PLEASE NOTE: The following is a work of fiction. Whilst it was written in a dramatic mood, it is not actually about anyone. It weaved an interesting narrative but that was it.
My apologies to those who have taken offense and those who will take offense in the future.
I had to think a lot about whether I was going to post about this or not but I’m feeling a bit bitter and also want to get the opinion of you, my readers putting up with my written dramatics, on whether what someone did was an appropriate thing to do or not and if a stance I have is childish.
A few weeks back I found out that a friend of mine I had known for a while had been listening to my ex about the problems she saw in the relationship.
What my friend did was tell my ex to break up with me.
My ex wouldn’t communicate the problems to me and had previously asked this friend to talk to me about them as they supposedly knew what to say due to knowing me longer. What I was told was that I needed to treat my ex better (not something I can deny), without much information beyond that.
This happened twice and after one occasion I asked my ex if she had asked this friend to speak to me about our relationship. She said she hadn’t.
I understand direct discussion better than what (in hindsight) I felt was vague hinting.
After the break up, said friend told me they weren’t taking sides and wanted to make sure both my ex and I were ok.
It’s been a few weeks since they last spoke to me.
Now to be fair, communication was a problem for both of us. However, what we didn’t communicate about were different things. I’ll go into more detail about that later in the week.
Now I haven’t been a good friend to this person. However, I don’t feel that justifies their telling my ex to break up with me. I believe said friend should have told my ex to sit down with me and discuss the problems instead. I don’t know if what I believe is fair or not though.
The other issue I have here is that whilst this friend has known me for a while, they don’t know me nearly as well as my ex or other friends of mine do. We didn’t talk that often and when we did, our conversations were about problems and not much else, so them claiming to know what to say seems like a bit of a misfire to me.
In the post about the first two weeks after the break up, I said that I first rejected the idea of friendship and then changed my mind later on.
As word gets around, I found out that the person I saw at the art exhibition (pardon the two self-promotions) had told my ex how childish I was for not wanting to remain friends and that I needed to grow up.
My ex had always known that when I go through a break up, I don’t like to remain friends as it’s too much emotional weight for me and I’d much rather let go of that and move on with my life.
I have seen some great friendships come from break ups, with people getting along better than when they were together. However, it was still not something I felt was for me.
However, I (obviously) changed my mind; partly because it gives me a better chance to show that I’m worth another shot and partly because I still really care and still love her.
She hasn’t spoken to me since the first week but I have my hopes.
I know that the childish thing isn’t much, but it has made me wonder if my opinion on friendship after break up really is childish or not.
So, do you all think my friend was justified in telling my ex to break up with me or not and do you think my initial stance of not having friendship after break up was childish?
Also, if anyone is wondering about the title of the post, it’s a song by Jesu. It’s somewhat heavy and right now far more intense for me than it usually is. I found it somewhat appropriate given the subject matter (although there are some stones I need to take).
Stupidity Hole 