Once more I go in with no plans and once more I hope for the best. There will be no derailing this morning, however; there are things of which are things and there are things of which are not things and I’m going to keep my focus going the whole way through as I need to get to the end of this and I start work soon and there already is too much pressure on my shoulders, but I’ll just keep on going as I hope I can get to the end of this in one piece and not many.
Probably will as I’m sitting down and I’m in a safe space, as it were. Unless somehow I spontaneously fall apart – something I do not expect to happen – I’m pretty sure that this will all go as smoothly as my struggle to get to the target will allow, and of course it will be a struggle. It will be a massive struggle.
The road is uphill and backward and the gradient is steep, but by golly I will get there. I will make sure that it is there to which I get, for I do not want to remain here. I want to move on and see other things, but there is the target and once more there is where I will get. I know I can make it and there is no need for planning; the only thing I need to do is push through whatever blocks I keep putting in front of myself.
I cannot tell you as to why I keep doing this, but I can tell you that I am not a fan of an obstacle course. I’m even less of a fan of an obstacle course that I need to go through backward and uphill at the same time. It is not fun and it is not something of which I would ever choose to do, but for some reason right now is the exception. Still, there is no time like the present and present is where I am at the moment. I am not in the past, though you might argue that I was in the past even though the past was then the present. I also am not in the future, though you could argue that I will be in the future at some stage, though by the the future will also be the present and then that will be set and as the present, though the present then will also pass off into the past and that is the way that the things go and so it goes on and on, but this is all beside the point, really.
Right now I am in the present and I am feeling present, so that is something of which I will work to maintain for the time being. There is little else out there to maintain at the moment, but right now this is what I am maintaining.
I also am in one singular location and not many which is something I consider to be a good thing when you’re trying to write and focus on what it is that you’re writing. Of course, if I were in many locations at once, then perhaps I would be able to see more and MAYBE get a little bit more done, or at least get a wider spread of things done, though I imagine that my ability to get those things done in a way that one would consider acceptable would be greatly diminished due to only having so much brain power and not enough to split over many things at once. Maybe.
This is all conjecture, however, and really what I should be doing is focusing on getting this bit of writing done as soon I need to do other things. However, I don’t want to think about that right now as it gets in the way of getting this done and right now I want to get this done. I want to focus on the topic at hand and try and work out why it is eluding me as much as it is, which is to say not at all as there is no subject other than the one at the top of the hill that I need to go up backward which also involves getting through an obstacle course backward which is something that I really, REALLY do not want to do as I find that something that is a bit not fun, or something. I don’t know.
What I do know is that eventually I will have to do this and so I should try and get it done before more obstacles get in the way as the sooner I get it done, the easier it will be to do other things and the sooner I will know what it is that I am currently reaching for, but there is only so much diving that I can get done in one day and this isn’t diving, so really that doesn’t factor into this whole issue of which I am currently presented with, though maybe it does and I’m not thinking about it in the right way, or something. Maybe I need to rethink all of this and see where that rethinking leads, then follow the rethinking and see what it undoes and then do a little bit of a dance, but maybe that dancing would be severely truncated and instead of any dancing there just would be prancing, or not even that. Maybe a slight movement and then nothing. There would be nothing to follow and then I’d get on with things.
So, I guess, what I’m saying is that I need to get on with getting on and I need to wrap this up in a way that implies progress toward greater things or something, but of course I won’t do that as that would be too easy.
Perhaps it wouldn’t be easy at all, but I’ll claim it is anyway.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 09:49:20
I sort of tried to focus and not wander too much with this writing. Don’t think it quite worked, but at least the attempt was there, or something.
Written at home.