot more from people than what one should, mostly by expecting them to be able to serve all my needs all the time and getting angry when they can’t because they hsve their own stuff to deal with.
Because that is completely reasonable, right?
All it has done is push people I care about away from me because it’s lead to me also being overbearing at times.
So how do I change this?
To be honest, I have no idea. However, Ewe has said that I am becoming less demanding, so I must be doing something right.
Hopefully I keep on doing whatever it is that I am doing.
I’m going to be early to work today.
It’s been a few weeks since I was last able to say that. Maybe I should remain consistent instead.
Yoga is going well. So is parkour. Both are getting easier as time goes on and both I am enjoying a lot.
My left shoulder is still making things a bit difficult this week but my left foot is better again. Hopefully the shoulder decides to cooperate sooner rather than later.
I’m partially melting down at the moment, feeling paralyzed by indecision. There are many things I want to do right now and they’re all vying for supremacy, leaving me also feeling very unsure as to what is happening around me.
I’ve had to defer uni for the next two semesters so I can sort out my financial irresponsibility. I’m seriously considering looking for a better job to assist with this as well. I do enjoy what I do. I could be making a fair bit more for the same thing elsewhere though.
Still haven’t heard from my ex. Still waiting. Missing her greatly.
I’m a foooool in looooooove…
Sydney is nice at this hour. Even though there are cars and people about, it seems so relaxed and laid back. It makes me feel less pressured to get to the bus stop on time.
Maybe that’s why I’ve been late recently.
So recently I’ve decided to make a more active commitment to helping Naa however I can.
There isn’t much I can actually do. However, I can attempt to make her laugh and smile because that is something I am occasionally able to pull off.
I’ve been sending pictures from goat simulator to her as most things from that are stupid enough to warrant a chuckle.
On Friday I didn’t have anything good, so I sent something about Sean Penn instead.
Today I still didn’t have anything good, so I quickly drew three images with only one having a goat on it.
They are really dull and stupid but I do hope she enjoyed them.
Anyway, I’m putting them up here because I thought they were bad enough to throw into the Internet abyss.
Well, enjoy.
You can’t piss on hospitality.
So I was going to write about the spectacular multi-day meltdown I had at the end of last week, but I didn’t think it was entirely appropriate.
However, because I’m a bizarre nutcase, yesterday you all got to read about a dream that made me cry instead, as that is clearly not saddening or melodramatic in any way, shape or form.
Today I got to wake up after having almost eight hours of unbroken sleep. It has been a very long time since that last happened. I have had a few sleeps over the past month that have come close, but not as close as last night.
It felt good to wake up not entirely wanting to go back to sleep.
On the downside, I’m going to be late and it’s the first Tuesday in over a year I’ll be working from eight to five. However, I get Wednesday off and as of next week I’ll be working eight to four, Monday to Friday.
It’s been a long time since I worked five days in a row. It seems a bit weird to me at the moment. I’m sure that will pass quickly.
Right now I am starting to get sick very fast, my left foot and left shoulder have been bothering me again for the past few days and because of my left foot, I’m having a bit of trouble walking. I’m quite poor and I’ve been eating far worse than I used to. My mood has been fluctuating far more wildly than I am comfortable with and I’m growing tired of this roller coaster.
However, right now I feel very much at peace. I feel confident and strong. I feel that I can achieve what I want, despite how miniscule a chance I have of doing so. I feel as though everything will work out. I feel like me.
I know this feeling isn’t going to last, but it is certainly what I need right now.
Today will be a good day.
Way back during one sleep around the middle of 2010, I had this really heavy, intense dream.
I’ve had trouble recalling a lot of the details but I’ve always been able to remember how it ended.
I think it started with me arguing with my mum about something… It would’ve most likely been about how I felt I was treated by her and how she never seemed to be proud of me. I’m really unsure though.
Anyway, what I do remember is that she said to me that she was always proud of who I was and glad I was her son. It was said with such honesty and she was looking me in the eyes when she said it.
I woke up crying.
I felt very weak and broken for a while after. It was something my mum had never said to me and I really wished she had. Still do at times. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that she probably never will.
My apologies for a sad post on a Monday.
PLEASE NOTE: The following is a poorly written work of fiction. It does draw on some events in my life, but it is nothing more than fictitious.
—
On Tuesdays between classes, it’s what he’d always get for breakfast. Always the same thing.
He said once that it “wasn’t great but what are you gonna do?”.
He’d always go into the classroom, walking as though he was the tallest man on earth, go straight for the rear corner next to the windows and eat there, despite his having an hour before the class started; an hour to sit anywhere he wanted.
He’d sit there eating and looking like he was losing himself in thought far more than anyone should, although sometimes he’d read instead. He’d usually look very content either way.
Usually he was late to the first class. He’d come in panting and drop into the nearest seat he saw and get straight into study as though he had been ready for a while, although as the semester went on, he started arriving earlier and would look less prepared.
Some days before the second class you’d see him go up and down the stairs, looking for the classroom, despite it always being on the same floor. I tried to think of it as some ritual dance he would do before he’d allow himself to eat. It made it less annoying to watch.
Every week he would never deviate from the same food choices. I did begin to wonder why. Maybe he grew to like it. Maybe he couldn’t afford anything better. Maybe he didn’t have taste buds.
He’d have this smile that didn’t look like a smile in any way. It looked blank, yet at the same time it was his smile. You’d have to look closely at the corners of his lips to see if they were ever-so-slightly curved or you’d think he never saw a smile in his life. It was stupid.
He was always quiet in class. Usually the most you’d hear from him is his confirming his attendance in class with what sounded like ‘here’. You’d get a few sentences out of him if you asked him something but beyond that he was always quiet.
Always keeping to himself.
Around mid-semester, after break, something was different. Everything seemed the same. He still bought the same things for breakfast. He’d still go up and down the stairs looking for the classroom. He was arriving earlier to the first class and looking less prepared. He was still quiet. He still had the stupid smile. He even had his tallest man on earth walk still. Nothing looked like it had changed, but there was something different about him. I don’t know if anyone else noticed or even cared, but I could tell. He seemed so uninteresting for the most part that he stood out.
It began to bother me a lot; seeing him run through the same routines but knowing something was off. The whole thing seemed stupid and backwards to me.
One day I went into the classroom with him. When he began to eat, I sat near him and asked him if everything was alright. He looked me in the eyes and asked me if I wanted some of his bagel. Why would I want any? I wanted to know if something was wrong.
And then I began crying.
When he looked me in the eyes, I felt he was looking into me and reaching in, instead of just looking at me. In his eyes I saw anguish and sadness and it made a lot of things I’d been through recently come to the surface. He asked me if I was okay, so I proceeded to get everything off my chest. I ranted and raved and cried about all of my problems whilst he sat there and listened the whole time, only offering an arm around me once I was done.
After class, he asked if I wanted to talk some more, so we went to a nearby park and we did just that. I talked about how I was scared about my future, as well as a great deal of pressure to succeed from my family and how I felt like I was being left behind by my friends who had already finished uni.
He told me about how he was failing with uni but he still had hope to succeed and how he lost someone he cared deeply about recently and that it was burning himself out but that he was still keeping his head up because “There’s no point in drowning now”.
And we laughed and cried and listened for the rest of the day in that park, talking until well after the sun went down, getting much off our chests.
I wouldn’t call the two months after that the best of my life. They were what I needed at the time though and subsequently very satisfactory. I made a friend I could trust and as I grew to understand him more, he became less annoying to me.
We hung out a lot and saw a lot of things together. We grew very close to the point where we felt safe with each other. We were even able to help each other pass our courses with ease.
But we were always friends and nothing more.
One day, about two days before the beginning of thr next semester, I came home and there was a letter he sent me. I found it odd as he was going to be meeting me in a few hours time. When I opened it, I didn’t know whether to smile or cry.
It was the last time I heard from him.
Stupidity Hole 